Yeah, yeah, yeah… we get it. You have a wife, not a pillow with a picture of an anime girl on it. You can afford to pay for your lunch instead of searching for it in dumpsters like us, the common folk. You can even digest food like a healthy human.* “La-di-da, look at me, I’m such a biiiiig deal…” *. Now, if you are done bragging about yourself, some of us would like to continue with this thread, thank you very much.
Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Spouting 66 year old movie references, are we? Why don’t you leave the sci-fi convention you’re attending, go home and tell your parents you’re moving out of their basement and get your own place. Don’t have enough money saved up, you say? Just sell your comics and My Little Pony collections!
I’m heading off to the park to look for four-leaf clovers.
Well, if you see my dog Rover, keep it to yourself AND DON"T SING IT.
It’s a nice day out. We’re not even supposed to get over 100F.
Nice? By what, your standards? Maybe think about other people once in awhile.
I have a load of laundry in the dryer.
You are wasting electricity, and clothes dried outside smell better.
I just had a lovely afternoon snack of coffee and oatmeal raisin cookies.
Well, there went the diet. Again. And you do know that caffeine this late in the day keeps you up at night, right? And you need all the beauty sleep you can get.
I’m going to a concert this weekend.
With your drug addled friends? Try not to overdose.
I am watching a Beatles documentary.
Well, God knows the Beatles didn’t do any drugs.
It’s late, but I still need to work on the truck…
So you can roll some coal all over those fags riding their bikes, right? Don’t forget the sticker in the rear window of Calvin pissing on Hillary. I’m sure your tired of winning so much.
My butthole flaps are discolored.
A truck? You can’t think of the environment and drive some kind kind little hybrid or, even better, ride a bicycle?
I hear that Netflix will soon have the entire Monty Python catalog; movies and TV.
Drag your refrigerator into the bathroom and turn your phone off. You don’t have a life.
I’m binging on Dawkins and Hitchens and Harris on Youtube.
WTF?(I just couldnt let this pass) How in hell do you know? No don’t answer…I don’t want to know.
I am seeing things I’d rather not see. I need brain bleach.
We’ve been recommending that ever since you joined.
My workplace is letting us work half day Fridays in July & August!
Don’t brag, it’s been lying there cold and wrinkled for a week and a half!
I will celebrate my weekend with an evening out with my friends! 
Right, and I suppose you expect them to pay for your “celebration.” And don’t forget the free drugs.
I got nine hours of “beauty sleep” last night, since I need all I can get.
It wasn’t enough. Trust me.
I’m almost finished with the book I’m reading.
Good for you. I won’t spoil the ending by telling you what really happens to Bambi’s mom.
I’m going to start watching a new Netflix series this evening.
How nice for you. Some of us have to work and actually do something productive for society, to keep you in the indolent, parasitical lifestyle to which you’ve so plainly become accustomed. You’re welcome.
I’d never borrow money from these Fuggers: Fugger family - Wikipedia
Which would be great news for them, since we all know what a mooch you are and they would never, ever, see it back.
*“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” *― Albert Camus
Merde, what does a dead French guy know about how I should live my life?
I already even knew his name’s pronounced “Ca MOO.”