Let’s blow a fanfare and roll out the red carpet for our resident celebrity!
I sure do like grits
Why don’t you just eat a jar of paste? It’s the same thing.
The screen saver sure makes some pretty patterns.
Set the pipe down, you…you…hippy!
It’s so difficult to remember the name Myanmar. I wish they’d change it back to Burma.
Oh sure, take the side of the imperialist British conquerors who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pronounce the country’s proper name so they came up with “Burma.” Like there isn’t enough civil war there already.
Sky rockets in flight… afternoon delight…
Stop with the coy references to your daytime sexual adventures. It’s highly insensitive to those of us who don’t have a partner we could canoodle with in the afternoon.
It’s time for my morning run.
So, YOU’RE one of those jerks who nearly knocks me over every morning while getting your stupid “runner’s high.” Hope you step in dog poop and then break your ankle.
I just ordered a really nice bouquet for my Mom, for Mother’s Day.
Yet another fool who buys into the whole stereotypical ‘girls like flowers and boys like monster trucks’ gender role thing. The world is more nuanced than that, Pal!
Ah, the weekend will soon be here and it’s supposed to be nice outside. I’ll have to bust out the lawn chair and read some Shakespeare.
How about busting out the lawn mower and getting some real work done. Oh wait, then you wouldn’t have time to read Shakespeare, you’d be too busy reading the instruction manual.
I feel like my hair is growing like a weed.
Someone always has to bring up the topic of weed! I’m sick of it. It’s all over the news constantly. Does everything always have to resort to drugs?!
Well though…when is it finally going to be legalized?!
I’m glad it’s Friday.
What? You don’t want to say, “Thank God it’s Friday”? Are you afraid you are going to offend someone? Afraid to mention God? Or are you one of those atheists? You know, one of those people who war without a noble cause.
I’ve got to let my belt out a notch but this week’s meals were worth it.
You slob, you. Go on a diet.
I had a massage today.
I bet it had a “happy ending,” you perv.
I just renewed my Straight Dope Message Boards subscription
Oh, so you get to keep your cherished widdle title, you precious snowflake you. :barf:
I have lost 8 pounds this year.
Well I found it, on your ass!
Ah, Saturday! Lazy day for me.
Was that an attempt at humor? We know the other 6 days are on your lazy list, too.
I’m looking forward to watching the Kentucky Derby later today.
Horse racing is just enslaving innocent animals for human amusement. People like you who encourage it are disgusting.
My neck itches.
Maybe you should wash it once in a while.
I found some KFC coupons on my morning walk.
And instead of leaving them for some poor deserving person who needed help with their food budget, you snatched them up, didn’t you? I bet you don’t even use them.
This thread amuses me.
Oh so you think I’m funny? I’m funny how? Funny, like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? Whattya you mean funny? How am I funny, huh!?
Joe Pesci certainly was a skilled actor.
So now your an expert on acting? I don’t recall anyone in the room asking for your opinion.
I had an unexpectedly easy day at work today.