I really need some advice (very serious)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I met Brad* (*name changed) when I was 15 and he was 23. I got a job at a local restaurant he managed. It took me all of maybe 10 minutes to realize that I was more mature than him but I liked him; everybody liked him. He was a simple, very nice guy that didn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. A scout leader as well as being an eagle scout himself.

We all picked on each other a lot, but we were a tight “family” and it was all in good fun and humor. Brad was one of the oldest (though there were a couple in our “gang” that were in their 30s and 40s, most were in their teens and 20s) and the only virgin, so naturally we ragged on him about that a lot. I continued working at that restaurant for the next two years and made friendships that are still strong today.

Over the years, as Brad got older and the kids working at the restaurant stayed the same age (due to the “revolving door” employment at many restaurants), he succumbed to peer pressure and started drinking and smoking pot quite often. Soon he was partying almost every night and doing heavier drugs like acid, cocaine, and ecstacy. One night while drunk and on acid and ecstacy, we went back to my house (I was the DD so completely sober) and he got into some pretty heavy petting with another guy, including toe-sucking and other sensual/sexual things. We always kind of thought Brad might be gay and this just reinforced our suspicions. On my 20th birthday I should’ve known for sure but he was still denying it and I was still blaming his behavior on the drugs (especially the ecstacy.)

I had a party that night and, as the night was winding down (meaning the sun was coming up), I went and laid down in my bed. I was pretty tanked and just sort of laid there, half asleep as the room spun. Brad came and laid down on the futon that was perpendicular to my bed and pretty soon I felt him reaching around in my bed, patting his hands. I remember laying there thinking What the hell is he looking for? Well, soon his hand found my leg and starting rubbing it and moving up higher and I was thinking What the hell is this ass doing? so I rolled over out of his reach, too drunk to do much else, and forgot about it for a few minutes. Well, I guess he scooted up further on the futon because pretty soon he was doing the same damn thing, and despite my body telling me it was going to puke if I had to stand up, I forced myself to get up and walk out of the room. I went out to the back porch where a few stragglers were still talking in the early morning light and Brad was immediately behind me. After about a minute I realized that he wasn’t going to stop gawking at me and groping me, and I was again feeling incredibly uncomfortable, so I went in the computer room. There I sat Indian-style on the chair and boom, there was Brad again, squatting next to me and massaging my foot. I think I eventually sat in the bathroom with the door locked until I was sure he was passed out, and then I slept in another room.

I didn’t talk to Brad for a couple months after that, despite still working next door to the old restaurant and seeing him almost every day. The whole ordeal was creepier in person than it probably sounds from reading about it and it really made me feel uncomfortable around him for awhile. I felt violated.

Eventually though we were on good terms again, and I got to the point where I felt fine around him and pretty much forgot it ever happened. About a year and a half ago I moved across the country and soon after he came out of the closet. I thought “good for him” and the general consensus was “good, he’ll be happier now.”

I hadn’t seen him since before he moved but every-so-often I would talk to him briefly on the internet. He told me about his 18 year old live-in boyfriend and I thought :dubious: but legal, and Brad is very immature so I guess I can’t say I was shocked. Let me take a moment to explain what I mean by “immature”. Brad slobers. He laughs, excessively, at any joke, and he still makes puff-paint shirts and shorts with his mother for the whole family to wear on their annual family vacation. My sister knew him for years before she found out that he wasn’t actually mentally challenged.

This weekend I went back home to marry two long-time friends of mine (I’m an ordained minister) and saw Brad for the first time since he came out of the closet. I also saw his boyfriend. Skinny as a twig, wearing super-tight jeans, high-heels, full make-up including lipstick, hair done, and a belly shirt. He also had mysteriously fatty breasts for such an incredibly skinny guy, which, in addition to a baby-face, virtually no body or facial hair, and an unnatturally high voice, lead most everyone to believe right away that he was on female hormones.

Well, he wouldn’t talk all night, he just kind of hung on Brad’s shoulder and stared at people. He was obviously a troubled and social maladjusted young man. After many attempts to start a conversation with him (he was one of those people that would answer any question yes or no and the avoid further elaboration or even eye contact), I tried asking him how old he was, even though I “knew” he was 18.

“Seventeen,” he replied.

“What?!! Brad told me you were 18!” I said, a little surprised.

“Oh, he tells everybody that. I just turned seventeen, and we’ve been living together since I just turned sixteen.”

I yelled “BRAD!” and he just kind of giggled. “You’re 30!”

His boyfriend had finally decided to start talking. “Oh that’s nothing, he’s done 14 year olds.”

