Yeah, go ahead and continue the deforestation!
Merry Christmas!
Ba humbug, …schmuckhole!
Today was pleasantly uneventful.
Alone again, huh? Maybe try bathing next year. The smell is off-putting. Just sayin’
Christmas dinner dishes are all clean. Food is stored. Yay!
You have dishes to clean and food to store? Think of the people who have neither, but spent Christmas going hungry.
I worked 5 hours yesterday. Double pay!
But did you stop for even a minute to consider all the poor, often starving, people who are lucky if they can get five hours of poorly paid work in an entire year? Stop gloating about your good fortune and share some of that wealth with the less fortunate!
My grandchildren were so cute opening gifts yesterday.
That’s half the fun of being a grandparent - spoiling the little squalling bratlets rotten then sending them home to their ever so grateful parents. Your fun is making the rest of us miserable and poisoning the next generation with unrealistic expectations.
I need a Tylenol.
Oh, boo-hoo. What First World problem has you in a tizzy now?
I think I have a squirrel trapped in my walls.
Hearing those noises again, huh? Have the hallucinations started again, too?
I just ate a chocolate chip cookie.
You do realize that the cocoa beans used to make those chocolate chips were harvested by child slave laborers, right? I hope you enjoy it, because they never will.
It sure is quiet around the office today.
Yeah, guess what? You’ve been sacked. No one there? Just wait the e-mail’s coming.
Watching Dr. Who marathon. I’m about timey-wimey’d out. Whew!
That sounds great! Hey, did I ever tell you I have magical powers? You see, I can envision how the next Dr. Who episode you will watch is going to end… let me focus… I see… I see… I see the doctor Deus Ex Machinaeing his way out of whatever situation he got himself into that week! With some dumb implausible sounding pseudo science! Yeah. Enjoy frying whatever’s left of your brain with that rubbish.
Good journalism should be objetive.
It should also be properly spelled.
It’s too early in the morning to be this early in the morning.
It’s also waaay too Thursday! Deal with it!
We have a craptastic amount of snow outside.
It snowed in December? Alert the press and the weather police!
We got all the post-holiday returned items back on the shelves yesterday. “Many happy returns” does not apply to store workers.
Yeah, but you and I both know people turned around and wasted that cash on booze. Took their kids toys back to the store for cash. What losers.
I’m tired of leftovers already.
You’re complaining that you have so much food that you can’t eat it all in one sitting? I’m sure starving Yemenis in Sana’a sympathize with your First World problems, Princess Privilege.
My athlete’s foot is flaring up again.
Athlete’s foot? Like you’ve ever done anything athletic in your lazy life! A friggin’ foot fungus is what you’ve got. Yes, your feet are moldy and they probably smell bad too. Try bathing and changing your socks more than once a month.
I can barely wait to visit my daughter and her family this weekend.
Mooching off your kids again, I see. I’m sure They really want to see you coming.
I have a lunch date tomorrow.
Say ‘hi’ to your parole officer from me.
The cat goes ‘meow’.
Is Fluffy talking to you again? Have you been taking your meds?
I slipped on the ice yesterday.