I picked out your gift to my son, your godson. The cheapest one: €1500 (aprox. $2200)

In My Humble Opinion
21

Is there something particularly significant about a 2nd birthday? I could see a sizeable gift from a godparent being appropriate for a big religious milestone like a First Communion or a Confirmation (though by sizeable, I mean something around the $200USD mark, not the $2000USD mark)… turning two isn’t exactly a big deal in any culture that I’m familiar with.

My godparents mailed me a $25 cheque each year for my birthday. Given that my parents were their daughter’s godparents and also sent a $25 cheque for birthdays, it turned into an even exchange. Looks like I should be looking into back pay with interest. :slight_smile:

As for your dilemma, I don’t think giving any cash is appropriate in this scenario. This only encourages the parents’ behaviour by suggesting that no matter how inappropriate it is, they’ll still get results.

22

The only thing your parents and sister should be considering is whether they should give nothing and tell these people to go fuck themselves, or just give nothing.

That is one of the most outrageous things I’ve ever heard.

23

In my Catholic family, Godparents my give a slightly larger Christmas gift than they would give another niece/nephew. A religious gift at First Communion, Confirmation, etc. That’s the exrent of it. Portugal may have a different tradition, but your sister should know what’s usually expected, what she got from her godparents. Something she should’ve known when she agreed to be the godparent. In any case, it’s none of your parents’ responsibility.

StG

24

Exactly right. Do NOT give them the money. They are pretty obviously just trying to exploit your family’s wealth.

25

That’s absolutely preposterous.

You know what? Themed bedrooms and matching crap are not a requirement for living. My kids have plain, undecorated rooms (except for putting their own drawings up) and, while some of the sheets match, there’s no pillow sham-window treatment-fancy wall border thing going on. Sure I wish I could provide them with nicely turned-out rooms, but the fact is that our money is really better spent keeping the roof over their heads and a life insurance policy going. It kills me when I see people who are really struggling for cash using so much of it to decorate their kids’ room when their kids probably are too young to care yet.

Never would I ever expect someone else to foot the bill, either. I realize that was the point of your post, but this idea that what a kid’s room looks like is so very important is one of those eye-roller topics for me.

26

Say WHAT?

Mary, Joseph, and the Little Bambino, that’s CRAZY! Shit!
I wouldn’t even hit my FIL up for $87 beds from Aldi for his grandkids. And he’s pretty well-off.

Miss Manners would faint dead away.

27

Give the child a religiously-themed picture book (as appropriate). Make an inscription inside the front cover about caring and devotion and moral guidance and how wealth can be a distraction from these. :slight_smile:

28

Godparent here. Raised Catholic. Portuguese descent (is that germane?)

I give my godchild expensive gifts. Nice things, nice enough to pass down a generation or two, or sell in a pinch. (Along with a ‘toy’ type gift.)

I’ve never spent over $100 (USD) on a single gift. The child has a nice little collection of things that has grown over the years, and a personal tradition.

No, it is not appropriate to expect a god-parent to go into debt for a gift.

29

That is by far the craziest shit I’ve ever heard. I would buy the kid a book and say “Well, I knew that there was no WAY you could be so crass as to mean it about the bedroom set. I told everyone how funny you were with that silly request. You guys have a great sense of humor!”

30

COMPLETELY inappropriate.

I am the godmother to two little girls. I give them birthday gifts (one I would anyone, she’s my niece, but the other I wouldn’t) of the type and cost of a normal kid’s birthday gift. I participated in their baptisms and will be involved in their confirmation, if they get that far and if they want me to be.

Mostly I consider myself someone who will take an interest in them and help them out as they grow up, taking them shopping, occasionally and being there if they want to talk – sort of like a glorified Big Sister. And I feel that I have accepted some responsibility for them if they ended up in real trouble (like, their parents passed away or they couldn’t afford college). But assuming their parents are handling their childhood – which so far they are – I don’t feel I have to step in, in any real meaningful way.

Even if I felt I had a substantial financial obligation to my godchildren – which I don’t – I don’t think that means that their parents would have the right to direct the amount and manner of the financial assistance I provided. IOW, I sure as hell would not be dropping two grand on a bedroom set for a 2 year old.

If I were your sister, I would have a serious heart-to-heart to these people. I would tell them that I was not in a postion to make significant financial contributions, like buying the kid bedroom furniture, and that that had not been my understanding of what they wanted or expected when they asked me to fulfill the role. If that is their understanding or hope of what a godmother should do, then I would have regretfully decline to serve in that capacity any further.

But people like this who are so completely transparent in holding up their “friends” for money will never stop taking every advantage they can. So I definitely would NOT pay half (a still completely ridiculous $1100), let alone the whole thing.

The only reasonable response to people who are so obviousy trying to take advantage of you is “No, I’m afraid I can’t/won’t do that.” Then what’s the worst case scenario for the result? They get pissed and your sister loses their “friendship.” She should be so lucky.

31

Cheapest one what? Are they directing her towards a particular store?

Even in Europe, you sure as hell don’t need to spend that kind of bread on a kid’s suite.

32

I’d give the child some little gift that is symbolic of what you hope your relationship will be - Probably religiously themed. A bible, or a book of quotations, or something like that. Don’t say a word about it. Don’t mention the bedroom set again.