I screamed at him.

“13, even”

I didn’t know what else to do, I hit him. Hard. Right in the temple. He’s a pretty big guy, and virtually immune to pain (that’s a whole other story) but I know he felt it. He laughed it off and they decided to leave. I told him it was good to see him but in all honesty the whole thing really bothered me.

I started freaking out and putting two and two together. "13. He was a scoutleader. 13. And that’s what he admitted to. 13. He had tried to coerce me, but I was 20. I had the confidence, maturity, and mental capacity to resist. 17. His boyfriend is 17 and on hormones. Is Brad getting them for him? Is he forcing him to take them so he can be his little girl? Just what the hell is going on here?

This was Friday night and I still can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what to do. Brad’s mental age is about 12 or 13, and it was slap-you-in-the-face obvious that he really didn’t understand what was so wrong about him fucking a 13 year old.

Part of me feels like I should somehow force him to get counseling; tell him that if he doesn’t start going to therapy and sending me his doctor’s invoices every week, I’m going to turn him in. This whole plan would have to ride on him not calling my bluff, because I have zero evidence and I doubt the police would waste time doing an investigation.

Another part of me just feels completely helpless :(.

No matter what course of action I take from here, my friendship with him is over. If I force him to get counseling he will hate me. If he doesn’t, I will hate him. If he goes to jail, I’ll never see him again. So I’m not worried at all about preserving our friendship at this point.

2

If you force him to get counselling, big deal if he hates you. He should be grateful that you aren’t trying to have him arrested.

We’re talking THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS here. Don’t forget that.

3

nt

4

That guy must have a serious Michael Jackson complex. :dubious:

5

I’m pitting the next person that mentions Michael Jackson, catholic priests, or Pete Townshend in a serious thread like this again. It’s not funny and it’s even less original.

6

You say he’s not mentally challenged, and apparently he works as a restaurant manager, but he has a mental age of 12 or 13? Is he a functional adult, or not? If he’s molesting young teens–maybe preteens, from what you say–he’s committing serious crimes and at least potentially screwing the kids up for life. And what’s the story on the boyfriend? Is he a runaway? Do his parents know what’s going on with him? (I’m not assuming that all parents are wonderful. But if there’s something wrong the parents, that would make the kid all the more vulnerable to a child molester, and create all the more reason to get the authorities involved.) I say call the cops. At a minimum, you could have child protective services check out the living arrangement with the boyfriend, and maybe that would be the start of a bigger investigation. And find a way to get him away from the Boy Scouts!

Would you hesitate to do something if you knew he was molesting 13-year-old girls? What’s the difference?

7

He is fully functional.

I asked the boyfriend if his parents knew if he was living with a 30 year old man, and if they were OK with it, and he nodded. Someone else said they got the impression that his parents had disowned him. I really have no idea what the truth is.

“Hello, cops? This guy that I was pretty good friends with a few years ago had sex with a 13 year old boy.”

“Ok, what evidence do you have?”

“Well, someone said so!”

“Where does this person live?”

“Don’t know, sir. He’s moved since I last saw him.”

“What’s his phone number?”

“Never been much of a chatter, sir.”

8

Well, I’m going to start this sort of powerfully and then I’m never going to speak of it again. Any questions or comments about it (unless urgently important to the mattter at hand) will be ignored.

When I was 12 years-old, I was nearly raped by a 28 year-old teacher. Yes, I got help. Yes, he was arrested, tried, but acquited. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

With that in mind, I think it would have been better (in my mind at least) if you shot him in the eye rather than merely punching him. Barring that, tell the police you have suspicions at least. Maybe have them investigate the boyfriend a little to see what he knows. As far as you know, Brad is still preying on children. Even if it’s unlikely, it’s possible. The police will then treat this seriously. You might also want to mention that he has a history for rejecting negative answers and proceeding anyway - in layman’s terms, we can’t even assume the little boy(s) “said yes.” It may be hard to think that your old friend could be a rapist (which I mean in the truest sense of the word), but you have more than enough to at least get the police involved.

In my personal opinion, I wouldn’t use the police as a bargaining chip. If he knows he’ll be investigated and he’s as mentally immature as you say, there’s a good chance he’ll split town to wreak havoc elsewhere. Get the cops involved immediately. He lost his chance for immediate redemption the second he acted on his fantasies. Now, granted, this may be the angry part of me talking, but I wish you’d burn him at the stake. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy. By giving it to him, by giving him the chance to escape this, you’re putting someone else at risk.

