I subjected myself to "7th Heaven" yesterday

I don’t work on Mondays, nor do I have class. But I did have an incredible amount of work to catch up on. I found myself procrastinating a little too much - watching TV, bouncing around the internet - and decided to punish myself. So I turned to the WB (I can’t believe I just called it “the” WB) and watched the entire episode of 7th Heaven.

Jesus jumpin’ up was that show bad. I couldn’t believe how horribly predictable and overtly preachy it was! Okay, I’ve been forced to watch “Fondled by an Angel” (my sister-in-law is a huge fan) before, but it has nothing on 7th Heaven. I kept watching the show hoping that something bad would happen to this Thomas Kinkade lovefest of a family. But alas, happy endings abound in this alternate universe of cookies and milk.

For those of you who are completely unfamiliar with the form of torture known as “7th Heaven”, let me fill you in as best I can. The show revolves around a family headed by a minister and his wife. They apparently have 7 children - I’m going to surmise that many of them are adopted (I think the youngest is African-American - the Lord works in mysterious ways, but not THAT mysteriously). During the show, the mother is continuously baking cookies and telling everyone who walks through the door how much she loves them. In fact, in this particular episode, the 11 year old girl brings a friend over to spend the night who has some self-esteem issues. It turns out that the mother is the first person to EVER tell this girl that she loves her.

The show certainly has commendable themes. I’ll give it that. But the morals being displayed are so completely overt and blatant, and the acting and timing so horribly off, I wanted Larry Flynt and his gay lover Ozzy Osborne to move in next door to rock these people’s world.

At least it disturbed me enough to turn the TV off and start studying again.

It snowed most of Sunday night and well into Monday morning. I called work and told them that I’d be late, even though I’m 97% sure I could have made it there on time. I haven’t had any vacation in at least a year and a half, so what the hell, I’ll take it easy.

I flip on the tube to see what is on morning TV. “Morning Show”, MS, Church, Infomercial, MS, Public Access of nothing but text, Kiddie Show (one of the person-in-a-gigantic-suit shows), Infomercial, KS, Rap Videos, Drek, Drek, Drek…

Hmm… “7th Heaven”… Why not?..

It was the one about the homework assignment that made you go to the store? And how the mother never brought anyone else to the store? And the older brother wrote a note implying that he was married to bait his younger brother and sister, but his father saw it instead?

Yep. Saw that one.

Sure, it’s awful. I despise “cute kid” characters and emotive pets and the like and this show had them in spades.

The only thing that I can give it credit for is rather than toss it into “Hijinks” gear when the note is found, the parents actually do something resembling real parenting.

It’s a brainless show, but I give it gets that synthetic “Little House on the Prarie” wholesomeness brownie points from me.

Connor’s Prediction:

I will be forced to watch this show at least one more time in my life. When that time comes, it will be this exact same episode, so not only will I have to watch a terrible show again, I won’t even be able to see a different episode.

And unixrat? That’s the one. I completely forgot to mention the dog, Happy (which incidentally was the name of my cousin’s dog. He was 2 when he named it).

Oh, for a minute I thought you meant the wonderful 1927 film “Seventh Heaven,” with Charlie Farrell and Janet Gaynor . . .

I have been lucky enough to avoid such spiritual teevee pap as “7th Heaven,” “Mysterious Ways” and “Touched by an Anvil.” I plan to leave my record unblemished.

My ex-father-in-law watched that drek. I was mildly interested when I noticed that the parents each played a lead in a Star Trek movie (1 and 4), but that didn’t last long.

I happen to like the show actually. So what if its unrealistic that all the problems are solved within an hour – and if it is overplayed most of the time. Its easy to watch and a generally pleasant show. And for me personally I like that there is very rarely any violence. I can see enough of that in the real world. I would be interested to know what shows (if any)that you consider worthy of your time Connor. :slight_smile:
Just thought I would play devils advocate (pun intended)

The mom on the show was in the first Child’s Play movie.

