Sister Maria confesses she gave Father a handjob and is asked to wash her hands. Sister Juana cuts in line in front of Theresa and says…
Four nuns died in a car crash and went to Heaven. St. Peter asked the first nun, before she is allowed in, if she’d ever sinned. She replied that she once saw a man’s penis. He told her to splash some holy water from that there basin in her eyes, then she could go into heaven.
Same question to the second nun. She said that she once touched a man’s penis. She was instructed to wash her hands in the holy water.
He then turned to the third nun, who was fighting with the fourth.
“There’s no way I’m gargling with that stuff after Sister Theresa sits in it!”
Really, I thought this was SDMB Standard Joke #48, right after “No I didn’t! I just had ice cream!”
Fine then, tell me #47
It’s not a nun joke, but a penguin joke. Close enough.
A penguin pulls his car into a garage, and tells the mechanic that the engine is acting funny. The mechanic tells the penguin that it will probably be a few hours, so he might want to do some shopping or see a movie.
The penguin does this, and ends up getting some vanilla ice cream. When he gets back to the garage, he still has some ice cream on his beak.
The mechanic says “Looks like you blew a seal.”
“No I didn’t! I just had ice cream!”
Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly
gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of
lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer
a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
St. Paul: “What were the names of the two people in the
garden of Eden?”
1st nun : “Adam and Eve”
The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly
gates.
St. Paul: “What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?”
2nd nun : “An apple”
The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly
gates.
And finally it came the turn of the last nun.
St. Paul : “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?”
After a few minutes thinking she says:
“Gosh, that’s a hard one!”
The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly
gates!
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, “Guess what guys, I’ve won a trip to see the Pope!”
Everyone gets all excited and chants, “We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him.”
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, “Go ahead, Dopey, ask him,ask him!”
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, “Do you have a question to ask me, young man?”
Dopey looks up shyly and says, “Well, yes.” The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.
Dopey asks, “Well, do…do they have nuns in Alaska?”
The Pope replies,“Well, yes, I’m sure we have nuns in Alaska.” The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, “Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!”
The Pope asks Dopey if there’s more to his question, and Dopey continues, “Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?”
To which the Pope replies, “Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes.”
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, “Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!”
The Pope asks Dopey, “Is there still more to your question?”
To which Dopey replies, “Well, uh, yeah… are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?”
The startled Pope replies, “Well, no, my son, I really don’t think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska.”
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, “Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!”
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One has a soul full of hope.
The other…
JOKE 1
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of a parochial school in a very advanced state of agitation. “Father!” she cried, “just wait until you hear this!”
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, “Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?”
“Well, Father” the nun began, “I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!”
“A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest.
“But that’s not what has me so shocked, Father,” replied the nun, “it was what they were wagering on! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!”
“What an incredible wager!” exclaimed the priest, “What did you do?”
“Well, I hit the ceiling, father.”
To which the priest replied, “How much did you win?”
JOKE 2
In the convent a young nun went to see the mother superior.
“Mother, I want to quit the veil.”
“But why, my child?”
“To become a prostitute.”
“What? What are you saying?”
“I said I want to become a prostitute, mother.”
“Oh, you had me worried. I thought you said protestant!”
JOKE 3
Two nuns are driving home from a long hard day of nun’s work. They left the home of a dying woman late that night and entered a long stretch of supposedly haunted road just as it starts to rain. As they drove though this dark, dark rainstorm with lightning flashing all around, and their car sliding all over the road, the Devil himself appears on the bonnet of the car.
“Oh my,” says the first nun, “it’s Satan, the Dark Lord.” The other nun who is driving says “Lean out the window and show him your cross.” So nun one leans out the window and yells “ Hey, asshole, get off the bonnet!”
What’s the difference between a nun and a lady taking a bubble bath?
Well, a nun has hope in her soul…
Funny! I’ve never heard that one before! 
and the other woman had already read post 27.
By the way, could someone explain the joke in the OP? I feel like I should get it, but I don’t.
I’ll throw in this one:
Two nuns are in the bath together. One says to the other “Where’s the soap?” The second nun responds “It sure does.”
A nun’s habit looks like Batman’s cowl.
Not to ruin the joke, but there aren’t any penguins in Alaska either…
Oh, sure there are. I bet there’s at least one zoo there.
I got your formatting and also recognized that tdn’s post was just punchlines, hence my post.
Anyway, I’ll add to the thread:
A beautiful young woman goes to confession and says, “forgive me father, for I have sinned.”
“OK, my child, confess your sins,” he says. “I can’t, it’s too horrible to speak of!” Taking a shot in the dark, the father asks, “is it of a…sexual nature?” She nods yes, “I did something to a boy.” The priest then looks and sees this striking young woman and, being not the most holy man of the cloth, has an idea. "How about you come to my side. Since you can’t speak of these things, I’ll do something and you say yes or no. She, trusting in the father and fearing that she’ll go to hell, agrees.
“OK my child, did you do this?” He kisses her neck softly.
“No, much worse.”
“What about this,” he takes her shirt off and starts feeling her up.
“No, worse.”
"Getting excited, the father says continues. “What about this,” as he takes her pants off and explores.
“No, my sin was worse!”
“How about THIS”. He starts to have sex with the young woman. “Is THIS the sin you committed and wish to ask for forgiveness for?”
“No, it’s WORSE!?!”
The priest, satisfied and baffled at what sin she committed finally broke down. “My child, you MUST tell me what you did in order to be forgiven! What could possibly be worse?”
“Fine,” she says…
I gave him herpes.
Hilarious, but I thought of an additional punchline:
[spoiler]To which his equally drunk friend says,
“You idiot! That’s not Batman. You just beat the crap out of the Penguin.”[/spoiler]
I don’t get it.
Homophones.
It “wears” the soap when the second nun is using it to masturbate with.
When a nun vomits during her martial arts class, it’s called…
Nun(up)chuks.
Yeah, still doesn’t make any sense.