but then I would be all alone and I could never find another (or a real) girlfriend
I have a theory that PSXer posts stuff from movie plots of little-known movies, making himself the subject.
If that’s not true, I’m sort of disappointed.
He’s got the rough draft of scripts John Hughs put together when he was in the junior high drama club?
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It’s better to be alone than wish you were. If this girl is actually doing this stuff, you’ll sooner or later start wishing you’d never met her.
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If you stay emotionally entangled with this girl, then you definitely won’t get another girlfriend.
My username is my question.
In other words, why not?
Would that be the mental or the physical one?
PSXer, have a little self respect. You’ll thank yourself many times over later on.
girls don’t like me I am too fat and too shy to talk to anyone and incapable of having actual conversations that don’t turn into me making jokes or movie references
and girls don’t like run-on sentences
So you could find a fat and shy girlfriend who likes jokes and movies. Hey man, there is someone out there for everybody.
Exactly right. It’s easy for everyone else to tell you to dump her and move on – they’re not the ones who are going to be sitting alone every night eating cold canned chili right out of the can for the rest of their lives.
But you need to get her thinking about you in a romantic way. Why not take the first step? Since you’re shy, write her a letter, listing all the romantic thoughts you’ve had about her in detail and what you would like to do with her as boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe draw some pictures to go along with it? It’s all about showing that you’re willing to make an effort, so don’t hold back – the letter should be at least ten pages, single-space.
Just don’t spend too much time shading her upper lip. Spread the love around!
You can change all of those things. If you don’t know how, there are plenty of us here who can give you (or point you toward) some good advice. But you’ll have to do the work and take responsibility for making yourself the kind of person you want to be.
If you’ll put little curves, ((( and , around the picture people, it’ll make that body part look like it’s moving.
I am just baffled by the concept of a “physical boyfriend” vs. a “mental boyfriend.”
Don’t forget the potato down the back of your pants! This part is critical!
No duh! I assumed the OP was already doing this. And not just when he’s around her, all the time: you need the confidence that only a potato in your pants can give you when writing a romantic letter.
Oh yeah, good point. 
Front and back.
But, dude, just in case this whole thing is for real, repeat after me:
*She is not my girlfriend.
She will never be my girlfriend.
She does not want to have sex with me.
She will never want to have sex with me.
She does not want to marry me.
She will never want to marry me. *
Keep saying this until you believe it, because every word is true. And then if you still want to pursue a romantic relationship with this person, hell, go for it. Just make sure to keep us all posted on how it’s going.
Doesn’t matter – this is some high-school-level drama right here. Even people in college should be past this type of shit by now.
It makes you smell like French fries when you sweat. That’s a good thing.
Literally crying with mirth. 
I’m so glad I kept reading this thread.
PSXer - in this letter, it would be good to use multiple fonts, and ALL CAPS on occassion, to show emphasis. Different colored inks make an excellent impression, as well.