Stop living in the past. There’s plenty of good new TV out there.
I still haven’t seen the Big Bang Theory season finale.
Well, whose fault is that? I guess you’ll tell us, you’ve been too busy with more important things.
I’m enjoying a beer right now, and honestly, we stopped watching Big Bang about half way through this season.
Because you started drinking earlier in the day. Having black outs now? Tsk.Tsk.
Found a new cat food. My cats really like it.
Has your family caught on that it’s the secret ingredient of your meat loaf recipe yet?
The recent rains washed away the last of the pollen (I hope).
Well, isn’t that a wonderful thing to say to someone living under a flood watch?
The Tony Awards are next month.
You really can’t find anything more constructive to do than go on about an awards show a month away?
I’ve got chicken in the slow cooker.
You still use a slow cooker? When you could produce tastier food and help stimulate the economy by investing in an Instapot? Obviously you hate your family and America.
I’m having trouble deciding what sentence to put here.
You can’t think of anything benign to say? Have you accomplished nothing positive or constructive? Have you no good news to taut at all? Cairo was supposed to be the cradle of civilization, you live in Hawaii, and you still can’t come up with anything?
Coca-Cola - you can’t beat the real thing.
So all the women who complain about being beaten are not real people?
I found a dollar bill today.
You immediately donated it to a local charity, I hope? No? Jeez, how selfish!
Just got back from an overnight visit with family.
Is that because you were free loading or were you just too lazy to drive home?
I made banana bread yesterday afternoon.
Banana bread is practically all carbs - all that white flour and sugar! Are you trying to poison the people around you?
I had a nice chat with the proprietor of Bri’s Big Island Barbecue today.
Are staking out the joint to burglarize it? Scoping out the security? Looking where the safe is? Mapping out escape routes? Putting together a 16 point action plan? You are no Lee Marvin.
My cat’s breath smells like cat food.
Duh! It could be mouse breath. Count your blessings.
I got some good pictures of my daughter today.
You’re one of those parents who spends all their time obsessing over and bragging about their children, aren’t you? Do you have any idea how much you are boring people?
Yesterday I got a really short haircut.
Neo-nazi punk!
I think my friend could become a famous chef.
Could, would and should don’t count for shit.
I’m off work today and the weather is great for taking a long walk.
Did you give a moment’s thought for all the legless Dopers who would be reminded by your insensitive remark of all they have lost?
I haven’t used my stapler in the past two minutes.
Congratulations. You now know what paper clips are for.
I love my new riding lawnmower. Takes me 15 minutes to get all my mowing done. Better than 2 hours with a pushmower.
Oh right, so you’re too good to put in the effort like the rest of us? Coming in here with your time saving eccentricities.
So I joined an internet forum around 10 years ago and forgot. Then I found it again.