Somedays the amount of self loathing I see on these boards is a little unsettling to me.
Yeah, I’m familiar with the feeling. But surely you can sense intuitively that it’s not healthy for your soul or spirit or psyche.
I’m here to point out that I am always surprised by people who exhibit all the outward manifestations of compassion - for others ONLY ! No amount of compassion for others can offset lack of compassion for self.
I know we are taught that to act compassionately means to give to the needy, be caring to those we cherish. And it’s easy to think, when we give old clothes to the Goodwill, money to the homeless, a cheque to the Red Cross, shed tears for the suffering of others, that we are cultivating compassion. The truth is that, if you only have compassion for others you have learned only half of the lesson of compassion.
I’ll bet you view yourself as a reasonably compassionate person. And I can confidently say you would surely exhibit compassion for me or any other stranger who came to you with these feelings. You would generate lovingkindness for them spontaneously, without effort, and see immediately that they still have great value, that tomorrow is another day and an opportunity to suck a little less. You’d encourage them to look forward and move on. And you’d tell them so with sincerity and passion I’m confident. So why is it, I ask you, that you cannot generate compassion for yourself? You’d do as much for another yet cannot find a drop of lovingkindness for yourself.
I would also bet that you have an internal dialogue going on that is kind of brutal. Language is a powerful thing, as we all know. That’s why we don’t say, “How could you be so stupid, you idiot!”, to others, but I’m sure we’ve all said it to ourselves. Did you know you have the power to change the language of your internal dialogue? Well you can, with a little effort, continually rephrase that continuous chatter into language that you would willingly vocalize to a stranger. This is a tiny act of compassion for self. This one small change of habit can have huge rewards in all of your daily life.
Never forget self loathing is also a form of self absorption, dangerous waters for a tender soul. Unrestrained self loathing has the power to take from you everything that is bright and alive and makes life worth living. It’s a pretty good exercise to think of all the other beings who must surely have experienced exactly what you are experiencing, think about them, feel compassionately towards them, you know their suffering, after all. By generating lovingkindness for them in your heart you can learn to have some for yourself.
It really isn’t all that hard to leave this behaviour behind you. If you aim to suck a little less today than you did yesterday, and likewise tomorrow, you will be generating compassion for yourself.
No one else can give you this, is has to come from you. It’s like you’re dying of thirst with a full canteen, unwilling to give yourself a drop, it’s only for others!
Good luck to you, I hope today is a better day for you.
