I think I deserve an award.

The following thread has been rated PG-13 by the Straight Dope Rating Association of America.

Okay, now I know there are going to be a bunch of Nay-sayers coming in here to boo what looks like a popularity contest. /shutup, coldfire.
But I can assure you that it isn’t a popularity contest. I was just at the TMHP and I looked over who won what. And I didn’t win a single thing.
That’s okay. No big deal.
But I think I deserve an award. I can’t really present anything that shows why I deserve an award, I just think that I do.

I could fit into several categories. Even if it’s not very prestigious. I could be “poster whose name starts with ‘L’ and has an ‘x’ in it” or something like that.

I don’t care. I just think that I have garnered sufficient response to warrant an award of some sort. What’s going to be really cool is what people say about this. I can’t wait to read the responses. What’s going to really suck is if no one replies to another one of my all in fun threads, like the Legion of Doom.

Well, <shakes hand> here goes <rolls dice>


Here ya go, Lexi. What the hell did I win again? Most Patient, something else…ah heck, I don’t remember. Awards are meaningless. Love yourself…give yourself an award.
What Lexicon doesn’t know is that Chris dances with her trophies every night, and the only thing that makes all the problems in her world go away is knowing that she, ChrisCTP, Sweetheart of the SDMB, won the TMHP awards “Most Patient with Newbies” and “Ms. Congeniality”
(For seriousness’ sake, I actually did forget…I had to go to the TMHP and look it up. :))

Lexi, Lexi, ::pats shoulder::, this isn’t like you! Now get a grip or we’re gonna hafta smack ya upside the head with a trout!

Like Chris, I had to go back and look up the voting stuff. It’s ancient, pal! And obviously multiple posters were absolutely (you should forgive the phrase) totally shitfaced when they voted.

To wit: I was voted:

  • friendliest. The thing w/ the trout remains, but out of compassion to fish, it’ll be a dead trout.

  • female poster most wanted to meet. I somehow missed an entire Doper gathering, in the same hotel, in Chicago, home of the Reader. Who sought me out? A horny pharmaceutical salesman.

  • most valuable poster on MPSIMS. Probable cause: Coldfire and Democritus frequently post drunk.

In all honesty, the only one I remembered was being edged out as Tallest Female Poster by NTG, who is coincidentally a titch taller than I am.

Lexicon ::trout whistles through air::, it was for fun! For spoofs! For giggles! If it were done today, a whole different set of names would show up, most of them attached to the most ludicrous categories possible. You and mulitidinous others would be gods, stars!

Now quit playing with your food, plop the fish on the grill, wipe the scales out of your hair and I’ll go slice some lemons.


Lexicon is hereby awarded the SDMB Award for “Angriest Poster”. Enjoy.

Actually I am surprised you even care about some silly awards.

I, on the other hand, am making a serious run at Coldie’s “Most Likely to Post Drunk” status. Pass the vodka.

note from OP:

Keep that in mind. We’re supposed to have fun with this thread. Fun at my expense, hopefully. I don’t want to get flamed, but I really need a good laugh.

I figured saying something that would elicit responses such as Veb’s (funny, by the way! that was great! “wipe the scales out of your hair…” LOL!) would work better than a thread called “Make fun of me and it will be funny or something”.
But that’s basically what it is.

sigh I had more faith in my fellow MPSIMSer’s, I thought they would smartassily tear this thread apart.

Come on, don’t let me down! I know some of you are just itching to award me “Poster with the fattest, saggiest man-breasts”.

What the hell? Let’s start randomly awarding people stuff.

I’ll start!

TVeblen: Poster most likely to make GREAT pancakes

Send me a pic and we’ll talk, Lexi honey.

[Don Pardo voice on]
And let me tell what you didn’t win:

A twenty-volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a year’s supply of Rrice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat. But that’s not all! You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people! And you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come! You don’t get to come back tomorrow! You don’t even get a lousy copy of your home game!

Yoou’re a complete loser!!
[/Don Pardo voice off]

Sorry Santi BwaHaHaHa!


P.S.- Copyrighted material above is Weird Al Yankovic’s.

I got one for ya :

Lexicon - poster voted “Most Likely To Set Off Metal Detectors Because of the Large Titanium Pole Lodged Up His Ass So Far He Can Taste It”.

Feel better ?

Glad I could help.


I can sympathise Lex. It feels as if we’re outsiders… sniff

/sarcastic melodrama

But on the off chance anyone ever resurrects the voting procedure I’d like to nominate a new category: Most annoying SD housemate.

pLt is a shoe in.

Lexi, honey, no one votes for me for anything either. And I was one of your LACKEYS for chrissake… And no one emails me back when I email them ('cept for one I got this morning which made my day insert big grin) and I kill threads faster than Raid on a roach.

So. Lex, dear. I vote you to be my most voted for poster in the whole wide world, as long as you’ll vote for me for something. ANYthing. Dog catcher. Cat catcher. OUTFIELD catcher. I’ll send you ten bucks, honest…

Hey, Lexi, you want an award?

I got one for you - start dating BooBoos Little Bear. I don’t mind, I promise. Start dating her, and in about 10 or so of her posts, there’ll be all kinds of juicy tidbits about you here for people to make fun of.

There’s already a vote going on in IMHO about people who want me to change my name to Boo Boo.

In the meatime, I give you the award “The Poster Most Likely To Rape a Lowland Gorilla”

Sorry, I don’t know much about you so I just sort of made that up since I don’t know what you’re really likely to do.

Lex, I hereby proclaim you:

Most likely to be able to whip anyone’s ass.

Please use it wisely.

You get my vote for:

Poster Most Likely to Throttle An Elderly Woman in the Head For Taking Too Long at the Deli Counter


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