Malignant outrage!
I am watching a stupid cop show.
Cops are stupid? Blue lives matter jerk!
My leg itches.
I remember having legs…
Time to make more donuts!
That’s so mean. You don’t offer to share the donuts, and didn’t even ask what kind I like. Btw,I like lots.
I am awful at following driving directions, I get lost a lot.
If you would ever figure out your smartphone, you would find that there is this cool thing called a GPS. It would behoove you to learn how to use it.
I spent too much time in the sun today.
Yea, guess what? It rained here today. No sun. You’re just greedy.
I am having chocolate ice cream.
Nice. It’s 100 degrees out and we’re in the middle of a drought. Thank you SO MUCH for mentioning your wonderful rain and ice cream! 
I need to get an early night’s sleep tonight.
Have you really not thought of everything that you are leaving undone? And you have a clear enough conscience to actually sleep. I just don’t get you.
Tomorrow I’ll meet a man that I have not yet met. We have only talked by phone.
Careful, or you’ll be put on that list again.
I’m heading to church. It’s secular, but it’s still church.
Either go to a real church, or go to Hell, but make up your fucking mind, would you?
I’m sorry if I offended anyone with that f-bomb.
Oh you’re sorry all right. I can’t think of anyone sorrier!
I am typing this sentence.
Not writing, typing. Even Kerouac would agree.
It’s a nice day to go swimming.
It’s a nice day to shut the hell up! You can take your swimming and shove it up your ass!
So then, what’s up?
What’s up? Why don’t you wake the hell up and stop asking such mundane questions, that’s whats up.
We got a new printer.
I just wanted to say that the new printer probably isn’t half as nice as Endil’s Heirs is. Loves to go off about the office supplies, that one 
.
Got nothing to say, PatPat? Good, because that’s just the way we like it.
The in-laws came over for dinner tonight.
And I see that you have nothing good to say about them. You write about them with an absolute lack of emotion. Do they know how much you utterly despise them? I see that you’re one of those persons who treat their own family with barely disguised contempt. Well, believe me, they probably aren’t that happy to see you either.
The Bee Hummingbird is the world’s smallest bird.
And humanity is doing its very best to render it and so many other endangered species extinct, while you just sit here and share useless ornithological factoids. Please.
Hi.
Are you implying I come high to work? No, I’m not high!
I’m glad I learned to drink coffee black. It saves on a few calories that milk or cream would add.
Now maybe you could learn some important things, like, good manners. It’s really not polite to belittle people that may like cream in their coffee.
The sky is so blue, it’s a gorgeous day!