It’s a long, heartbreaking story, but due to obvious privacy concerns I can’t go into detail. It breaks down to this: It is entirely possible one of my 6th grade students is pregnant. One of her other teachers came to me with her suspicions and concerns that independently coincided with my own.
Obviously we need to go to administration with our concerns and observations, but I first want to talk to the girl. We have a good rapport and I want to give her the chance to tell me. I intend to talk to her privately tomorrow; I’m here asking for perspectives, experiences, and advice. Thanks…here’s hoping we’re wrong.
Approach VERY carefully. I’d like to say “call the parents first” but that might be an even worse idea. Girls who get pregnant at 12 generally don’t have happy home lives. And worst of all, whoever impregnanted her may be in the house.
Ok, so whoever impregnated her raped her by default. She’s a kid. But I wouldn’t start the conversation that way. I’d start by telling her you were concerned about her health, and ask how she’s feeling and if there’s anything she’d like to talk to you about. If she says “no” then I’d bring up the elephant in the room gently but directly. I’d say something like, “Jenny, I’m concerned because I;ve noticed a few things lately. You’ve been throwing up, acting a little differently, and you stomach is clearly bigger. I’ve also noticed you are wearing baggier shirts to try and hide it. I’m wondering if perhaps you might be pregnant.”
See what she says. She might deny it. She might start talking. If she denies it or doesn’t answer I’d continue with something like, “Jenny, I’m not mad at you and I’m not here to lecture you. I just wanted to talk with you to make sure that everything is OK, and that you are safe and that if you are pregnant you have seen a doctor. I can’t promise you that we won’t have to talk to your parents/ talk to the principal/whatever, but I can tell you that I will keep everything you say to me as private as possible and that if I have to call someone I will let you know ahead of time and we can discuss exactly what I will say before I call anyone.”
Keep an open mind. Dad could be anyone- another middle schooler, Chester the Molester, a family member, a teacher/coach, an older guy, you just don’t know. Unless you do (you might, your post doesn’t make it clear).
I’d keep it on a level of “I care about you and want to be sure you are safe and healthy” and not make any judgements or react with shock.
I have exactly zero experience in this type of thing; but I wonder if talking privately to her is a good idea without going to Administration first. Chain of command, and all that. If any action is to be taken, then it will be Administration that takes it. They’re the ones who will have to inform the family. They’re the ones who will take the heat if it turns out that the girl is pregnant, and by another student. They’re the ones who will have to deal with the police and (gods forbid) the media.
I’d suggest that you bring your suspicions to Administration ASAP, and follow their suggestions. If they say you can use your good rapport with the girl to talk to her about it, then do it. But if they tell you not to, then it would not be good if you already have.
This may be child abuse. (Well, obviously it is child abuse; but whether it is by an adult or a child is not known.) Who in the school is responsible for child abuse issues? Is it individual teachers, or the school administration?
Obviously I don’t know the “heartbreaking” story, but I wonder why you “want to give her the chance to tell” you anything?
If you suspect molestation, then you have a legal obligation to notify the authorities. They know people trained to deal with those types of situations, which you clearly are not (or else why would you post on a message board for advice?).
If the story is just a sad mixture of this girl’s personal/family/social life and you know the details, then you are still obligated to notify the authorities, since it is statutory rape.
Let trained professionals help her. Offer your support, should it become necessary. Gosh, don’t you have a counselor on staff? Can’t imagine what it would be like for this girl if you’re wrong and it turns out to be just teacher’s lounge gossip.
Hey Johnny. Good to “see” you–yeah, it’s been awhile. You echoed my mom’s words (she’s been teaching 25+ years)–go to administration first. But, to answer your “who is responsible for child abuse issues” question, it’s everyone at the school. ANYONE who works with children who has even the slightest suspicion (backed up by some sort of evidence and not sheer gut instinct, which unfortunately is usually all I have) of any sort of abuse or neglect MUST report it to social services. Teacher, principal, counselor, coach, etc–we’re all responsible to take it upon ourselves and fill out the forms.
As this is still a sort of gut thing–I’ll be studying her closely tomorrow–I have nothing to report. (This is where my degree in social work comes in handy.) I’ll talk to my principal, maybe get the district counselor over, and go from there. (As this is a junior high, we don’t have full time counselors.)
Inkleberry, I do still plan on talking to her tomorrow as well as approach the principal. I’m thinking I’ll bait the hook, saying much of what you suggested (some good tidbits there, thank you) but minus the obvious “I think you might be pregnant” route. I’ll be more vague, but open, and see how she responds. She likely won’t crack with “I think I’m pregnant,” but might crack enough to admit she needs help. Oof.
I’d agree it’s a good idea to talk to your chain of command before talking to the girl. You don’t know what she’s going to say, and it would probably be a good idea to be able to answer her concerns or questions accurately… or direct her to the right people who can give her whatever assistance she asks for.
Suppose she’s pregnant by a classmate and wants to abort… I can see there being policy dictating what steps you have to take in that situation… you might want to find out what those steps are before you walk into a minefield.
To expand, it sort of depends on what part of the year you’re born. Generally, you start kindergarten at five. If you’re five before the start of the school year, then it goes like this:
5 - Kindergarten
6 - First grade
7 - Second grade
8 - Third grade
9 -Fourth grade
10 - Fifth grade
11 - Sixth grade
12 - Seventh grade (jr. high)
13 - Eigth grade
14 - Ninth grade (high school freshman in most places. In San Diego, my jr. high included 9th grade.)
15 - Tenth grade (high school sophomore)
16 - Eleventh grade
12 - Twelfth grade
Due to varying birth dates, those ages may be shifted up a year. Since I was born in June, my ages match the grades above.
Well, everyone knows Mississippi is behind the curve! (Just kidding!)
In my post, it should read ‘17 - Twelfth grade’.
Most of my 12th grade classmates were 17, but there were also a lot of 18-year-olds. I remember being miffed that the 18-year-olds could get extra credit in my Government class if they voted in the November election.
Teacher checking in here. I would say that you need to immediately report this to your principal, and if you have one, your couselor. Let them handle the matter. You have no personal responsibility in this matter, yet. Don’t give yourself any by getting involved in what could be a nasty situation. Allow those in administrative positions to do thier jobs, and you can then concentrate on yours which is educating.
I know this might sound a little caustic, but in our society a teacher can be held personally liable for just about anything. I hate to say it, but you need to cover your ass by putting the burden on your principal.
I’m just glad to hear that you actually took the time to notice, and you obviously care. I know you must be a great teacher simply by reading that.
I enailed Mrs. Kunilou at her school. She’s been teaching for 30 years and has had her share of pregnant students. Her advice is the same as RancidYakButterTeaParty
Do not handle this yourself. FIRST, go to the guidance counselor or principal and alert them. Depending on your state there are reporting issues, confidentiality issues, parental contact issues and more issues than you can imagine.
Your administration is in a much better position to know all the issues and deal with them. Offer your assistance, but don’t do anything without their knowledge and advice.
Good to “see” you–yeah, it’s been awhile. You echoed my mom’s words (she’s been teaching 25+ years)–go to administration first. But, to answer your “who is responsible for child abuse issues” question, it’s everyone at the school. ANYONE who works with children who has even the slightest suspicion (backed up by some sort of evidence and not sheer gut instinct, which unfortunately is usually all I have) of any sort of abuse or neglect MUST report it to social services. Teacher, principal, counselor, coach, etc–we’re all responsible to take it upon ourselves and fill out the forms.
(Just kidding!)