This has been a long time coming, and despite that this is inspired by the forum name changes, and despite that it’s April fools, I mean it.
I’m pitting all you Peeps haters out there. Peeps are a wonderful, delicious and bright colored, happy, fun-filled treats. I absolutely love them. Sometimes I can scarf down a dozen or more in just one sitting.
I am GLAD that Peeps have expanded into every single holiday imaginable. Back in the olden days, you had to wait until Easter every year to get your hands on those delicious little chicks. But now you can enjoy Peeps of every shape, color and flavor under the sun, depending on the holiday.
It truly is a wonderful time to be a human being on this planet. With all the technological advances, social advances, political advances, and Peep advances, we are wanting for very little. I wish I could buy the world a Peep; it would probably end all wars and bring peace and understanding between all the societies and religions across the globe.
To those of you who hate Peeps, I ask but one question. Do you know who else hated Peeps? That’s right. You know who I’m talking about. And you don’t want to be like THAT person do you? No. How do I know he hated Peeps? Well because he didn’t provide any to his soldiers or prisoners, of course. What a jerk.
So, all of you Peep haters can just take your preferred candy and stick em up your Islets of Langerhans because today is Peeps day and one day, EVERY day will be Peeps day!!!
I’d be willing to bet if you traveled the world with peeps, looking for people who had never seen nor heard of them, they would take one look and say “American”. Why give a child a peep, why not just a bowl of sugar and a spoon, maybe a shot glass full of Red Dye #3? A good starter kit for parents who’s ambition is to raise a diabetic.
I don’t like them, but for a more selfish reason than fear for the blood sugar of the children of tomorrow or a generous wish to let animals keep their hooves— it’s because they suck. Packing material in the shape of a baby chick is still inedible!
Peeps are never going amount to anything important because their timing sucks.
When the Peeps get here the whole scene is already awash in hard boiled eggs and chocolate. Why would anyone bother to grab a Peep when there is a delicious chocolate bunny within arms reach?
And don’t even get me started on the passive-aggressive ply of mimicking baby chickens at a time that mother hens are giving up all of their precious eggs for the hard boiled festivities.
Yea, they’re basically just brightly coloured disappointment. They look so happy and tasty, and then you put one in your mouth, and its like someone sprinkled sugar on Styrofoam. And its all chewy, so its not like you can just swallow and get the experience over with, you have to sit there and chew it before you can get it down, reflecting on the unfairness of a universe that would produce something so joyfully tasty looking on the outside, and so disgusting on the inside, reminding yourself never to trust again. Like a cow chewing on cud, except I imagine cud tastes better.
I was served a peep yesterday and I didn’t eat it.
We had brunch at our house and had some friends over. One of them made this pie-like creation. I don’t know. It was like a lemon custard but the bottom was filled with white chocolate M&Ms and the whole top of the pie was covered in Peeps. The M&Ms’ color leaked off into the custard and created this moldy colored look making the whole confection unappetizing. Still, you want to be a good host and eat it. Turns out I’m a bad host.
Peeps are the stuff. On the other hand, they seem to have come up with some anti-miracle preservative that keeps them from ever getting properly stale. When I was a kid, they damn well came stale, which is the proper condition for maximum Peep-joyment. There is, however, a solution to this problem: pop 'em in the freezer. Sucks that moisture right out of 'em and gets 'em good and stale in no time.
