I pit myself for being a dumbass

I pit myself for this following reason.

I was supposed to date someone at 2pm today.

I saw her…

I looked at what clothes I had on, and wen to the bathroom and saw how I appeared.

I fucked off because I felt inadequate, and she looked great.

Plus this is the first in a long time for me ‘getting any’ so to speak.

Part of the stupidness was that I hadn’t been on a date ever before, and it was built up too much, and the fact I felt inadequate.

My personality has been subject to much ridicule, for instance, I’ve been told am too boring and plain, too quiet, and not much of a talker.

This is wat I kinda looked like on my ‘date’ today.

Ryan the dumbass

What should I do now? I’m planning on coming clean I owe her that at least, but what is she thinking?

So long as you don’t flip her off, as you did in the picture, you’ll be fine. Just tell her the truth and ask forgiveness.

But I wasted another opportunity because of what other people may of thought about me dating her.


She probably thinks that she is the idiot for getting too dressed up. She is probably telling her friends that she feels dumb because she dressed too fancy for what was obviously suppose to be a casual date.

I really won’t worry about this. First (and second, and third) dates are full of uncomfortable little misunderstandings.

If you liked her call her up and ask her out on another date.

Well seeing as she’s probably very pissed off right now, I’d say your only real option is to call her and tell her the truth. Don’t bother lying, that sort of thing catches up to you (believe me, I know). Just be a man, call her, appologize to her, and tell her the truth.

You’re running a little bit of a risk using the words, “I felt inadequate”. I’d use something along the lines of “I don’t date much and I panicked.” It’s still the truth (is it not?!?) and using words like inadequate gives her a lot of stuff to deal with at the beginning of a relationship.

I won’t be too hard on you, I’m not all that comfortable with the fairer sex myself. Best of luck.

Wait a second - I might have misread -

By “fucked off” do you mean left the date with out telling her?

If that is what you meant then I guess my earlier advice is of no use.

It really isn’t no big deal that you wore the wrong thing. She probably would have thought that it was her mistake too.

If you actually ran out on the date, that was a big dating no-no. If a man did that to me I wouldn’t go out on another date with him. You do owe her a phone call and an apology. After that, I would just chalk this up to a learning experience and move on. Dating is tough, you will get the hang of it.

Dump the “friends” who are ridiculing your personality. I am sure it is fine. So what if you aren’t a big talker. Everyone likes a good listener.

Just call her and arrange another date. And as Captain Amazing said, put that finger away until at least the third date.

Well, speaking as a woman who’s been on many, many dates, and has been known to overdress on occasion, this is my advice.

Phone her. Appologize profusely. And then tell the truth - you saw her and she looked great and then you felt dumb 'cus you thought you were underdressed and will she ever, ever, please forgive you for being such a tool and please let you make it up to her, 'cus you were really looking forward to the date and then you kind of flipped a bit.

She’ll probably a) feel flattered that her beauty was so intimidating (although I wouldn’t word it quite that way), and b) agree to go out with you again. However, if you ditch her a second time, you deserve to be beaten about the head and ears with a soggy lettuce leaf.

I think you looked fine in your picture, very cute, in fact! She may have been overdressed, and possibly, if you guys actually met, meen embarassed that she was more nicely dressed than you are. Either that, or she just might not have cared.

My boyfriend was casual (more so than I was) on our first date. It didn’t bother me, as I generally LIKE to dress up more when I’m out in public, and often will wear a skirt as opposed to jeans when I go somewhere. That just might be what she’s like.

Anyway, don’t listen to your friends. Sure, you may be quiet, but there’s nothing wrong with that. If you really were boring, they wouldn’t be your friends.

I’d say, come clean to the girl, make another date, and as long as your clothes are clean, don’t worry about how casual you look compared to her. Good luck!

I once let a guy stand me up four times before I gave up on him! I gave him the benefit of the doubt- he was out of experience, shy, nervous, a time/date/place misunderstanding, etc. You situation is not hopeless, however if you wish to attempt to salvage it, simple honesty will be required.

Had Mr 4xno-show been able to pony up a reasonable excuse the last time, I might have been tempted to give him a 5th try, but even my infinate patience knows an end.

Geez, lighten up on yourself! You’re cute! She obviously though enough of you to accept the date.

Call her up and try again. If she says no then chalk it up to lessons learned.

You’re much harder on yourself than she would be. She’s more worried about how she looks.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

What velvetjones said.

Holeeeeey Cow. Whatta smile you got there, cute stuff.

All the advice here is worth its salt. Honesty is the only way to go here, and the sooner the better. Call her and tell her you panicked, and ask for mercy. If she seems open to the idea…ask her out again. Unless you were going to a fancy dinner or a theatre production or something, you were dressed fine…so don’t worry too much about that. You’ll catch on. :smiley:

(Dang…10 years too much and an ocean away…) hehe…

Good luck!

IME getting a date was the hard bit. You look great. Phone her. She might well not be having any of it, but she might think it’s sweet.

And look at it like this: even if you hadn’t looked appropriate, so long as you’re clean, you should be able to have a laugh about it together. If not, would you be dating anyway? If you are always scruffy, big bad, but once doesn’t matter, though giving a good impression is nice.

The guy in that picture is cute. He has a good smile, and there’s nothing wrong with that black sweatshirt, unless you were taking her to the ballet or something.

I’m not really clear on whether you bailed on the date, or whether you went but felt like you hadn’t made a good impression. If A, then you owe her a big apology, and an honest one, but you aren’t going to look very good no matter what you say. If B, then stop worrying, you’re fine.

I got an Email

So I’ve said to her,

'I’ll be honest, I went and saw you there but bailed out, you see I’ve not dated much and felt inadequate (and because you looked great) I am sorry for what I did. You needed to know what the real reason was. ’


I agree that ducking out was horrific, but you can still salvage additional dates. You’ll have to pedal extra hard to make up for your faux pas though. Tell her the truth, apologize, be sincere, and try to make Date Two (if Date Two is possible) extra enjoyable.

Don’t worry to death over your ensemble, unless you’re going to the opera. Just be sure you’ve showered, shaved, maybe splash on a little (a LITTLE!) cologne, make sure all your clothes are clean and wrinkle-free, etc. For a pretty foolproof outfit try something like a well-ironed dress shirt if you have one, untucked over more casual pants, as long as they’re clean and in good condition. It’s an easy look to achieve, flattering on young guys and lots of girls find it attractive.

Dude, don’t email her. Call her.

You owe her at least a phone call for standing her up.

Not every girl wants a guy who’s the life of the party. Your description of yourself sounds like the kind of guy I go for. You’re very good looking. Actually, if I wasn’t engaged (or in the States), I’d go out with you.

Stop putting yourself down. Don’t think about what other people think. Other people are oppionated jerks. If she agrees to see you again, go as yourself, even if that means not dressing up and being quiet. If she doesn’t like you, it’s her loss.

She thought enough of you to agree to go out with you in the first place. She must see something she likes. Give her a chance to like you, and give yourself a chance. You’re going to be who you are for a long time, you really want somebody who likes that person. So forget about what your friends say, and be the Ryan you are.

And if it makes any difference, I’d give you a second chance, just for that smile. (Of course, I’m way too old for you, but you know what I mean.)