Yeah, I know. And there are a ton of upsides in terms of timing. We can get ourselves a nicer/larger apartment to raise a child in without breaking our current lease (or maybe a house, in this economy who knows) we can take the late honeymoon we had planned for this summer our job stability will be much more certain by April…there is lots of good. Still, it is disapointing, and she is concerned about her own health now since she isn’t sure why she has been so rundown and nauseous if she wasn’t pregnant.
I’m so sorry, and I empathize. The hubby and I had a couple of truly lovely days last month when I took a test and it came out positive. I had symptoms, I was thinking of cribs and worrying about money. Three days later I was bleeding and no matter how anyone told me that I should think of it as a delayed period, that however many pregnancies end up in miscarriages, I still felt it like a physical blow, and I blamed myself for not being able to “do it right” when so many folks get knocked up fairly easy. I stayed at work and reassured myself I was handling it until one day I lost it and couldn’t stop crying. Then I took a couple of days off.
All I can say is be kind to your wife. If she was, the hormones stay with you a while, and there’s nothing stranger than feeling pregnant when you know it’s no longer the case. No matter what it technically was, it’s an emotional loss and my husband’s solicitude and understanding of my crazy ass was worth its weight in gold and convinced me more than anything that when we do conceive, it’ll be perfect.
Rundown and nauseous could be as simple as a mild case of the flu. Especially at this time of year. Keep trying and have fun. You’ll get there.
Not to be negative (but I’m going to be!) but please prepare yourself that it might take some time. If you are getting this disappointed so soon, it will be really hard on you if it takes a while.
My experience - we have been trying for 32 cycles. Still no 2 lines. Not even a hint. About to move on to IVF. I can’t begin to describe the emotions of going through what you have been talking about month after month after month…
Please try and keep things lighthearted at this stage, because if you are getting this stressed out now, it will be much harder later if there are issues. I can’t tell you the amount of times over the last three years that I have thought I *might *be pregnant, only to have my period arrive bang on time. Once you are thinking about your cycle, you are much more aware of how all the symtoms of your period *could *be those of an early pregnancy.
I totally admit this response is coloured by my perspective, so apologies!
I feel so sorry for you. Believe me, I know how it feels. I’ve been through it with my wife.
Ed
I know. But this is the first time for us (that we have thought that she might be) and so we overinvested, I think, even though we both knew we shouldn’t. We had lunch together today and talked about it and I think we are both alright. At least now we know, and knowing *is *good. And really there are a thousand reasons why 2-3 months from now would make things signifigantly better. So we are disapointed, but not in too bad a shape, and next time will be a little more cautious about getting emotionally attached to the idea of pregnancy before we have proof.
She probably doesn’t need to worry too much about the symptoms meaning she’s unwell. When they are trying to get pregnant, a lot of people get the symptoms even when they aren’t pregnant. It’s like scratching your head when people mention lice.
Eight days after conception is pretty early to be having symptoms (though not impossible). If you go through this again and she’s feeling strong symptoms so early, work on getting her to relax. At that point it’s far less likely to be a sign that she’s pregnant than a sign that she’s stressing too much. Implantation (when the embryo attaches) occurs 6 - 10 days after fertilization and until then, your body doesn’t react like it is pregnant because it isn’t (it just has a fertilized egg floating around in it). Then it takes time for the hormones to build up, and they are usually what causes the nausea.
They make me sick to my stomach - worse when I was pregnant (when not pregnant I throw up prenatal vitamins - when preggers I threw them up violently). Ended up just eating better since vitamins that don’t stay down don’t do much good.
BTW, I spent three years trying to get pregnant before adopting. There were many months where I KNEW I was pregnant - and I never was.
When I did get pregnant it was a complete surprise and I missed most of the first trimester.
I hope you have better luck than we did.
It’s more than likely just the progesterone - this hormone is produced between ovulation and your period, but is replaced by hCG once an egg implants - it produces irritatingly similar symptoms, which if you are looking out for symptoms can be very misleading and can get your hopes up. I would suspect that given you never got a positive test and she’s got her period, it wasn’t a chemical pregnancy (what they term one which appears only briefly on a test before disappearing), and she was never pregnant.
I’m sorry that this cycle has been disappointing, but it may help her if she tries not to feel like she’s ‘lost the baby’ - it just wasn’t your cycle. More than likely it will happen for you soon enough - and there are options for you if this isn’t the case. I know the disappointment - we’ve just started our first cycle of IVF which is great, but it does come after more than a year of monthly disappointments. Make sure you talk to each other, because you are a team in this - although she will feel each ‘loss’ more keenly - she probably spends the whole 2WW (2 week wait) analysing every symptom!
I’d recommend trying to temp her cycles for a couple of months - this can help you confirm that she’s ovulating, and that you’re timing intercourse correctly. Oh, and avoid lube (kills sperm), and get both of you onto multi-vitamins (with folic acid) as others have recommended.
And have fun! The trying can get a little ‘unspontanious’ at times, so be inventive.