I’m not sleeping well. I have no energy. I haven’t had the energy to play a videogame or read a comic in months.
My 80 year-old mom is declining. Based on her health, I’d long expected her to die suddenly. Now, it looks like we’ll all have the fun of a slow and horible decline.
My gf is visiting her brother and his family in Florida. Her brother is defective and devoid of love*. She worries that she will be shut out of the lives of her niece and nephew. The whole visit will bring her down. It will be my job to cheer her up. I don’t feel up to it.
About half an hour ago, I saw a new rodent in my apartment.
I’m going through the same thing with my dad right now. It’s hard to focus on any kind of narrative entertainment or games. If you can find a place to do some quality people watching, I’ve found that kind of diverting.
Yes, I do tele therapy for an hour every Monday night. For a while, things seem to be gradually improving. I should probably stress that I am not a threat to myself or others.
As a hoarder and collector, I take great comfort in my stuff. Due to the discovery of toxic mold, I had to move suddenly. All my stuff is, hopefully, packed away in apartment only 2/3 the size of my last one. I can’t play with my toys or read my books. They are all in boxes.
I also realized I forgot to give the foot note so here it is * When their father was on his deathbed, my gf’s brother did fly to NJ from Florida. Then, he stopped to attend a Greatful Dead tribute band before visiting his family. He also excludes his sister from all activities when she visits. As I said, he is defective.
I don’t know if this helps the OP, but what’s always cheered me up is that, out of all the many eras in history I could have lived in, I was fortunate to be born in the 1% of technological-advancement time. Maybe 0.01%.
For 99.99% of history, I could have been herding goats or foraging like almost every human in history before me, but instead I can type on the Internet. I can fly on airplanes. I can talk to 200+ regular Dopers every day. I can chat with strangers halfway around the world. I can look at detailed photos of the surface of Mars.
All I have to offer is to agree with you that life definitely is not fair, and it downright sucks sometimes. The only thing you can do is just get through each day, and deal with whatever crap life throws at you, one problem at a time. As long as you can find one single good thing among all that, you can get through all of it.
Try to look for the small joys in each day. A beautiful sunrise, a good cup of coffee, a kid’s laughter. Those help you find your way back to a good place.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all these things at once, but you’re a lot stronger than you realize. Plus, all the Dopers are here for you.
Keep us posted, and feel free to vent. We got you.
The doldrums of winter are mostly behind us now. Make yourself go for a walk every day that has nice weather. Even if for only 20 minutes. Visit a dog park maybe.
Try to go out a little for lunch and/or dinner. Even alone if the GF is out of town. Better, a local pub where you know people and have a beer (or soda if you do not drink) and watch the Phillies (even if you do not like baseball).
Maybe try a simple, light video game like Stardew Valley where you can just poke around a little here and there. I find the hard part is mustering the desire to start a game but, usually, once I do I enjoy playing.
None of that changes anything (the sucky stuff is still there) but, when I struggle with stuff like this, I find a lot of little things I can do and they are easier to do and add up.
Hang in there! There are still good times to be had.
I realized part of the problem. If there was just the Mom situation, I could go to my GF. If there was just a GF situation, I would go to my Mom. But, I can’t go to either of them right now. I feel lost and alone.
I called Mom at 7 or so. She said ‘You don’t have to call me every day. It’s not like you are on deathwatch’. I just said ‘okay Mom’.
It’s more than that. She is her mother’s daughter. Her mom, my Bubby, once said to me (not an exaggeration) “Not now, but when you get up- could you please get me my nitro. I think I’m having a heart attack.”
It is generally tough to get any reliable information from Mom about her medicall condition.
I’m sure your girlfriend can talk to you some about your mom situation, and your mom can talk to you some about your girlfriend’s situation.
You have a friend somewhere nearby who you haven’t seen in a while? Sometimes when I get together with an old buddy I’ll feel better even if I don’t get all dialed in what’s bothering me at that moment. See if they’re still up for what you used to like to do together.
I’m not good with this kind of stuff, but I just want to say that I read your lament and I fully sympathize and send my best wishes. I also think – I can’t believe I’m saying this as a devoted Dog Person – that you should seriously consider the advice about adopting a cat. Seriously. Because cute fuzzy pets are good for the soul in every way imaginable. I feel a sense of peace just looking at pictures of dogs (and, OK, cats, too!). What this feline might do to discourage rodents is just a bonus.
P.S.- if your apartment management tells you that they don’t allow pets, tell them that all their apartments already have pet mice!
Cats are wonderful creatures, and definitely can cheer one up at the worst of times. I’m a cat guy who is currently catless, but there is something about a supposedly-aloof and so-called independent creature who can sense when you need cheering up, and does its best to help. Purrs and kneading and looks into your eyes from their eyes that say, “It’s okay, I’m here for you.”
However. You do not choose a cat; the cat must choose you. You can visit the animal shelter looking for a tabby, but when a tuxedo jumps into your arms, purring happily, and licking your face, then that cat has decided that you should be its owner. That actually happened to me, and she and I spent 19 happy years together. She could always cheer me up when I needed it.
Dogs are fine creatures too. Maybe you can make friends with the dogs whose owners are walking through a local park. Make friends with the owners too, for that matter. But even if there are no owners and dogs, a walk through the park can bring cheer and peace. It worked for me when my nephew died.
OP, be good to yourself. That’s Item No. 1 on the list. The rest can come later.
Do you have a high point of each day? For me it is feeding our dogs. No matter how badly the day has been, the dogs are always so appreciative of their meals. While I’m preparing their dishes they cavort. Three dogs cavorting always makes me happier than I was before.
