Well look who doesn’t have to fight pet allergies! Glad little Foo-foo can make you smile while I die from clogged sinuses, red eyes, and constant sneezing.
I had a date last night.
A date? Seriously? There are people who are out here dying of easily preventable tragedies and you waste your time trying to be happy and making the most of your life? For shame.
I got all caught up on my laundry tonight.
About time. You were smelling kinda musty.
My cat is purring so loud I can hear it across the room.
That’s because the rest of your family isn’t around to muffle the sound because your house smells like cat piss.
My friend’s handicapped father almost ran over my foot in his motorized wheelchair.
It’s not* “handicapped”, you bigot, it’s “differently mobile”*. Go worship Hitler somewhere else.
Sometimes I drink water.
Doing your level best to put America’s bottlers, vintners and brewers out of business, eh? Thanks.
One of my coworkers is talking a bit too loudly on the phone next door.
Well, hello Mr. Sensitive Ears. Don’t you know some people have an addiction to those things and have to be on them all the time? Do you want the cell phone police to arrest your neighbor?
I loved watching the Tony Awards this year.
Glad you enjoyed it, because that’s as close as you’ll ever get to people with actual talent.
Our garden is producing delicious vegetables this year.
And undocumented immigrants lose more jobs.
I let my dog run around and get exercise for a full hour today.
And how many people got really scared, feeling threatened by your stupid dog?
I’m wearing a cool shirt today: It says ANYTHING, but the NY are in the style of the New York Yankees logo. So it really says “A New York Thing.”
Oh, I’m sorry, I think that you have the autocorrect on, and it somewhat changed* “ridiculously tacky”* with “cool”.
I believe that there’s good in everyone.
There is good in everyone. They will hope the placebo effect works after they sell you a case of snake oil.
My dog pooped in the house again when I was gone. The bitch is afraid of storms.
Do you kiss your children with that mouth?
I hurt my big toe. It is swollen.
You must have kicked your kid.
Time for some rest. Good night, sweet dreams.
I’ll sleep when I damn well want to. You’re not the boss of me!
Not sure Ryan Gosling is who I would cast as Neil Armstrong: First Man - Trailer (HD) - YouTube
The next time a Hollywood director is deciding who to cast in a leading role, you will certainly be contacted for approval before the final decision is made. Or not.
I’m joining my friends at the local tavern for a drink later today.
You and your AA group have a relapse?
Yay, going to Frankie’s Fun Park as part of Employee Appreciation Week!
FUN! YAY! Frankie’s is so much more FUN than the QUARTERLY BONUS that we USED TO GET! Three cheers for M&A!!!
I think I’ll go swimming this afternoon!
I almost drowned once while I was swimming. Now I can’t stop thinking about that near-tragedy. Trigger words, dude!
I really don’t mind being called “dude.”
Oh sure, -you- don’t mind. Do you ever even think of how other people feel about you being called ‘Dude’?
At least I can munch some nice trail mix today!