It takes, maybe, half an hour to rape a little boy. In the year and a half you’ve been gone, how many opportunities do you think he got? How many do you think he acted on?

I know I’m going to regret hitting reply and putting my own experiences out there, but there’s a large possibility that someone out there is going to end up in a worse experience than I did. For their sake, I hope you do the right thing and at least let the police investigate.

9

Okay, this guy is obviously a sicko and I don’t think it would be such a bad idea to gather the required evidence and call the cops on him, but considering that the “boyfriend” was taking female hormones and wearing female clothes, maybe you shouldn’t assume his/her gender. I mean, the seventeen-year-old might not identify as female, but it seems the chances are pretty good that s/he does, or at least, wouldn’t identify as male.

But as to the situation at hand, yes, I would call the cops. Even if you don’t think it does any good now, your report will be on file and can be used against him later on if he is caught in the act or turned in by one of his victims.

10

I call BS.

I have a feeling the OP is uncomfortable because he got hit on rather agressively by a man and creeped out by his current signifigant other (who he paranoidly speculates is being drugged and kept as a “little girl”- kind of an odd thing for a gay pedophile to want).

I also find it pretty unlikely that anybodies SO would casually blurt out actual cases of child rape to strangers. It seems far more probable that he was joking.

I don’t want to discount cases of sexual abuse, but I don’t think this is one of those situations. I think this is a paranoid fantasy by someone who isn’t as comfortable around gay people as he likes to think he is.

11

I didn’t get that at all from the OP. I think you’re way off base.

I think that Cisco needs to err on the side of caution with this one. He needs to contact the police. I think continuity eror is right—even if the police do nothing now, just having the report on record might help in the future. Don’t look the other way—that happens all too often. Predators rely on people looking the other way.

12

Incredibly, extremely offensively off base. I’m literally shocked that I just read that from a long-time doper. You have no idea how wrong you are, even sven.

13

Speaking of cops, that’s a helluva cop-out Cisco. You can’t tell me that you have no way of identifying this person for the police, or that you couldn’t if you tried. I’m not sure about the laws in your state, but in mine 17 is still below the age of consent. Therefore, you have something to report to the police that is a crime, namely that this guy has an underage live in boyfriend. Let the police handle it from there.

14

I also say call the cops. Better yet, whatever child protective services / family services are available in that area. You can just tell them what you were told, and where the guy works. They should be able to take it from there. If you feel it necessary, you can also make a report anonymously.

Its imperative that you do something. What he is doing is wrong. Even dismissing everything about the 13 year olds as hearsay (even though they admitted it), you have the boyfriend’s admission that he’s only 17, and the situation at the party you found yourself in. If you were completely passed out and unable to remove yourself from the situation, I wager it would have gone a lot further than it did.

Good luck Cisco. A situation like this one is never easy.

15

You have been told about a serious crime, one that will most likely be repeated over and over. Tell the cops and let them figure out if they can do anything about it.

16

Apart from your Slyvia Browne-esque “feeling,” even sven, what evidence do you have that the OP is lying? I think the “blurting out” from a immature person is very likely – I’ve heard people “confess” to sex with minors quite proudly; in their minds, since no force was involved, it’s not rape. I agree with you that the speculation about hormones has no real basis, but other than that, I fail to see what you could possibly be relying upon to brand the OP a liar?

17

I dont see any falsehood in the OP, and until there is I recommend taking it at face value and doing what he asked in the thread title.
Don’t think anyone can put it better than ShockingAlberto, so I just add my weight to the “get the police” involved now sentiment. There’s a very real social and moral obligation here, it won’t be easy, but I wish you the best.

18

If you are an ordained minister, aren’t you also considered a Mandated Reporter, meaning, legally you MUST report all suspected abuse, both physical and sexual? Do you have hard proof that he’s balling 13 year old kids? Nope, but it’s not your position to find the proof–just the fact that his current (underaged) flame has stated that he’s done 13 years olds, and he’s not denied it, should raise lots of red flags.

What if it were YOUR 13 year old son–how would you feel about reporting his behavior?

19

Cisco, I don’t think you have a choice but to report this to the police. You say he’s moved, do you know what city he lives in? I think you’ll want to be sure to report him to the proper jurisdiction(s) and let the police do their job. This is a serious crime requiring serious action.

20

I’ll join the cop chorus, even the slightest bit of information will set the dogs on him, that’s not one of those things that cops take VERY seriously. That said, I don’t believe in rehabilitation for these misifts. One to the melon, drop the body in the hog pen, there’s no coming back from raping a 13 year old child, least, not in my world.