. . .and the woman across the aisle laughs like Phyllis Diller. And she laughs a lot.
. . .and the guy two cubes down eats apples pretty loudly. And he eats a lot of apples.
I work in a dungeon . The guys that work in the rear of the dungeon cackle like chickens ALL DAY LONG 
I wonder how large they make shock collars.
Well, I’ve got a guy who sings one line of a country song every five minutes. Sometimes the SAME line, ten times in a row. And it’s loud, more than screaming than singing. I wish someone would say something, just not me.
I’ll trade with the whole lot of ya. My neighbor farts. At least all that comes across the wall is the sound. The prevailing wind off the HVAC apparently blows any smel in the other direction. The guy across the aisle from him has some sort of chronic sinus condition, so all day long, it’s snork-snork-snork-snork. Snuccck. Snork-snork-snuck.
Two cubes across the aisle in another direction is the bridge line maven, constantly jabbering on about whatever and asking “Hi, who just joined?”
When my co-worker behind me clears his throat, it sounds exactly like when my boss does it. Then I have to re-open the SDMB again… 
My neighbor talks. Constantly. Sometimes I’ll come back from a meeting and it’ll appear that she’s gone. But she’ll abruptly pop up from digging in her files like some deranged prairie dog and ask me how my meeting went. It always scares the crap out of me.
A boss that slobers food all over literally, and sucks spittal back and forth between his teeth. He’s so frick’n gross! Clients talk about how gross he is when with them.
I’ve got my own office, way at the end of the hall in the least-used part of the building. It’s very quiet, and I get at most three people walking past my door a week. I’m near the back door, so if I want to duck out of the office, I only have to walk past one other person. I’ve also got a good view of the mountains from my window.
It, uh, does get a bit warm in here in the afternoon. That’s all I got.
[SUB]Well, my seat’s a little uncomfortable, too…[/SUB]
Lucky. 
The woman in the cube across from me is like 4’8" and has the loudest, squeekiest, most obnoxious voice you can imagine. She is always on the phone.
On the plus side, the woman next to me is really cool and we exchange snarky emails about it.
The woman accross the aisle from me is a cutie, hates her husband (they’ve been married almost a year now), and loves to party. She’s a shameless flirt. With me anyway. Something about her just screams, “STAY AWAY, INIGO!”
The woman on the other side of the panel from me is a cutie. Divorced for 7 years. Digs me. Frequently grins and says, “too bad you’re married” and means it. She knows I hate my wife.
I need a new job.
My boss is a tiny little man. But his sneezes are loud enough to scare my phone callers. “What’s that barking? Do you have a dog in there?”
And he has allergies and sneezed 17 times today alone.
the woman in the cube across from me has some condition that requires her to clear her throat about 17,000 times a day. And she vehemently does NOT believe in evolution.
Other than that, she’s a nice person.
I feel bad because, even when I take Claritin, I usually sneeze 2-3 times every morning. And I do not have a lady-like sneeze. Fortunately, I’m pretty quiet the rest of the time.
Well, okay–I’m sure the two week bout with Bronchitis wasn’t fun for anyone involved, either. I held it in as best I could.
One of the ladies a couple cubes down has some kindof respiratory ailment - bronchitis probably - but she coughs like she’s about to expel a lung. COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH. Good thing she’s only part-time. If anyone else on our side starts coughing someone else will say “you sound like so and so!” (but only if it’s so and so’s day off).
My cube is also the first one people see when they enter this side of the building. My doorway is directly opposite the hallway. Which means that lost people tend to come ask me for directions a lot. I need bigger rear-view mirrors… my boss is sneakily quiet.