How so? I support the OP but I don’t see her as an assault victim who should try to get this guy fired even if it requires calling the cops and claiming “victim of short-haired ex-marine (which we all realize is a perfectly reasonable defense).”
The guy was an asshole.
What do you do?
“Oh, I’m a women, so you’re screwed. I feel assaulted. I’m calling HR and if they don’t fire you I’m calling the cops.”
If you’re a guy, it’s “dude, go fuck yourself. Get the boss, let’s hash this out, dickwad.”
She was assaulted. Did you not read her later post where she said she felt that had her boss not come in to pry him away from her, he’d very well might have started beating her?! What, do you want to see security footage of the assault before you believe there was any danger at all beyond spit getting in her eye? This isn’t a case of “He said naughty words and talked mean to me, waaaa!” this is a case of enough blind raging that it topped any fear the OP had ever felt in her life prior to this. That’s beyond asshattery. It’s all well and good that you, your girlfriend and all your friends are so very fearless. Maybe we’ll end up reading about you in the Darwin awards though, since fear is an evolutionary feature that makes our self preservation instincts kick in.
She’s not looking for him to be fired right away. She’s waiting to see what her bosses do about this. All she wants is for her assailant to get a clue, and come to understand that what he did is completely unacceptable, and will not happen ever again. If she doesn’t feel her bosses handled it well, then she’s going to HR. If she feels that both her bosses and HR cannot get it through to him, then she may press for him to be fired. (Or go find another job, she mentioned that too.) She herself said she’s not going for a restraining order. I hope that the jerk doesn’t step things up to the point where the OP feels it is needful. Good luck, LVgeogeek, here’s hoping your boss wields a mighty clue-by-four, and that he can get through to the guy. I might press for him to get more than a few sessions of anger management therapy. I think it’d be good for anyone rageboy interacts with.
I wasn’t there, so I can’t say whether it meets the requirements for being assault, although if it quacks like a duck, etc.
It was a seriously fucked up situation, and you see on the news nearly daily where this sort of thing ends up with somebody dead. I think it’s better to err on the side of caution, in case this guy escalates it to actual violence. I don’t think you should call the cops yet, necessarily, but notifying the chain of command/HR is the correct thing to do in this situation.
Slamming the door. Shouting and cursing. Cornering and pointing. If the OP is accurate in her description, that sounds pretty threatening to me. Combined with the fact that one does not normally shout and curse at someone for no reason, it is reasonable to assume that she would be correct in feeling threatened. This is even before considering the person is trained to be one of the best soldiers on the planet.
Adding further food for thought. What brought such a rage on, was the OP standing up for herself and telling rageboy she would not tolerate him cursing her out. It is not okay to then close the door, back them into a corner, then scream, curse, poke a finger in their face and generally rage to the point that the other person seriously fear for their well being! That guy needs to learn to control his temper. It is his responsibility to behave himself, no one else’s. Someone who makes others fear for their safety via rageful threat displays over being called on disrespectful behavior, isn’t my idea of an ideal citizen. Especially when they were obviously spoiling for a fight, and chose a smaller person to pick it with. That is definite bullying tactics, and should be stopped now!
Thinking about it, it seems to me that he not only was hoping you’d take his bait, but that his larger goal is to run you off, or bring you to heel. He’s in “make them submit, and if they don’t submit, destroy them” mode. Are you the only female in a “male” job there? It wouldn’t surprise me a bit to find out if there are any others, that he is working to get them “under his thumb” too.
Companies don’t want to wait for the assault to happen - if the guy flew off the handle in such a way that makes any sort of physical assault a “suspected possiblility” then its in their best interest to get rid of this guy now. They don’t want the liability.
She/they may not have a legal case for assault currently…but that irrelevant to firing him. He acted inappropriately in the workplace - and if LVgeogeek had been male, he would have STILL acted inappropriately in the workplace.
Now, last time someone acted terribly inappropriate in the workplace in my direction (someone ranting about a promotion I’d gotten in a meeting where I needed to work with the people there (and ranting in a meeting I wasn’t in that the boss of my new boss was in) - he’d been up for the same job and didn’t get it - no, he doens’t work for me so I can’t fire him), I chose to let it go. He didn’t work for me, pushing it would have made me look like a bitch, forgiving him made me look gracious and like a team player. But its been two years, I still have to work with this guy and I can’t trust him to get anything done or support me in anything - if he can torpedo me, I suspect he will.
The assault happened. The man approached her in a way that caused her to fear for her safety, in a way that most reasonable people would tend agree to. The “physical assault” or battery did not occur because she did not receive physical contact leading to injury.
Whether what he said after she tuned him out would mitigate the circumstances (like him offering to discuss the situation over tea and crumpets) is a different situation that we can not currently speculate on.
I think I see where levdrakon is coming from. Clearly what the OP has done so far is correct, and the guy was seriously off his rocker. But a few people in the thread are definitely playing it up for HR value, as demonstrated by the tactic of trying to find the most sensational word available (“kidnapping”), and playing up the fact that the OP is a woman, to try to maximize the emotional value of whart happened. (The OP, perhaps unintentionally, also slipped into HR-speak in the title: “verbally assaulted”).
What the OP did is perfectly justified. What a few in the thread are implicitly suggesting: using sleazy doublespeak to get the guy fired if the Powers that Be don’t come down on the OP’s side, is not.
