I need Doper opinions. I am trying to be sympathetic to my friend but I think she should stand her ground with her boyfriend. Here’s the story:
My friend, Allyson is 26, her boyfriend Keith is 45. Keith basically has no family and has been married before. He has 2 children and is in good standing with his ex-wife and her family. They have been dating 1 year and 1 month. Allyson has not met his ex’s parents, therefore is not included in many family functions involving his children. Keith says it is hard for him and uncomfortable because he has never introduced another woman to ex’s parents. They have been divorced 6 years. Keith says he is serious with her, loves her, feels like they are perfect for each other. Keith has also included her on a vacation that was taken 4 months ago with the kids, ex-wife, and ex-wife’s new family. Everybody really gets along. However, when ex’s parents are involved, she doesn’t get invited and is extremely hurt. Family events where this happens occur about every 2-3 months. There is another event this Sunday, and as of yet, she isn’t invited, so the question is this, does she:
A) give up on a perfect relationship because she conitnues to
feel left out
B) Push him to introduce her
C) Let it go and wait until he is ready
He is going on a long weekend trip in September with these people and he says that will be his oppurtunity to tell them. They do know he is dating someone, so it is no huge bomb to drop. They also know about the age difference, which really upset them at first. However, his ex reassured them it was OK. She told them, this wasn’t your average 26 year old and she was very special. So, I told her I thought this had went on too long already and he needs too decide. My point to her is this, if she is good enought to sleep with and go everywhere else with, then she should be included in every aspect of his life.
I see a red flag here. I would buy the not introducing the new girlfriend thing for a few months, but after a year, it sounds like he’s hiding something.
No, she isn’t going in September. She hates to fish, and it is a fishing camp weekend with them and his 2 sons. But, I told her that I thought it would be nice if she had dinner with them one night while they were there and just drove back. It is only 1 hr 15 min away.
That’s just it. He doesn’t seem to care what anyone thinks, except these people. Everywhere else he takes her, he is proud and affectionate towards her. I don’t think he cares what they think, I think he is just really nervous, because he respects them so much and because he pledge his life to their daughter. At the time of the divorce, it wasn’t his idea. Now, he realizes how wrong they were for each other, and sees all the benefits and happiness Allyson bring to his life.
I just think he should be over this by now. But if it will really be settled in 6 weeks should she just hang on? This is an otherwise great realationship and it is obvious they are both totally happy, except for this. I agree with Mr. Blue Sky it doesn’t send red flags, but if you look at everything else, it is almost minor.
If anyone is interested, he invited her to go this Sunday. The ex-wife even called and wanted to know specifically if she was going and made it a point for her to know she was welcome. So, I don’t know what his problem is, but if the relationship continues to go well, I wish them the best.