A burrito bowl? And you think atimnie will stoke out first? I don’t think so. Looks like you’ve got yourself a competition going there!
Just saw the Improvised Shakespeare Company, who make up Shakespeare plays on the spot! Hilarious fun!
We’re all sure that’s because actual Shakespeare plays are too challenging for you to enjoy.
I forgot to buy sour cream.
Bully for you. What, did you want to die from a bacterial infection?
I think I’ll watch the Mets play the Dodgers today.
Meanwhile, the weeds in your yard are taking over the neighborhood. Get your priorities straight.
It’s almost time to go grocery shopping.
When is it time? When there’s clouds of flies circling rotted fruit and the milk is curdled grey lumps? Go to the store already!
It’s Sunday, bagel day!
Is that supposed to be some kind of antisemitic remark?
Drinking iced coffee with creme brulee creamer.
Ooooh, “creme brulee creamer”! Aren’t we just Mister Fancypants with our “creme brulee creamer”! The hell’s wrong with a cuppa joe, milk and sugar, I wanna know?
I totally suck at Botticelli.
How quaint.
Ken Burns new doc on PBS is gonna be good.
nm
On country music? Pul-leaze. It’ll be 130 hours of serious-voiced wankers attempting to find something profound in songs about houn’ dawgs, cheatin’ women, 'Murica, and trucks.
Still better than his film about jazz, though.
What?! Am I to understand you’ve reviewed and passed judgement on a TV documentary that hasn’t even aired yet? What, are you clairvoyant AND a TV critic and reviewer, cause that’s 2 talents we’re sure you don’t have.
Palm Springs was 100 degrees today, practically balmy.
I don’t know where you get off talking about the weather when you could be talking about…
My arthritis isn’t so bad now that I’m off the meds.
On the bottle again, I see. Hmmm?
My new TV is smart.
Good. One of you should be.
Order! Order!
Really? That’s a setup to a joke even older than you.
I’ve got nothing to say.
That’s great, cause no one really wants to hear you say anything.
Dog people wish their dogs were a person, cat people wish they themselves were a cat.
Nice. Really nice. Ascribe a negative quality to an entire class of people, implying it’s inherent in that class. Yeah, we know where that type of thinking leads: brown shirts, or red hats.
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Neither is true. Dogs have packs, cats tolerate sometimes other creatures around them as long as they don’t bother them. You would know that if you didn’t take all your information from bad stand-up routines.
I like the clothes you’re wearing.
What’s the matter with the clothes I usually wear that you never compliment?
I’m on vacation next week. Whoopee!
Shirker. We were working our asses off last night on the line, getting over “rate” even, and you want to go gallivanting off doing nothing? Well, fall is coming, and we’ll see how you fare then!
I have new shoes.