A live chat log. Both parties in question have consented to having this publicly posted. Names change to protect…well, obviously not the INNOCENT:
I): you neenered at me
I): I’m calling my lawyer
C): I did!
C): LOL!
I): wait, I don’t have a lawyer.
C): I know a few law students…
I): Maybe I can just call SOMEONE my lawyer, instead.
C): LOL.
C): Hrm…all I know are some law students!
I): Then I guess I can’t sue you. Damn and blast.
C): Well, depends on how good a lawyer you think Max is…
I): Not a clue in the world, actually.
C): No wait. Think SuaSponte would be my lawyer?
I): He might. But I might try to get him to decide the case in my favor by offering him sex.
C): Well…I could offer him that too.
I): Uh…I can name that tune in 5 notes, Bob!!
C): LOL!!!
I): thot you’d like that
C): I did!
I): he was a cutie…we could offer to double-team him in exchange for dropping the whole thing.
C): Oh WAIT…I like that last idea.
I): cackle
C): I think he’d accept.
I): Thot he was happily married or summin’?
C): Sua? He be single.
C): Moving to DC soon too.
I): whoa! guess I’d better watch what I say then
C): LOL! Nah…why would you wanna do THAT?
I): actually I watch what I say anyhow…people never know whether I’m kidding or not and it’s EQUALLY bad for them to think I’m not kidding when I am, as it is when they think I AM kidding when I’m not.
C): nods
I): because I don’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings, duh
C): Awwww…you softie.
I): SHHHH!!! FOR ALL THAT’S GOOD AND HOLY, DON’T TELL ANYONE!!
C): Whatcha gonna pay me not to???
I): uhhh
I): I’ll give you first dibs on Sua
C): Ooooooo.
I): cackle
I loves me some all of the above. Magdelene, hell, I love you too. You just named three of my favorite Dopers.
To add onto the ego boost…
Ladies, he’s a fabulous kisser, he can dance his pants off, and he gives incredible back rubs. It’s a miracle some beautiful model-type hasn’t snatched him up already.
I): Hrmph. Only 5 responses to the Sua thread. And none by him. I think I’m insulted.
C): I am too!!!
C): Hrmpf.
I): So how do we retaliate? Should we pull the Glenn Close “Fatal Attraction” thing and boil his bunny?
C): Yes!
C): Does he have a bunny?
I): I dunno.
I): Suddenly “boil your bunny” sounds like a sexual euphamism.
C): You know, I was thinking the same thing…
I): “Aw baby, you just stay still…I’ll make sure your bunny gets boiled!!”
I): All right, so we’re perverts.
C): And this is NEWS?
I): It is to ME. I thought we were both pure and innocent, yea, like the child awakening on a fresh spring morning.
C): HA!
I): Are you calling me delusional?
C): HA!, I say!
C): Yes.
And…
C): I’m talking to <name> in another window…apparently Sua WAS pretty amused by the thread. No boiling bunnies, I suppose.
I): Amused? AMUSED? Hrmph. It was supposed to swell his ego, damnit. And he didn’t even reply. I’m insulted, I tell you - INSULTED!!
And (first 3 lines quoted by C)…
“L): he was tickled pink
C): LOL!
L): and was pissed he’d just missed it before leaving work :-)”
I): Oh, all right, then I guess he gets a reprieve from the Wrath of a Jilted <I-name>.
C): LOL!
C): Just for now, right?
I): Yup, just for now. He’s gonna have to make it up to me, though. ;-);-);-);-)
I): nudge nudge
C): LOL. Say no more, say no more…
I): snicker
C): Hell, he wasn’t in my top 5, so you can have him first.
I): WAHOOIE!
C): See, I thought you’d like that!
I): You just watch…I’ll show up unnanounced at a Dopefest he’s attending and he’ll spend the whole night hiding from me in the bathroom.
C): No no no.
I): yes, yes, yes.
C): I’d hold him down so he couldn’t get away!
C):
I): I AM TERRIFYING! Ask anyone.
C): You are NOT!
I): HEY, all right!
It should be assumed, of course, that I am getting these logs from a top-secret source. None of the names of the parties involved will be divulged at any time. This is the result of a several-months long plan to infiltrate other people’s IM conversations. Nothing should be assumed as nothing is implied. You mileage may vary. All rights reserved. Offer may vary from store to store. No purchase necessary.
hee hee, I have used my mystical powers to divine the secret identity of “I.”
I will now begin taking bribe offers to reveal this information (or conceal it, if “I” thinks he/she has something I want low, evil chuckle
And no, the “C” does not stand for “Chef.” As far as you know.
Oh, and I don’t really know Sua, but I loves me some Hamadryad, Falcon and Magdalene…or at least I WOULD love me some o’ them if not for the overwhelming love I have for Mrs. Chef.
Well, unless you want to have sex at work (and you may be into that, I don’t know), I’d need your address at home.
And Hama’s follow-up post was very revealing. One of the five Dopers I was with last night when I heard of this thread knows who “C” is. Deh-deh-daaa. I will find out. (Although I seem to have been passed, like a bottle of Mad Dog, onto “I”. Not that I have any problem with that.)
What, you mean it’s not enough to know that there are leagions of women panting lustfully, with you as the object of their desire? You have to know who they ARE, too?
I swear (frequently)…there’s just no pleasing some people.
Well, I’m not going to try to compete with these women, as their racks are far superior to mine.
I can’t hope to compete intellectually, since I didn’t graduate from college and I never have cites.
I don’t flirt any more, so I can’t fling out a hip and a “come-hither” grin and expect any results. Besides, the whole married thing throws everyone off (whether it has to or not).
So…here’s hoping a member of your fan club who’s not as limited as I will spring out of the woodwork and into your lap.
