Agreed.
And kids should be protected from scary things, I don’t agree that they are resilient anymore than adults. Well done Darth, I know it must have been a tough thing to do.
Sorry to hear all that you’re going through.
Check this shit out. I got a call last night from my sister-in-law. She said the wife unit should be getting out on bail this a.m., but they needed me for some paperwork. So, this morning, after taking my son to school, I drove over to meet my father-in-law.
At his bank.
Where it was explained to me that I would just need to sign here to borrow $5000 in a loan secured by father-in-law’s certificates of deposit.
Yes, it seems the dad unit has had the money and the means to get his daughter out of jail, but has instead chosen to let her sit there. Until I owe him 5K. 'Cause it’s my fault she’s in in there, right? He got up and walked out while I was still trying to find out what the hell was going on.
I am fucking livid. I’m angry enough to do the kind of things that get you in jail. Why won’t he just go wave a few car titles at a bail bondsman?
No, I don’t have the money.
:::boggle:::
It confuses me that you could borrow money, with someone else’s assets as the security…
but the gall of him asking you to bail her out, with money you don’t HAVE, is mind-blowing.
That’s messed up but the last thing your kid needs is two parents in jail. Just walk away and take a deep breath or two. Sorry, bud.
Also, one reason I’m so freaked is where she is.
No phone calls. Every day she’s in there is pretty much another coffin nail for the marriage, I think. And that sucks.
Why does it suck? You are not actually thinking of staying in this marriage are you?
Of course I am. I think she needs help. I don’t know if she’s up for it, but I’m not gonna bail out before I try one last time.
And our son would miss her.
Does she threaten you guys with knives on a regular basis, or was this a one-time freak thing or what? I am a little confused on the details. Obviously you don’t need to tell us anything you don’t want to, but I’m just trying to figure out whether this is an ongoing situation or it just happened out of the blue, or what. Your FIL sounds like a douche either way, btw.
Your son would miss her? You posted that he looks forward to when she leaves for work… He’ll be upset at the change in routine/household/lifestyle, but I’m not sure that’s the same as “missing” her.
Also, you can help her without staying married to her …
Darth. IANAMHP, but I’d suspect the kind of help she needs comes from being an inpatient for a while, not being in jail, or seeing a counselor once a week etc.
It’s the knife thing that scares me. That’s serious shit. Talk this over with a MHP before doing anything else.
You’re a better man than I. 
We still don’t know if she’s abusive or mentally ill. It’s hard for anyone to talk about domestic violence, so it’s understandable that the OP is leaving out lots of details.
If she’s abusive, then going to jail could prevent the abuse. Sometimes abusive spouses behave that way because they can easily get away with it. If the other spouse stands up to them by using the legal system, then the abusive spouse might back down.
Action by the abused spouse can also escalate the violence. It all depends on how stubborn the abusive spouse is. Some people take the hint and stop the violence, but others will never believe there is anything wrong with their behavior and will continue to blame the victim even further.
If jail or a temporary restraining order doesn’t work, then the best thing to do is leave the spouse.
If the OP’s wife is mentally ill, then she needs a therapist, not jail time. Jail time can be used to convince her to go get help if she’s unwilling to do so voluntarily. But jail time alone won’t help her with her problems.
All hope isn’t lost when one spouse behaves violently towards the other. But the situation becomes pretty bleak with very few viable options.
[QUOTE=Darth Nader]
And our son would miss her.
[/QUOTE]
If you split up, she would still be able to see her son.
Or physically ill in ways that are manifesting physically. She could have a brain tumor that is doing terrible things to her mind. I would urge all caution until she is thoroughly checked out, but it’s not necessarily a “shun her forever” situation.
I’m not allowed to talk about this anymore.
Sorry
Also- Thanks, Alan Smithee…
Sounds like you’ve been talking to legal council. Good deal.
And good luck. Come back and fill us in when it’s over and the dust has begun to settle.
best of luck. i can’t even imagine what you and little Nad are going thru
Our best to you in this difficult time – but since you can’t talk about it, I’m going to close this thread.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator.