She just called me.
Five minutes before pulling up to her boyfriend’s house.
I didn’t feel like being friendly. I wasn’t a jerk, but I wasn’t syrupy sweet, either.
She’s gorgeous, but in the unconventional way I like. She has a wonderful personality.
But I feel like she used me, intentionally or not, and I can’t forgive that now.
I now regret the weekend.
That is all.
I’m sorry. But I think it’s good you feel this now rather than later.
[QUOTE=Really Not All That Bright]
Feh. He’s young. Us young people are supposed to get into relationships which are bad for us.
Apart from anything else, it makes us appreciate the really good ones that much more.
[/QUOTE]
If he’s lucky, the pain will teach the lesson needed. Ah to be that young again…NOT! :smack:
But seriously, it’s powerful stuff. Mark Twain, writing about Eve:
Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.- “Adam’s Diary”
@Agent: another Mark Twain quote:
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it–and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove–lid again–and that is well; but she will also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. - Following the Equator
My advice is to learn from it, forgive her (and yourself), and heal. Don’t let this poison your future.
Argent Towers, I can’t buy you a drink in person. But there’s a cold stiff one sitting by your elbow and a big, long hug waiting for you in spirit.
[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it–and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove–lid again–and that is well; but she will also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. - Following the Equator
[/QUOTE]
That’s perfect.
[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
Ah to be that young again…NOT! :smack:
[/QUOTE]
NOT not. I’d love to go back and make the same mistakes again. 
[QUOTE=Agent Foxtrot]
I now regret the weekend.
[/QUOTE]
It’s cool, dude. It’s a lot easier to get over a regretful weekend than a regretful year or two spent waiting on a gamble.
You’ll get over it. In the meantime ((hugs)) (I’m a girl, it’s ok!! )
[QUOTE=Kythereia]
Argent Towers, I can’t buy you a drink in person. But there’s a cold stiff one sitting by your elbow and a big, long hug waiting for you in spirit.
[/QUOTE]
You should give one to Agent Foxtrot too.
[QUOTE=Agent Foxtrot]
She just called me.
Five minutes before pulling up to her boyfriend’s house.
I didn’t feel like being friendly. I wasn’t a jerk, but I wasn’t syrupy sweet, either.
She’s gorgeous, but in the unconventional way I like. She has a wonderful personality.
But I feel like she used me, intentionally or not, and I can’t forgive that now.
I now regret the weekend.
That is all.
[/QUOTE]
No details?
Is there a sense of closure now?
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
No details?
Is there a sense of closure now?
[/QUOTE]
We only spoke for five minutes. We only got a chance to talk about her first day of the new semester, and that she got a new job at the college I used to attend and work for. Then her boyfriend called so she had to get off.
No, there’s no sense of closure yet. I’m still deciding whether or not I want to see her again… she still has my graphing calculator I let her borrow and my favorite shirt that she was trying to get a stain out of.
Everything reminds me of her right now, and I suspect it still will for some time. Oddly enough, her scent is the hardest thing to get out of my mind. Well, that and the nagging thought that she was sleeping with him last night.
Sorry if I’m revealing too much.
[QUOTE=Agent Foxtrot]
We only spoke for five minutes. We only got a chance to talk about her first day of the new semester, and that she got a new job at the college I used to attend and work for. Then her boyfriend called so she had to get off.
No, there’s no sense of closure yet. I’m still deciding whether or not I want to see her again… she still has my graphing calculator I let her borrow and my favorite shirt that she was trying to get a stain out of.
Everything reminds me of her right now, and I suspect it still will for some time. Oddly enough, her scent is the hardest thing to get out of my mind. Well, that and the nagging thought that she was sleeping with him last night.
Sorry if I’m revealing too much.
[/QUOTE]
No, not at all. Don’t be sorry.
Ya know, many of us have been down this road before. Including myself. It’s the toughest thing (emotionally) you’ll ever deal with at the time.
You’ll have harder challenges in life but nothing can explode inside you like the feelings of love and the connection you can make with another person like you did with that girl. And then to have it seemingly slip away * just like that. Kills.
