You’re not made of sugar, you won’t melt.
I got 3 very nice tomatoes from my garden this morning.
Nice? Did they pay you some compliments?
My new washing machine is very quiet.
Especially when you never use it, you slob.
Gave my cat food and salmon, she still purrs and wants attention!
Yes, because she needs emotional connection with you as well. We are you so cold and closed off?
Just had a yummy quesadilla.
I think that is called cultural appropriation. So insensitive. Get a frankfurter and French fries.
My partner is hot, hot, hot!
I can’t believe you would be so shallow. Oh, wait, I can believe that.
Do I really want to watch this DVD left at my door by religious loonies?
Not all religious believers who leave DVDs at your door are loonies.
Now that mornings are cooler, my early morning walk is such a joy.
Stealth-bragging that you get up early, eh? That sort of valorization of sleep deprivation is unhealthy. I suppose you’re also proud of your anorexia and MDMA addiction, too?
According to the National Weather Service, gonna be sweltering all week, sigh.
I hope you’ve gotten over the idea that wearing deodorant causes cancer crap.
I’m seeing It Chapter Two tonight.
What, do you think you look cool dropping “IT” from the movie title?
I wonder if the movie “Madagascar” is popular in Madagascar?
What other nonsensical crap do you waste your time thinking about, that’s what I’m wondering.
Flowers in my garden are growing well, thank you.
My third cousin twice removed died from a heroin overdose, flower man. Now are you happy?
Puppies are cuter than kittens, but only just barely.
So you drown kittens, is that what you’re saying?
Stupid gnats all over the place.
You didn’t mention the lice and the roaches. Your house and garden must be a veritable dungheap! Clean all the crap and garbage up, for Chrissake!
Patient’s wife gave me a hug and a cake today for my help treating her husband.
We all know what “help treating her husband” means. Did he consider your “help” a “treat”?
No crazies in my checkout line at work last night!
So jaded, huh. Crazy looks normal. Do you look normal, Annie, in the mirror? Do you?
I like green tea with honey.
Do you have any idea the backbreaking labor of millions of Chinese laborers across the PDRC go through to pick the billions of leaves needed just so you can drink a damn cup of green tea and support the green tea industry. But do you care? Do you give a damn? No!
Oh and the honey. Bees are dying across the globe. Like you care.
Happy to be alive.
Do you know how many millions of dead people there are who would be ecstatic to be alive? None. Because they’re dead. You bastard.
Pizza tonight, I think.
Did you flunk basic grammar in grade school?
I just had some four cheese pierogies.
Oh, good, we need to know the progress of your quest to get your BMI into the 60s. Nice to know my taxes are going to have to pay for the emergency treatment when you stroke out.
Didn’t have pizza, after all - had a burrito bowl and water.