I don’t see how sex even matters here. It’s an easy hypothesis to thing latch on to (“He hit it, then quit it”) but it is just as plausible that he really did like her a lot initially, but lost the zeal for her after suddenly finding himself in a “relationship”. This could have happened with or without the sex; even though sex does tend to speed things up.
It can be hard to transition from friends to lovers because your expectations for one another have to change. It doesn’t sound like he is willing or ready to make that leap with her.
I completely agree with this (former super CRAZY GIRL here), and also would like to add that it absolutely doesn’t matter if he is the scummiest scum of the earth or if he’s Prince Valiant. He’s made himself clear and it’s time for your friend to move on. I mean, okay, maybe he totally played this chick and only wanted to bang her a couple of times from the beginning. Actually, if this helps your friend move on, maybe she should assume that. Ultimately though, his motives and character are irrelevant. What’s important now is for her to reflect briefly upon how to better handle such situations in the future and then get back out on the dance floor.
He’s gay and in denial, still telling himself he’s straight or at least bi. He managed to do the deed a couple of times but realized he just can’t put himself through it again.
As pointed out by WhyNot, he did give an explanation. The fact that you and your friend don’t like it is irrelevant. Both you and your friend need thicker skins if a one week relationship has the ability to significantly affect you, emotionally. You seem to think of that as a bad thing.
I don’t think you, nor your friend, have a very thick skin. So, is it not okay for a man to change his mind? Is that only a woman’s prerogative?
You have no idea what intentions or thoughts led to his decision. None, whatsoever. More importantly, it doesn’t matter. It’s completely irrelevant. Yet you judge him based on assumptions. You and your friend both need to realize that when adults get into situations that may lead to unpleasant results, they may experience unpleasant results.
Tell your friend to put on her big girl panties and move on.
I don’t think you need a very thick skin… just a normal kind of skin.
Every relationship goes from cold to hot to cold. People’s feelings change, sometimes quickly and dramatically, and not usually in line with the other person’s in the equation. No one has to justify liking someone or not liking someone. They just feel what they feel… and usually their actions reflect their feelings.
You seem to have this idea that once someone has expressed some sort of romantic or sexual interest in you, they have an obligation to keep on being interested unless they have an ironclad, fully reasoned, and thoroughly explained excuse for not liking you any more. This is something I am having trouble understanding… I pride myself on being a very logical and forthright person, but I have never been able to fully explain even to myself why my former interest in a person just wakes up dead one day, and I’ve certainly never given any of these people a long explanation of every facet of their being that is a turn-off to me. Or even ‘hey, I found someone I like a lot more, see ya around!’ To me, that would be more hurtful and confusing than simply telling them that it’s not going to work out (or, in situations with no entanglements, just switching off the flirting).
Friend 1, Male, Mid30’s- “He’s an idiot.” Wants to sleep with her next
Friend 2, Female, mid30’s- “He can’t handle her being smarter than him.”
Friend 3, Female, Late 20’s- “He’s protecting his feelings” Women
Friend 4, Male, Early 30’s- “He’s upset with something she did.” Gay
Friend 5, Male, Mid20’s- “He’s testing to see if she can be independent or if she’s clingy” Banged her already
Friend 6, Female, Late20’s- “He’s immature and obviously deficient in some way, as he has never had a meaningful relationship and is in his 30’s.” Bitter woman. Destined to die alone and be eaten by her cats
I don’t think sex cools a relationship. If a relationship exists, adding sex to it won’t be a problem. But sometimes there’s no relationship there in the first place.
A guy won’t decide not to date a woman because he had sex with her. But a guy might have sex with a woman even if he has no intention of dating her.
One other thought is that some people may not be comfortable being in a relationship with someone who discusses intimate aspects thereof with this many other people.
(I’m not criticizing; I’ve been the talkative one in the past, and it hasn’t always been appreciated).
At the risk of citing a bullshit book full of bullshit; he’s just not into you.
Move on.
In my experience, any guy who IS into you will move heaven and earth to be with you, impress you, make clear he want you for his own, and NOT blow you off EVER. “Cool it off”? Are you kidding me? At this juncture, IF he was in any way into you/“liked you”, he’d be pushing YOU towards taking it to another level, not making excuses to push you away.
Jesus, my late DH kept a 3rd date with me even though he’d run a spike through his foot a few hours earlier and was in terrible pain. This guy can’t be bothered to acknowledge you? Dump the MF already…he’s already dumped YOU, honey. Face it, you were a fuck and a few making out sessions to him, nothing more. He’s a dick and you are an idiot if you read anything more into it.
I have to respond to this (and the other similar remarks).
My aforementioned DH was in NO way put off by the fact that I gave him a blow job 'round about our 3rd or 4th “date” and we had full sex soon after. (we met in late December and were lovers by early January, living together by May). He didn’t dump me or lose interest as a result of me being honest and acting on the impulses we both had. We were together 23 yrs (until he died) and had 2 kids and a great relationship for the most part.
That idea, that men automatically lose interest if the woman “puts out too soon or at all” is BULLSHIT.
If you want to fuck (or suck) on the first date or the 4th or whenever, do it. Don’t let some bullshit self-help books based on myths dictate your choices.
If there is some other aspect to the relationship, sex, at whatever point, will not kill it. Quite the contrary.
In the OP’s case, it seems there was no other aspect involved, at least for the man she is referring to. OH WELL. Chalk it up as different expectations and hopefully a decent fuck.
I want to clarify that my use of the term “you” is mainly a semantic choice and not an assumption that the OP IS the “you” involved (though she may be…I did not make that assumption and regret any impression to the contrary…I just chose a simple, direct form of address by which to express my opinions, as one girlfriend to another).
I can’t speak for others, but what I was saying is that some guys lose interest after they get sex; as you get older, you realize that those guys do you a favour by so thoughtfully taking themselves out of your life.
You are all a bunch of cynical bastards. The real reason why “the boyfriend” has been acting cool towards “your friend” is because he has shaved himself to gain a virtual inch, and as a result, it now itches like crabs. And now the last thing on his mind is rubbing his Euphrates delta against someone else. But you can’t explain that to someone and have that person still respect you. So, tell “your friend” to continue to fawn after this person, like the puppy who got the saucer of suet, and once the hair grows back, he’ll return the affection.
