If I caught someone in the act of keying my car I'd________!

You walk out of the store into a large parking lot, looking for your car in row B-6 and upon approach you see a young teenage boy or girl scraping your car with their key from fender to fender. Gouging a deep fissure into the metal of your car.

What do you do?

Me: I’d quickly duck down and sneak up on them…then as they finish denaturing my vehicle, I pounce on them and pummel them into bits.

Actually: I’d start yelling and try to chase them down so I could talk to them about their evil ways. I’m such a pacifist. :rolleyes:

(in which I prove myself to be not only an asshole, but a sexist one)

Boy: I sneak up, filming him with my camera phone as I go. If I get within 20 feet without him noticing, I stop filming, run up and belt him a good one in the side of the head. The film is strictly to discourage him or his parents from trying to sue me or file charges.

Girl: Exact same thing, except instead of punching her in the head, I grab her by the collar, push her away from my car and give her a stern talking to. If she gives me any lip whatsoever, I call the cops and the vandalism footage goes to them.

I’d grab them and hold them (if they try something cute, I’d subdue them; I’m a big guy) until the cops/security came, then press charges.

Wouldn’t you be admitting to battery in either case? Or would the video legally demonstrate that you were somehow legally justified?

This all depends on the teenager i guess (should i even be posting here at the age of 20:o )

If big and looking “Dangerous” i would most likely yell out so he stops and posibly verbaly abuse/rant at him while he hopefully takes off

If smaller, posibly same as above but with a phsycal approch aswell such as catching him to hopefully scare some sense into him.

Yes, i used him/he, but i guess if it was a girl it would be overall the same

end up with a keyed car.

Neither. Notice I interjected the “stop filming” before the physical contact. In the case of the girl, I would love to see them try and take me to court for dragging and pushing her away from the car she was in the act of vandalizing. In the case of the boy, I’d show the kid the video and be like, “Do you really want to pursue this?”

I would control myself and say, “Hey, fucker, what do you think you’re doing?” until I got up close to them.

Isn’t assault a much more serious crime than vandalism? If he pursued it, I’d WAG you’d get in a lot more trouble than him, especially if he was a minor.

I’d walk up to him (without being noticed, if possible) then take the keys right out of his hand and drop them down the nearest sewer grate. How he gets home, or gets into his house, would be of absolutely no concern to me.

Alternatively, I’d take the keys, run back inside screaming for security, and give the keys to the security guard. Let him talk his way out of that.

Yeah, I’d probably go to jail. :frowning:

I’d snap a quick pic with my cell phone, then use it to call the police. I would attempt to keep the vandal from “getting away” while I awaited the authorities. In my younger days, I’d probably hurt the vandal and wind up in trouble myself.

I’d blame Carrie Underwood, the little vandalista! :eek:

He gets a donkey bite to the neck and groin, until I am satisfied that he had a good reason to do such a stupid thing (or I get bored of seeing him cry, either way). Then what **Diceman ** said (thanks, man. That is great, I once did that with the wallet of a clown who tried to badge me but never thought of using it in this situation)

See, if I caught Carrie Underwood doing that to my car, that would be another matter entirely. I’m not sure exactly how she could make it up to me, but she would definitely be living up to her name…

Well, a girl so stupid she carves her own name into the seats wouldn’t be useful for much else! :smiley:

Girl–hold her for cops.

Boy–key his face. :mad:

I’m thinking that if someone was vandalizing my car or property, I’d take my chances with a jury, and fuck that guy right up.

I have a suspicion that giving a vandal a good beat-down wouldn’t be something that a jury would be likely to convict you of around here.

… threaten to kick his ass, of course!

Possibly for the first time.

Actually, judging by your location you arguably have a legal justification for using force to stop him.

Per the Texas Penal Code: