I forgot to mention in my earlier post that I had a similar relationship about a hundred years ago (I left him to come to Calgary too, as a matter of fact). We’ve pretty much all been there, one time or another.
I would like to point out, and you probably know this already, that as an adult, nobody needs to take responsibility for him. Nobody ever paid my bills for me, or most other adults’. And being alone is when you learn about yourself, and makes you someone who can be half of a healthy couple.
If I could teach young women two things, it would be don’t sell yourself short, and don’t expect other people to change. Come to think of it, young men could use that knowledge too.
DO NOT e-mail her. That is not moving on. She’ll find out that he’s a prick all on her own, and would you really deprive her of such a valuable life lesson? I mean, after all, you did learn a lot yourself. You learned about trust and not being a doormat and how to hook up with a guy who can support himself all by his lonesome without relying on Mommy or Daddy or Current Girlfriend.
Pay your bills, and concentrate on moving past this.
If you were around, I’d give you a big hug, and then tell you that men are no good. It’s not true in a lot of cases, but it seems to be part of the human condition to not be able to see bad things about our partners when we’re in love - even when others around us can. I guess that’s how we’re wired. Don’t beat yourself up, dear, because a lot of people have put up with a lot more and for a lot longer. You got out with a bit of financial damage and a little over a year of time - that’s not too bad, considering what it takes to convince some folks to leave.
I’d say the second is on me, but others have chimed in ahead of me. I think we’ve all been there, Rebekkah, whether it’s an SO or a friend or some other person in our lives. It’s easy to trust those you care about, and hard to see fault even when it’s pointed out by others.
Because it is true in a lot of cases. Being gay, I’ve somehow been decided upon as the shoulder to cry on for female friends with relationship troubles (and I have no idea why it is that we’ve gotten stuck with that role.) And frankly, I’ve heard enough stories to make me realize just how awful guys can be, even if my own experiences weren’t enough to tell me that.
I’m sure girls are just the same, but I’ve spent a lot less time consoling straight guys or lesbians, so I just don’t have the personal experience to tell me it’s true.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt the thread with by starting another skirmish in the gender wars. I just meant to offer a few kind words.
My point is, why say “men are no good” instead of saying something more accurate, like “Some men are no good”, or “That particular man is no good.” I don’t mean to start another skirmish either. It just bothers me when I see people using stereotypes.
Dude, it’s because when shit happens to us, we go out, get drunk, and tear shit up. I’ve been through some soul-wrenching stuff, but it’s never occured to me to cry on anyone’s shoulder.
As for the OP…don’t beat yourself up. Everyone gets taken for a ride sometime. At least you know that you were, and have moved on. I know people that were totally ripped off, and somehow still make excuses for their ex, and will wax nostalgic about them.
Yeah, I got your point. And I’m sorry if I offended you, but this isn’t the appropriate thread to discuss it. If you want to start something in GD, let me know, or email or IM me. I don’t want to take up someone else’s personal thread with a side conversation.
Rebekkah–there is a good chance that he will try to come back into your life, after his current victim kicks him out. Be kind and understanding and invite him up. Then kick his ass downstairs. Run down to him and apologize, saying you just had to get it out of your system, and help him back up the stairs again. Then kick him back down again, saying, “I learned to tell when someone is lying to me, assmaggot. Too bad you couldn’t do the same!”