Lettuce? You’re wasting your time and your garden space planting lettuce when you could be planting crops with more nutritional value, like kale and spinach and arugula?
I’ve been reading about foods and their nutritional value.
Well, aren’t you quite the smarty pants? Show off much? We’re all going to die anyway, might as well enjoy what we can.
I just came back from walking the dogs.
You meany, you made those dogs wait half a day to have fun. What next? Make them beg for their food?
I just watched Ice skating. It is so beautiful to look at.
Enjoy it while you can. Thanks to global warming, the movie Ice Pirates will soon be considered a brilliant prophetic masterpiece.
I hope I get a space herpe.
Do you mean herpes, or is that some kind of snake reference? It’s common courtesy to define unusual terms, jerk.
Our sons’ spring break ends today.
Quote irrelevant movies that nobody’s seen much?
I think I’ll go to bed at a reasonable time tonight.
Yeah, probably because you were out partying and doing who-knows-what till all hours last night.
I just finished my cancer treatment today, and have been proclaimed cancer-free!!!
Shill for Big Pharma, huh? You’re what’s wrong with America!
I heard Spring is finally here!
Do you believe everything you hear? Wake up, sheeple!
My feet are a little hot; I think I’ll take off my shoes.
They’re hot because of all the fungus and rot growing on them. Green is not an attractive color for toenails, and you probably need a spoon to clean out the jam between your toes. Hand out gas masks to those around you first. I hear you are banned in Japan.
I’m taking the family to the circus tonight.
Introducing the kids to their relatives, huh?
I’m in such a great mood!
Talking about your “great mood” is a slap in the face to everyone battling depression. Jerk.
We had leftovers for dinner tonight.
Leftovers, what, you can’t cook?
Look, is that the sun?
Are you trying to blind me, what is wrong with you?
I finished the whole cross-word in the paper today.
Huh. The orderlies in your mental ward trusted you with a pen?
I prefer purple to green.
Well I’m red-blue colorblind, and thanks for reminding me of my disability and triggering feelings of shame imposed by the ableist power structure. Resist!
Gosh, some people are touchy.
You misspelled Douchey. I mean, really, open a tab in your browser and check the spelling before you put it out for the whole world to see.
I can’t believe it’s STILL snowing out.
You chose to live in the frigid wastes. Embrace the snow and frostbite or move to where it’s warm and sunny, dumbass!
Speaking of warm and sunny, I think its gonna hit 92 here today.
“I think its gonna hit 92”!?! Really??? Calling the grammar police! You mean “it’s” and not “its”! You mean “going too”, not “gonna”! And how about “hit”? Do you really need to use language that implies violence?
My cat is sleeping on the couch.
And you are probably thinking about laying down and napping too. Go get some exercise, it’s good for you in case you haven’t heard.
I’m working a half day tomorrow.