Yes, she was overreacting. Yes, she will have people talk to her when she’s doing her job in public, sometimes more than once, and there’s a perfectly good way to get rid of someone who’s being inappropriate - that is to tell them to leave, or get someone with the authority to do that, and the police if they refuse. Not continuing to be nice to them, then going home and feeling “unclean”.
Also, don’t mischaracterise my post with that last one. Plenty of women have had problems with rape and sexual abuse. Fortunately for her, Broomstick is not one of them, at least in this instance, and for her to compare herself to them is fucking offensive.
For that matter, for her to compare a man hitting on her to a potential rapist is also fucking offensive.
So, Broomstick - are you going to apologise to sandra_nz for being an absolute raging bitch-cow to her, or are you going to continue to cherry-pick the “mean” responses and completely ignore people who have been giving you sympathy like you asked for?
Ok, NOW you’re justified, even sven. Now that’s a legitimate “You’re overreacting.” The other stuff you quoted is…mischaracterized.
Separately, can someone tell me why every time someone says “Here’s how you can deal with that situation,” someone else has to come in and go “Ahhh, blaming the victim, I see. Dick!” Since when is advice on how to cope with adverse situations blaming anybody, much less victims?
When I pitted the thief who has my GPS, and someone said something like “You shouldn’t ever leave it in your car,” did I come back with “Oh, so this is all my fault?” No. You know why? Because that would be stupid.
Excuse me? How the fuck did you get the idea I “continued to be nice to him”? First day, when it became apparent he was serious about demanding I fuck him I told him to “leave. NOW.” When he came back the next day I also told him to leave.
Why don’t you just come out and accuse me directly of leading him on? Which I didn’t, by the way. I stopped being nice to him and he still came back the next day.
And just how do you know whether or not I’ve suffered sexual abuse and/or rape in the past?
Anyone who has experience past sexual abuse and/or rape (woman or man) who found my posts offensive is welcome to state so directly - they don’t need you to make that call for them. Unless you are among their number. Are you?
On the other hand, the man who many years ago grabbed me around the neck, hauled me into the bushes, and started ripping my clothes off did, in fact, start with “hitting on me” and when I continued to say no escalated up to force. Upon reflection, maybe that past incident is part of why this upset me so much, and why I felt so unclean.
To clarify - no, that didn’t end in rape. It ended with my attacker curled up on the ground with a broken leg. That doesn’t mean it didn’t scare the shit out of me.
Alright, I’m gonna try it on some friends. It just so happens a bunch of us are going out to see the Avengers next week. It’ll be hard to get them to shake my hand, since we don’t usually do that, but if I’m successful, I’ll report it here
Really, guys? I’m far from one of those “garsh, I’m sorry for having a penis” men, and I’m as socially awkward as they come, but that guy was skeevy as hell and I wouldn’t blame anyone for being afraid, for their life or otherwise. That’s the kind of person who is so out of touch, and so beyond inadequately socialized that you don’t know what they’re going to do or where they’re going with anything. I know nobody is excusing his behavior, whatever his reasons for doing it, but the OP is pretty much in the right for being afraid. Hell, there’s no guarantee calling the police is even the right thing to do, he hadn’t done much other than skeeve her out, the chances of him getting off without being arrested are relatively high. They could remove him from the shop, but he knows where she works, there’s a non-trivial chance that will just tip him to the breaking point of “full on stalking, rape her because she deserved it.”
Okay, maybe “take three showers” thing is a little bit overreacting, but then, I’ve never understood the “taking a shower because I feel unclean” thing and always thought it was meant to be a joke. Either way, the emotional distress is in no way unwarranted. I’m sorry, Broomstick, nobody deserves that, it’s especially bad when you’re alone and a captive audience like that.
At which point he either left, or you called security, I hope.
Stop with the strawman arguments. You took his number, he took that as a sign you wanted further contact. Which is reasonable on his part.
I didn’t, and nor did I claim to.
I’ve seen the devastating effect it’s had on friends and loved ones. That’s close enough to me for me to state how offensive I find you claiming what happened to you here is equivalent to rape. If you don’t like that, tough, frankly.
I’m sorry to hear that, genuinely. I can see why that would be terrifying.
I can also see why what happened to you the other day would remind you of it. That doesn’t mean that there was any actual threat from him, or that you didn’t overreact. That the overreaction may be justified doesn’t change my opinion of his behaviour - which is that he was an arsehole, not a potential rapist.
Really? This stanky bowel movement of a thought plopped out from between the asscheeks behind where you store your brain, and you took a good, long look at it and thought, “yes! I am going to type that up, click the “preview post” button, bask in its glory some more, and then I’m going to go ahead and post that on the internet in reply to someone who just had a rather upsetting experience. What a jolly good plan!” Regardless of whether or not Broomstick overreacted, this is vile, and you are a vapid twit.
So, we’re only allowed to be scared by someone if they actually follow through with raping us? At what point then? Let’s run through some events:
1.Guy hits on her.
Guy gets rejected.
2.Guy hits on her.
Guy gets rejected.
3. Guy hits on her again.
More rejection.
4. Guy more aggressively hits on her- being more overt that his intentions are sexual.
More rejection.
5. Guy grabs her around the neck.
She fights-- sort of a physical rejection.
6. Guy starts ripping off her clothes.
She fights back and screams for help. More rejection.
7. Guy sticks his dick in her.
She screams and tries to get away.
At what point in that paradigm is a woman allowed to be reasonably scared of the guy or see him as a threat/potential threat? Genuine question. I’m curious how we’re supposed to know exactly when it’s fair to judge Mr. Creeper.
Because as a 26 year old woman, I’ve had steps one through four happen to me countless times in my life. I’ve had step 5 happen no less than 5 or 6 times since puberty (alright, if we’re counting grabbing my neck/jack and trying to violently pull me in for a kiss). I’ve had step 6 start to happen no less than 3 times. Fortunately, I’ve never actually been raped, but I’m still hyper aware of overly aggressive men who don’t understand the word no.
In these hypothetical situations, did the person relaying the incident ask for advice on “how to deal with the situation”? If not, then it’s not, “hey, since you need a suggestion, here’s what you could do”. It’s, “why didn’t you do this? I would have done that.” If your “advice” falls into the latter category, than heyo guess what, you are a dick and that is victim blaming.
Also, for future reference - most women don’t need advice from most men on how do deal with creepy dudes, seeing as how we are unfortunately in the position of having more experience with this issue. And Monday morning quaterbacking is even more infuriating when it’s coming from someone who’s never held a football.
Yes, she is one of those women, and that guy IS a potential rapist. This guy won’t accept that no means no, and isn’t that pretty much what a rapist is? Yeah, odds are good he would back down before things got to the point of holding her down and fucking her while she screams and cries and begs for him to stop…but then again, the odds that he wouldn’t back down before that are also pretty decent. The more times a guy ignores your no, the more likely it is things would play out the second way, and this guy has ignored her no at least three times. Once when she generally told him she wasn’t interested, again when she told him she was married, again when she told him to leave her shop NOW.
This guy is scary as shit, and the fact that you don’t see how scary he is frankly makes you just as scary.
Oh shut the hell up dumb ass. Give me a fucking break. So a sleazy man hit on her. It’s not the end of the damn world and frankly she’s overreacting. That’s if the incident even happended in the first place.
You stupid waste of space.
She probably should have posted this in another subforum where people could tell her everything she wants to hear. She posted it in the pit.