I can’t go to the gym because the only friend I had to go with graduated and moved away so I never see him anymore. I have no one else to go with and I can’t go alone.
I read a lot but girls don’t wanna talk about Lee Harvey Oswald for some reason/
I don’t go out; I am boring and have no money.
I try to look clean. Why does it matter how much I masturbate?
Really? Not even the last line? This is very surprising to me. Like you, I would have definitely expected that to impress most young ladies.
[QUOTE=Catullus 97]
I SWEAR by the gods I didn’t think it mattered one straw
whether I sniffed Aemilius’s head or his anus:
neither was better or worse than the other;
or rather his anus was the better and smarter of the two,
for it has no teeth. His mouth has teeth half a yard long,
gums, moreover, like an old cart-frame,
with the kind of gape you’d find in summer
on a mule’s vagina as she urinates.
He has sex with many a woman and makes himself out a charmer,
and yet he is not passed over to the grinding-mill and its ass.
If any woman touches him, don’t we think that she is capable
of licking the anus of a sick hangman?
[/QUOTE]
You’re obviously doing your best to impress her in good faith, I’m starting to think she has some sort of mental disorder. To overcome this, you may need to replace the potato with half a head of cauliflower.
It is actually. I was also using it to type which is why I mashed a couple keys.
Do not go to a gym! That is the last thing you should be doing.
Dewey Finn is right about varying your masturbation, though. When you write a romantic letter to a lady, if all the stories of the times you masturbated to them sound the same, they’re going to get bored and stop reading. You need to spice it up to catch their interest. Do it standing up, or while doing a somersault. Maybe wear your mom’s clothes sometimes. That sort of stuff.
You need a transfer. And maybe a Metro Card.
That’s a heck of a penius. 
it doesn’t matter. what does matter, however, is that you stop wasting everyone’s time with your bullshit.
This thread is the best waste of time I’ve had in weeks.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaHAHAHAAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha…ha…ha.hah.ahahahaHAHAHAHAH!!!
Don’t get out much?
Joe
You need to upgrade to Catullus XP cos 97 has a lot of bugs in it.
Yeah. Stay away from dead Kennedys. Nobody wants to hear about them here either.
You should go out. You can’t post on the SDMB from there.
You should work more; can you imagine how much fun it would be to be boring With money? You could get a Special on Showtime. There’s an idea. Then you could Tweet about it desperately.
I’m mental boyfriend to the stars!
…and for the next 8 days, for just $50 from your PayPal account, I can name a Star after you!!! That one, to the left. Behind the branch.
I used to call it Blinky. Now it will be… Larry…
Whoa, I think it liked that. Did you see it wink?
It’s also better for playing Minesweeper on your laptop:
“Hestero, Licini, die otiose / multum lusimus in meis tabellis."*
*“Yesterday, Licinius, was a day of leisure/ playing many games in my little notebooks”
Penius Maximus is legedary.
Its Penultimate…!
Any relation to Biggus Dickus?
That’s what she said!
I think it’s actually Peniultimate!