One has a soul full of hope the other has a hole full of soap.
Yeah, and this punchline still doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense.
That’s because it’s the punch line to the joke in post #27.
The other one has two nuns in the bathtub. One asks, “Where’s the soap?” The other responds, “It does, doesn’t it.” You see, she misunderstood and thought the first nun was saying, “Wears the soap.” (Masturbating with the bar of soap wears it down.) Why the second nun is A: so stupid she thinks a question is a declarative and B: masturbating with soap is unknown.
One nun is masturbating with a bar of soap, which is wearing the soap down. And presumably is not all that pleasant, anyway.
The disconnect being that the “hole full of soap” image for me was just soapy water, not a whole damn bar of the stuff. Therefore the “wears” could have just as nonsensically been “wear” as in clothe.
Am I the only one worried that the internet’s finest are requiring so many explanations to the jokes in this thread?
A priest, a child molester and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that was just the first guy.
How do you stop a priest from having sex with an altar boy? Dress the altar boy like a nun.
Winner!
Now somebody call an ambulance – I think my heart just infarcted!
Well, those were two different jokes when they were posted. They seem to have merged in quintessential Dadaist fashion.
Why did the nun fall out of the tree?
She was dead
Maria give father a HJ, goes to wash her hands, Juana cuts in front of Theresa (who? is this supposed to be Maria?) and says ooh, hand soap?
Why would she want to wash first and why would she get excited to see what she thinks is soap?
color me purple, and then confused. and polka dots.
that was for the garglling/sitting punchline.
Two guys were sitting behind a nun at a baseball game. As they got drunker and drunker, they decided they were going to start messing with her.
“Hey,” said the first guy, intentionally louder than he needed to be, “I was in Ireland lately on vacation. Great country, beautiful landscape, lots of beer and whiskey, but those freakin’ annoying nuns were everywhere! I can’t stand nuns.”
“I hear ya,” replied the second. “I just got back from a trip to Italy, and I wanted to look at all the old buildings and enjoy that Italian food and wine but the nuns! All over the place, ruining everything!”
They go on and on like this until the nun becomes so aggravated she turns around and yells, “Why don’t you both go to hell, you won’t find any nuns there!”
Not to ruin the joke any further, but in the Disney movie, IIRC, Dopey is mute. He was never heard to speak. Of course that doesn’t mean he couldn’t. Like Silent Bob, Dopey may only speak if he has something really important to say.
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his
arm and says, Darling, this is the pig I have sex with
when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies, “I think you’ll
find that that’s a sheep, you idiot”.
The man says, “I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to
you.”
All right, but why was the nun in the tree in the first place?
Sister Mary stops Paddy as he’s walking into the pub. “Look at you, Paddy, the shame of it! Here it is the middle of the day and off you go into the pub for drink! That drink will be the ruination of your health and the damnation of your soul!”
Paddy smiles sheepishly and says “See here, Sister mary, how can you say that the drink will be the ruination of me when you’ve never touched a drop yourself? That’s hardly fair, now is it?”
The good Sister considers this a moment and responds “Paddy, you’ve a point there. Very well. For the sake of your soul, I’ll do it just this once, but I’ll not set a foot inside the door. You shall bring me a coffee cup full of whiskey and I shall drink it here.”
So Paddy goes inside and greets the bartender. “Good day, good day, sir! I’ll have one pint of Guinness and one coffee cup full of whiskey!”
And the bartender says “Good God, that damn nun’s not outside again, is she?”
Two nuns were copying old biblical texts and were looking at versions from centuries ago. After looking at transcriptions from the 8th century, the first nun said to the other, “They forgot the R! They forgot the R!”
The first nun wiped the dust off the older scripture and saw that the earlier one said, “Be faithful to the Scripture and celibrate.”
A teen-aged boy goes into the confessional and admits to having sex with a girl from the same church. The priest is shocked and demands to know who the girl was, but the boy refuses to tell.
“Was it Mary O’Connor?”
“No father.”
“Was it Lisa Peters?”
“No father.”
“Was it Jessica Rourke?”
“No father.”
Finally, the priest relents, and gives the boy his penance.
“How did you do?” asked the boy’s friend.
“Not too bad, I got ten Hail Marys, and three good leads!”
The priest gets tired of hearing confessions, so he calls over an altar boy to substitute. The boy protests that he doesn’t know what to do and the priest tells him it’s really easy. Just give ten Our Fathers for lying, and 20 Hail Marys for stealing. He then goes off for a quick nip. However, the first confession the boy hears is from a woman who confesses to anal sex. Panicked the boy slips out of the confessional, and spots another altar boy.
“Quick, what does the father give for anal sex?”, he asks.
“Oh, usually a candy bar or a cookie, but you can negotiate,” replies the other boy.