How dare you give us such a disgustingly suggestive lead-in like that? I know you hid that comment from your daughter. Gawd, I hope you did. Dirty dirty mind!
My nephew raises crabs.
And probably has them.
My great-niece starts college next month.
University of Phoenix will send out another mail-order degree soon.
Just took a nice relaxing** dump**.
With this achievement, you’ve probably reached the pinnacle of your successful endeavors in this lifetime.
This ball point pen has run out of ink.
That’s what happens when you write “All work and no play makes Cardigan dull” 5000 times in a series of notebooks. Get Help Now!
I have to make a call to a P.O.
Still have to check in with your parole officer, huh. How long have you been out of the joint?
I’ve never been in prison, myself.
Which just goes to show the sad state of affairs the legal system is in at the moment.
This thread is quite meta.
That’s because every thread you are in turns out to be all about you!
My wife and I are going to “Taste of Calgary” tonite.
Which I’m sure will feature thousands of slaughtered creatures, why don’t you strangle a baby bunny while you’re at it?
I’m really glad it’s Friday.
I’m sure that’s because you are anxious to return to your drugged and drunken stupor.
Friday’s are good.
Oh, so you’re one of those Venerdists, huh?! Always going on and on about getting off work for just two days! Putting down all the other days. And what you Venerdists call Monday is unacceptable! Your kind make me sick!
I’m eating more vegetables these days.
Are you judging those that don’t? My goodness, you people that think you are so superior. Have a bag of chips and chill.
Pie is so darn good.
Oh, a euphemism freak are you? Well, shit damn, aren’t we proper!
I’ve got poison ivy.
There are plenty of disabled people that would like nothing more than a nice walk in the woods, you don’t need to remind them that they can’t!
The zucchini are starting to come in nicely this summer.
Pervert!
I like smart people.
If you mean that you like people who are smarter than you, you must be the friendliest guy around.
Sloths are funny looking.
Then you must be closely related, don’t make fun of your family tree.
I have a meeting this afternoon.
With who? Your parole officer?
I got a good night’s sleep yesterday.
Today. You got a good night’s sleep today. *“Today” *starts at 00:00, you illiterate dingbat. Maybe part of yesterday and today, if you went to sleep earlier than that. But we all know you didn’t. Not with your lifestyle.
I believe in the separation of powers.
I’m sure the powers you want separated don’t give a shit.
Going to watch some Venture Brothers.