I cannot believe how lazy some people are. Makes more work for the other guy. Have you no shame?
I made a great meatloaf for dinner.
Meat is murder. Try something soy-based next time, would you, please, you culinary criminal?
Time to clip my toenails, I think.
Ick. Is there anything worse than stepping on a clipped toenail leaving that idiots like you leave on the floor?
Try to brush and floss my teeth.
Passive-aggressive dental hygiene, huh? Guess you’re so f–king lazy that you can’t - or won’t - do it yourself.
I like donuts.
People who use dashes in the word “sofa king,” as in sofa—king lazy, are reptiles.
I like women in short skirts on ladders.
Pervert!
I took a lovely walk around the library instead of standing still, waiting for it to open.
Great, now the security has been alerted. That’s gonna cost the library money for the false alarm. TAX money. Why do you hate children and learning?
How about that local sports team?
You mean that relic of the gender-segregation era, which normalizes the notion that males and females can’t compete with each other? I’m sure they’re doing fine, reaping the profit which comes of pandering to such outdated notions, unless you’re actually talking about the team relegated to the Female Leagues.
Does anyone else here still DX shortwave broadcasts?
Shortwave radio? What are you, some kind of Communist sympathizer sending info to your buddies in North Korea so Kim knows where to aim the missiles?
I’m helping my friend quit drinking.
With a friend like you, your friend needs all the intoxicants he can get his hand on.
I finally got my desk organized.
Wow, and it only took you six months. Maybe now you can actually do some work for the company that’s overpaying you.
I just got that red Ford pickup I’ve been drooling over. It’s got 600 horsepower and I can’t wait to take on those wimpy Chevies and Dodges
Yes, I can just see you going 100 mph while texting. And if you hit someone, it will be their fault for not paying attention when they were in the crosswalk, crossing on a green light.
My employer is buying us pizza and soda for lunch. Free Food!
How is it free if someone is “Buying” it. And soda and pizza ain’t the healthiest. We’ll be paying your medical bills at some point, I imagine. Numbnuts.
I just got a new work laptop. So much faster than the last one.
Ah, first world joys. Must be nice.
Katy Perry just agreed to go on a date with me! Wonder where I should take her?
“Take her”? Is she an object? A mere plaything? Do you own her? Sexist patriarchal scumbag. Yeesh.
I was just complimented on my shirt.
You actually put clothes on? In your line of work, I thought clothing was optional!
I had a pleasant meeting with my nutritionist.
nm.
Please spare us having to hear any of the tawdry details of this tryst, or what did you call it… ‘meeting’ and how ‘pleasant’ it was.
Yay, it’s hump day! Only two more days left and then the weekend is here!
Yeah, you’re looking forward to the weekend. Meanwhile, I’m dreading it because my mother-in-law is arriving Friday for what she refuses to call anything but “a somewhat lengthy visit.” Thanks for reminding me of the old battleaxe!
I’m getting my niece interested in stamp collecting.
Stamp collecting? Haw Haw! She is paying the post office to do NOTHING. They sure hornswaggled her!
I sold all my possessions and gave all the money to homeless charities.