Huh? I’m a guy, and a pretty damned big one too. If someone in my office corners me and screams in my face that I’m a “WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT” you’d better believe that I’m going to report it to my boss and to HR. I am not going to ask him to step outside or some other macho bullshit. I got all my fisticuffs out of my system years ago.
A workplace is a professional environment where disagreements are settled through civilized discourse, NOT intimidation.
Junior PM on the job only six months, an ex-marine AND you had to train him when he hired in? He definitely has a problem with you. Because you have been at the job for much longer than him and even had to train him, he sees you as a threat to his authority so he started from the get go to ride you hard. It unfortunately precipitated to this situation which nobody should have to go through.
It has happened to me on a much smaller scale when I worked in retail. We would get new assistant managers every 8 months or so. Me being a sales associate with much more experience than them, I was asked to train them. Some were great to work with… a few were jerks with attitudes and egos so big that there were some days I wasn’t doing anything right in their eyes, though I knew I was. I was in good with the manager. She knew I knew my job inside and out and was always there to back me up. The jerk assitant managers never lasted and either quit or got fired.
Your problem PM will be dealt with by your company. You are doing everything right too. Hang in there!
Plus you’d both get canned if a fight broke out.
And at least you don’t have to leave your job to have a beer and cool down. 
I am a guy, and if some asshole screamed that I was a “worthless piece of shit” at work, not once but twice, all up in my face, you can bet I’d escalate it through the proper channels too.
Yeah, some of the stuff here is a bit OTT - kidnapping, restraining orders, judging someone because of their military service, etc., but that doesn’t change the fact that there is no way on earth that sort of behaviour is acceptable in an office. Ever. And the guy’s behaviour would also worry me regarding how it might escalate.
By using the proper channels, the complainant protects themselves from counter-accusations.
(That said, a female boss once threw a pen in my face and I didn’t escalate it, mainly because she was screwing the CEO. She later bought me a cake, which was her way of apologising. She was batshit insane though.)
Yeah, but we really don’t want to get into a debate here about the proscutability of assault under these circumstances…trust me on this, that hijack never goes well around here.
Not to mention the fact that slamming a door and getting loud enough that people outside the room can hear is unacceptable workplace behavior in and of itself. The co-worker should be disciplined in some kind of way even if LVgeo were left out of it entirely.
Nah I wouldn’t go so far as to talk about prosecutability, but he did commit a “crime” which is absolutely unacceptable in a civilized workplace. It is NOT a case of someone being a “pussy.” It is a legally definable offense which she could easily choose to follow up on. Meaning the company has definite grounds for termination. Though I would hope they could resolve the issue in a less drastic manner. Hell maybe it was a REALLY bad day. It would be terrible for some guy to get fired because his pop tart got burnt, but it in no way excuses this type of behavior.
I agree. Assault means many different things in many jusidictions. To me the use of the word assault in this case is cringeworthy. In fact I wince anytime I hear the term “verbally assaulted”. Lucky for me this wouldn’t fall under the category of assault around here. I would categorize this as harassment. If a threat was made it would be a terroristic threat. Not assault. (just adding that I know this can be seen as an assault in some jurisdictions, I just don’t agree with it and it wouldn’t be one in my jurisdiction) It would be an option for her to go to the police but she has to realize it would mostly be up to her to follow through with it. They are not going to come and arrest the guy for something like this. If she came in and I had to handle it I would take a report and point her in the direction of the court clerk where she could file a complaint. She would then have to appear in court and make her case in front of a judge. The police generally don’t get involved in citizen complaints of disorderly person offenses (misdemenors) unless they witness it or it is domestic violence. As for a restraining order around here the courts only give them to people who cohabitate or are in a dating relationship. It is for domestic violence only. I’m sure there are 50 different rules on it across the country. If you don’t have direct knowledge of the system in Nevada then I wouldn’t automatically give the OP the advice to get a restraining order. There is a good chance she would not be eliglble. YMMV things might be completely different in Nevada and the asshole might be legally due an immediate tarring and feathering under their law.
Having said all that I’d have to say there is no excuse for this behavior outside of the military. There you need to make sure that your orders will be followed without question when the bullets are flying. Even in the military yelling like a maniac is not the optimal leadership style although it may be necessary on occasion (and I have used it to great effect but not often). In the business world there is no excuse. Before I became a cop (and after the army) I worked as a cubicle dweller. I could not imagine anyone acting this way in an office setting. The gentleman needs to find employment elsewhere. If I were you I would keep pushing this till you get a satisfying conclusion. If they somehow decide to keep him on I hope at least that some concrete steps are taken to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I do not understand why this wouldn’t be grounds for immediate termination.
Here’s the thing, though - if he does lose his job over this, then she really has to start worrying. Imagine his anger then. I’d be parking my car where he couldn’t slash the tires - carrying mace in my purse, etc. - wondering if he was going to seek revenge outside the workplace.
It is without question false imprisonment, and, as I said, there is an argument that it could be kidnapping. Unless it is your contention that she stayed in the room with him willingly. Is that your belief?
http://www.nolo.com/definition.cfm/Term/11865EE4-8734-4565-863B06B64AE7E727/alpha/F/
All the states I know of make a distiction between improper restraint and kidnapping. It’s a question of degree, intent and other factors. The exact wording would be different from state to state. Kidnapping of course would be the more serious crime. Improper restraint would be a big stretch here.
From the link.
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Are you suggesting that she was in the room willingly? That she was able to leave while he had her pinned in a corner and was behaving in a threatening manner?