I have been in your shoes before but I honestly can’t put myself in your shoes right now because the feelings were so powerful and so short lived that it seems like the senses are overloaded and it’s impossible to recreate those feelings years later (in my case). We should all have to experience these emotions at some point in our lives. It should be mandatory. I think a person can learn a lot about the human experience and themselves at a time like this. Agent, this will only make you stronger, more experienced, and more aware of similar situations in the future. Plus, now you can be that guy that’s been there.
Once you’ve cooled off and really got yourself wrapped around what happened, go grab a 12 pack and head over to your best buddies house. The best therapy.
As far as the girl goes, give it some time and distance. If she cares about you she’ll do the right thing and you’ll hear from her again. Either it’ll be soon enough that you can rekindle the sparks you just shared or it’ll be a little later down the road and you will be in a better position to make the right call. She’s the one that has to make the contact, she’s the one in the pivot position. not you. Sounds like she’s ebbing and flowing right now and she may decide tonight or two weeks or two years from now that the guy she’s with ain’t the right guy. Don’t wait for her to call, but wait for the call, if you know what I mean.
[QUOTE=Agent Foxtrot]
Everything reminds me of her right now, and I suspect it still will for some time. Oddly enough, her scent is the hardest thing to get out of my mind. Well, that and the nagging thought that she was sleeping with him last night.
Sorry if I’m revealing too much.
[/QUOTE]
Underlining mine.
Come on Agent Foxtrot that’s enough - if she were seriously interested in you she would not have slept with him last night. She would have gotten her things and went home to call you, not spent the night in his bed. I apologize for being blunt, but I know how much this can hurt, many of us here do, and now so do you.
She sounds quite confused…let her figure out what she wants and you simply walk your walk.
[QUOTE=Agent Foxtrot]
…the nagging thought that she was sleeping with him last night.
[/QUOTE]
She slept with the one she complained about to another guy, only after a prolonged make-out session. IMO her complaints were the real betrayal. Nice way to have someone’s back. You dodged a bullet.
Let me rephrase to say that she spent the night at his house, and I’m sure she probably slept in his bed. Whether they had sex or not I’m not sure, but I can take a guess.
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
No, not at all. Don’t be sorry.
Ya know, many of us have been down this road before. Including myself. It’s the toughest thing (emotionally) you’ll ever deal with at the time.
You’ll have harder challenges in life but nothing can explode inside you like the feelings of love and the connection you can make with another person like you did with that girl. And then to have it seemingly slip away * just like that. Kills.
I have been in your shoes before but I honestly can’t put myself in your shoes right now because the feelings were so powerful and so short lived that it seems like the senses are overloaded and it’s impossible to recreate those feelings years later (in my case). We should all have to experience these emotions at some point in our lives. It should be mandatory. I think a person can learn a lot about the human experience and themselves at a time like this. Agent, this will only make you stronger, more experienced, and more aware of similar situations in the future. Plus, now you can be that guy that’s been there.
Once you’ve cooled off and really got yourself wrapped around what happened, go grab a 12 pack and head over to your best buddies house. The best therapy.
As far as the girl goes, give it some time and distance. If she cares about you she’ll do the right thing and you’ll hear from her again. Either it’ll be soon enough that you can rekindle the sparks you just shared or it’ll be a little later down the road and you will be in a better position to make the right call. She’s the one that has to make the contact, she’s the one in the pivot position. not you. Sounds like she’s ebbing and flowing right now and she may decide tonight or two weeks or two years from now that the guy she’s with ain’t the right guy. Don’t wait for her to call, but wait for the call, if you know what I mean.
[/QUOTE]
All I can say, Uncommon Sense, is thank you for this post. I’ve printed it out.
[QUOTE=Engineer Dude]
You should give one to Agent Foxtrot too.
[/QUOTE]
:o
quietly excuses self from thread
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
As far as the girl goes, give it some time and distance. If she cares about you she’ll do the right thing and you’ll hear from her again. Either it’ll be soon enough that you can rekindle the sparks you just shared or it’ll be a little later down the road and you will be in a better position to make the right call. She’s the one that has to make the contact, she’s the one in the pivot position. not you. Sounds like she’s ebbing and flowing right now and she may decide tonight or two weeks or two years from now that the guy she’s with ain’t the right guy. Don’t wait for her to call, but wait for the call, if you know what I mean.
