a flashlight, unless the batteries are dead.
The way to a man’s heart…
is straight through the wall of his chest while turning your hand and praying to Kali, unless he’s Harrison Ford.
I’ve grown accustomed to her…
thick beard, and the stress that travelling with the circus puts on our relationship.
Saw me and Julio…
in a mad passionate embrace under the jungle gym down by the schoolyard.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and…
the day after that, and the day after that again… when is something really exciting going to happen?
The proof of the pudding…
…is 2. I realize that means there’s only 1% alchohol in there, but even that’s too much when you consider the fact that THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FREAKIN’ NONALCHOHOLIC PUDDING!!!
Luck be a lady…
Royalty really turns me on.
All roads lead to…
…$3000 and a good dose of hormones later.
A rolling stone…
…Coffeeville, Mississippi, if you follow them closely enough.
…is a rocking stoner - just ask Keith Richards.
From now on, I’ll connect the dots…
…and not the numbers next to the dots. Makes for a smoother, prettier, and much more obvious picture. (Something I learned later in life)
better late than…
…so early that what you were going to do was lost in the mists of time and legend thousands of years before it became necessary for you to do it.
Eh, they’re 1920s style…
clothes - and they’ve just come into fashion again.
He who pays the piper…
. . . shouldn’t have to worry about leaky plumbing for a few years. He who doesn’t pay will be, well, hosed.
Alas, poor Yorik! I knew . . .
homeopathy wouldn’t work, but would he listen? Nooooo.
To boldly go where…
…EVERYONE has gone before.
Thank you Mario! But our princess…
Already has 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a-milking, 7 swans a-swimming, 6 geese a-laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree!
“Check yes or…”
doesn’t like spagetti - she wants a pizza - king-size pepperoni with extra cheese.
He who helps another …
…no, but either way we’re sending you our FREE* PROMOTIONAL LITERATURE!
*Literature may or may not actually be free.
…smuggle contraband in from Colombia may or may not be a friend. Watch your goods once you hit the border.
Extra, extra! Read all about…
Cecil is standing as the Straightish Dopish candidate in the next Presidential Election. Campaign workers, and financial contributions, urgently required.
Keep your friends close …
… and your enema’s closer. Really, you don’t want your friends finding those.
All Hail, Ming the…