If this couple makes a fuss about the gift, then tell them that clearly their impression of what a Godparent is differs from your own tradition, and that you’ve very sorry but you have no intention of changing a deeply held religious tradition, and that a bedroom set is in no way connected with the spiritual and moral upbringing of the child, and therefore would be an inappropriate gift. You can then apologetically say that if your beliefs happen to be incompatible with their needs, you fully understand and are willing to allow them to discharge your responsibility as Godparent and find someone else.

Say it nicely, with regret. Tell them you’re sorry there was a misunderstanding.

Then if they blow you off they’ll have to face up to the fact that they’re being greedy assholes. If you get into a shouting match with them or lecture them as greed, it will give them the moral ‘out’ to blame everything on you, diss your family, call you cheap, and never talk to you again anyway. If you stay on the high ground, they may have to think about their own actions. Plus, you’ll be demonstrating the kind of behaviour a Godparent should demonstrate.

33

People get gifts from their godparents? I never got anything from mine. I’m not even sure I remember their names. I certainly have no idea where they live. They might even be dead.

Under no circumstances should your sister or your parents submit to this emotional extortion.

34

I’ve got an idea. Go to the baby furniture store and see if you can get the boxes the expensive furniture comes in. (Just the boxes, mind you.) Wrap them up and give them to the kid. He’ll have fun tearing all of the gift wrap and then can have fun playing with the empty boxes. I guarantee that will give a two-year-old more pleasure than having the furniture.

And I agree with everyone else. It’s entirely inappropriate for them to expect your sister to buy this for them. Perhaps if she wants, she can get a small part of the furniture suite, that costs whatever she feels comfortable spending of her own money, not the parents’.

35

I like this idea very much (course, I’ve done it - but with anti-Christian pagans getting married in the Church).

Ignore all requests. Continue to buy child religiously themed books - and when appropriate at a much older age than two - the proper piece of jewelry for the religion (medal, crucifix, pentacle). Your sister will probably loose touch with these people long before that requirements needs to be met. If they “insist” feign complete and total non-understanding of the request - because OF COURSE these people could not possibly be DEMANDING an expensive gift for their child.

36

They seem to have the concept of “godmother” confused with “fairy godmother.”

Take your magic wand and shove it up their [bleep].

37

Good Lord. I have a godmother AND am a godmother and I say that is totally inappropriate. I’ve never expected anything from my godmother other than support when my parents can’t be there, and my parents would never dream of being so brazen as to ask my godparents to buy anything for me.

38

That is ridiculous. I gave my godson a $500 savings bond (so I paid $250 for it) for his baptism and now he gets regular gifts for birthdays and X-mas like anyone else I love dearly. If his mom asked me for $2200 for bedroom furniture, I’d think she’d lost her mind.

Sam Stone has very good advice, I’d do what he suggests.

39

Here’s what I’d do:

I give my mom and dad a call and the convo goes like this:

Me: Hey mom, hey dad, remember that kid I became godfather of? They want me to give the kid a $2200 bedroom set for it’s second birthday.

Mom and Dad: Really? That’s just stupid, tell them to get fucked you can’t afford that. What the heck is a 2yo going to do with a new bedroom set, he won’t even care in 5 days. When you were a kid we HAD money and we made you a freaking bed and you loved it because it was a huge ass bed. Grandpa made the rest of your furniture for free and it was better than any junk you’ll find in Ikea.

Me: I was kind of hoping you could lend me the money. I don’t want to take my anger towards them out on the kid…

Mom and Dad: We aren’t stupid, we kind of figured that’s why you called. No, like we said, the kid won’t care and it isn’t your responsibility to furnish these fuckers house.

Me: Yeah, I know, I don’t even much like them but what am I going to do, say no? My godparents were one of my uncles and aunts and their sole responsibility was to take us if you guys died. That’s sort of what I thought I was in for. I didn’t know I was on the hook for $2200 every birthday. I do have a plan though.

Mom and Dad: It must be a great one, you’re brilliant.

Me: Anyhow, you guys give shit loads to charity every year right? You even canceled a trip b/c dad felt guilty and gave the money to charity? Well I thought you could earmark $2200 of your next years charity money and give that to a charity on behalf of the kid. Make it something cutesy that the kid will enjoy like the making bunnies cuter foundation or something. You guys don’t really care who gets credit for the donation right?

Mom and Dad: No, I suppose we don’t and I guess it does benefit us because the making bunnies cuter foundation won’t be calling us, it’ll be calling some 2 year old during dinner time. We should make all our donations under other peoples names. That way we can have a dinner without some asshole calling us. Aces, we’ll do it.

So yeah, the long and short of that is, tell your parents to give the money to charity on behalf of the kid. I’d love to see the parents [edit: of the kid your sister is the godmother to] try to stifle their anger when you give it to them.

Oh, and if you have a grandfather that is an amazing woodworker maybe get him to make the kid a bed. If he’s anything like my grandfather he’ll happily do it because he’s just that cool.

P.S. Sorry for the swearing, it’s how we talk.

40

I’m in the “I think I misunderstood your view of the duties of godmother” camp - regretfully insist that they find another godparent for their child.

That is one of the strangest requests I have ever heard.