[/QUOTE]
I think she’s gone. I gotta tell you, it bugs the living shit out of me that she can only talk to you for five minutes because she “has to” take a call from the guy. I don’t remember who told me this, but I’ve always found it true: when a person says one thing and does another, ALWAYS use what they do to guide your actions. I could go into why IMO that is universally true, but I won’t unless provoked.
The act of physically getting together with the bf is, likewise, very bad news. I can allow a smidge of leeway for “I couldn’t break up on the phone…it had to be face-to-face,” or “I packed up some stuff and got out,” but that’s about it. Staying = “I’ll give you a chance to talk, and we’ll see if we can reconcile.”
If she stayed the night in bed with him, sex almost certainly did happen. If so it was make-up sex and that’s doubly bad. What did they decide on “Seinfeld,” that the only hotter sex was fugitive sex?
OK, as long as we’re conjecturing about the game going into extra innings…
I think the first item of business, OP, is to get your brain in the driver’s seat instead of your heart. You trusted her, thought everything would work out, and there’s been a major bump in the road at the very least…your heart is more fallible than your head.
Supposing she does call, you need to have your game on. It would be nice if you knew, before you ever talked, what YOU want.
Maybe you don’t want her. Sample complaint: you stated that you felt she used you (intentionally or not) and if after a cooling off period you still feel that way, you may conclude that this will never work. In that case, you need to be psyching yourself up that you’re not going to lose your resolve. Maybe you don’t want to meet her in person because then her eyes (hair? ass? voice?) could work their mojo on you.
Or, you may conclude that it was a lapse on her part and decide she’s only human etc. and you can forgive it, so you’re willing to try again. But you would of course have some conditions queued up for her. One of mine would be a major apology, and I wouldn’t have to ask for it because she would be sooo aware of what she put me through that it would spring forth, naturally and profusely.
But I suspect you will feel that you need or want more information before deciding. I would want to know that the bf is really, truly, and permanently gone from her life. If you got together with her again and she contacted him, it would be tantamount to treason after all this. Staying friends? Not an option and at the mere suggestion, I’d run.
And on this question, I would play detective. I.e., I wouldn’t ask her directly at first…I’d listen to what she says, watch what she does, see what I could piece together. Then if I decided she was on the up and up, I’d ask her point blank, just for the record and if she flinched, I’d run.
Speaking of point-blank, I would ask her if she slept with him since she was with you. IMO, if she’s asking you to be part of your life, then it IS your business because she said you would be together. I would have my mind made up, before she answers, whether that’s acceptable to you or not. There’s no guarantee that she’s telling you the truth, but FWIW if I were in your shoes and she admitted sleeping with him, my ass would be gone.
And IMO you need to bullshit-proof yourself. Don’t empathize when she says, “But I knew I hurt him so much,” or whatever. And if she breaks up with him to be with you, then admits she slept with him, it wouldn’t matter: the door wouldn’t hit me on the way out. This is about what’s in it for YOU.
Finally, a quote to consider when weighing her words…
“Weak people cannot be sincere.”
~La Rochefoucauld
I’d add that some think that all relationships can be repaired, but that’s not always the case. Relationships can be broken beyond all reconciliation. Agent may find that even if she calls him days or weeks from now, that too much has passed for him to find a way to get back to where they were.
Any updates, Agent Foxtrot ? Have you talked to her anymore?
Yup, spoke to her last night.
She had told me some time ago that she asked her boyfriend for a computer for her birthday (which is today).
Oddly enough, the one I feel sorry for now is her boyfriend.
Anyway, she then went into a diatribe about how she expects nice gifts for her birthdays and the holidays. So at this point, I’ve pretty much lost most of my respect for her. It’s still confusing, though, since she is frugal and fixes everything herself instead of calling someone. I think she either gotten used to having a rich boyfriend and has been spoiled rotten, or there’s something to her past that she’s not telling me. And only God knows if she’s been bad-mouthing me to him.
I going to cut her loose. I still need to get my $150 calculator and shirt from her, though. Any suggestions?
[QUOTE=TVeblen]
You dodged a bullet.
[/QUOTE]
Seriously. :rolleyes: This is why I don’t let my self get too emotionally involved in relationships early on. I almost always get burned when I do.