I myself have never watched this show, but feel like I have. Whenever I listen to the radio, there are commercials for “7th Heaven” every thirty minutes. Plus, the station on TV that plays “The Simpsons” twice a day also shows “7th Heaven.” More commercials? Why not? This one commercial I saw over and over was one where one of the eldest girls stole a glass from a local high school hangout because the popular kids in the school all stole stuff from the resteraunt. Naturally, the good-natured older brother returns the glass and he gets blamed for it. I found all this out by the commercial.

There’s nothing wrong with happy endings or lives that turn out well. My objection to “7th snooze”, besides being too damned saccharine, is that it’s comfy and dull and annoyingly predictable. Predictability is boring. Some movies and books and plays end happily, but if I can predict with 80% accuracy how the happy ending is going to be reached, the movie/show/play really isn’t worth watching.

sidenote: I think all the kids the parents biological offspring. The mother character recently had twins [I know that only from a commercial] so maybe she’s had a few multiple births…

Actually, not leads. If this stuff is on, just interject dialog from the movies. When the mother is lecturing someone say “They are not the Hell your whales.”
With the dad it’s “I really want this!”

Call me a sucker, but 7th Heaven is one my favorites (along with such drek as Saved By the Bell and Full House. Yes, all 7 kids are natural offspring on the show. The twins are the only multiple birth.

Didn’t the oldest daughter do drugs and become a prostitute and appear naked in Ammo and Plushies so they send her off to military school or band camp or something like that?


Worse than military school, she was sent to Buffalo NY.

Snowfall to date over 120"

I did like the one where the twins were born, because the dog trashes the house-something my cats would do. Plus Happy looks quite a bit like my dog. My sister and my mother watch the show. It’s not hideous-I’ve seen worse-but it’s not my cup of tea.

I have developed a weird addiction to this show…if it’s on, I’ll usually watch it. It used to be on about the time I got off work, I would fire up a joint and enjoy the show, then go right to sleep.

I hate Ruthie.

My daughter loves this show. I’ve never actually sat down and watched a whole episode straight through, mind you. But, it’s on every afternoon around the time I’m making supper, so I am regularly exposed to it. I also thought Ruthie was adopted – damn it, she just doesn’t look like the rest of the family, does she? Both of the parents are these blond and blue-eyed types and Ruthie has an olive complexion, dark curly hair and VERY dark brown eyes. I always told my daughter that Ruthie just HAD to be adopted – the show just hadn’t mentioned it yet. So, a few episodes before the newest babies were born, Dori called me into the TV room and made me watch a segment with the Mom looking at photos of herself while she was pregnant with Ruthie, and at Ruthie’s ultrasound pictures. “See,” said Dori, smugly, “Ruthie isn’t adopted.” So, now, whenever Dori’s watching the show, I make sure to point out to her that Ruthie was obviously switched at birth and they’re gonna be having a “very special episode” about it any day. I’d have to say, that while the show itself is stupid, I do value this daily opportunity to jerk Dori’s chain.

Running late again this morning…


[missed bunches]
Dad wants to know if someone’s boyfriend does drugs. Asks son, who gets mad for some reason.
Mom pulls Dad aside, tells him that (gasp) she has SMOKED POT. Didn’t want to tell him… blah blah blah…

[puts away breakfast - misses more]

Mom is talking to son who is shooting hoops. Tell her that she used to smoke pot but then one of the guys that she smoked it with drove while stoned and missed the ‘last stoplight’ before his place and crashed. “Went through the windshield. Died instantly.” She never did it again.

[Suppresses gagging. Leaves for work.]

Aw, gee whiz. If only all morality was this easy.

And yet, I know that I’ll watch it again. :slight_smile:

ONE show on tv with a positive message you cant even stand THAT??? Sheesh.

Bull-pucky, Whammo. TV is loaded with shows with positive messages. If the people who said that kids are influenced by TV shows were right, the world would be a perfect place by now. Nauseating, but perfect. For every lousy gunfight or stabbing or gratuitous-sex-scene on TV there are at least 3 incidences of “very special” schmaltz. IMHO.

It makes my teeth hurt.