being RedWood after the tree, I fear I am only tasty to bugs 
I am the bits of food that get stuck between the seat cushions, in the footwells and under the seats of the average family car. You know, the Cheerios and fish crackers that the baby throws from the back seat, the kids’ after-school snacks and bits of donuts and breakfast bars that crumble away when you pull into the parking lot at your job in the morning.
Hmmm… one of those godawful drinks that are like 100 proof but so sugary you can’t taste the alcohol.
Is it too late to change my username to “Holy Shit”?
Ummmm…the mildest flavor in a line of super-hot sauces?
The last good bits clinging to the pudding skin?
Sounds like a midnight special on the Street of Small Gods. CMOT would make a KILLING. 
Mine is food to lions.
Frickin lions, I hate them. I think they pronounce it differently. something like ROAR!
Everyone else is so clever!
I’m stumped on mine. I could say it with different accents and make it sound like a vaguely Asian dish I guess…pronouncing “Mitze” closer to “Miso”, but I prefer to put it into an Italian accent to sound like a fancy pasta dish.
Either way I am coming up with some form of cat noodles…yuk!
An inexplicably named British dinnertime staple in the grand tradition of spotted dick or toad in the hole. Confuses tourists. Does not contain wolves.
I’m getting a lot of enjoyment out of the phrase “handheld pasty”, big alex.
When I first saw your name in this thread, I actually combined those two. You were a tea made with lobster stock.
I feel bad. My stupid thing about the gum was just to try to be funny. Y’all are so much more creative. There’s got to be something better.
Wait: BigT is short for Big trlkly. Trlkly is always something I think of as being some sort of I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-turkey. But it’s not really vegetarian–the only thing not allowed is anything that actually comes from a turkey.
Still, I like the idea that BigT is a tea flavored gum or hard candy. But I don’t mean tasting like what you drink. It has the flavor you would think tea tree shampoo would if it were a food. It’s kinda minty.
I would be some sort of hideous freeze-dried all-in-one food that astronauts consume to maintain proper levels of salts and minerals while in space. He didn’t actually mess up “One small step for – man…”, he was just choking down another goddamn lunar saltlick.
Nope – there are noodles involved, but MitzeKatze an Eastern European goulash that is served on top of them.
In Germany, mitzekatze is a multilayered pastry formed in the shape of a cat. It has chocolate, whipped cream, strawberries, and delicate flaky pastry. It was developed in Hamelin; there was originally a connection to the Pied Piper story, but this has been lost.
Understandably, there is some confusion when it is ordered by East Europeans.
Wow! A stick of Jamicat and a handful of Carnuts and I’m ready to conquer K2.
Oh, to wash it down, try some delicious, warm au jus with a squirt of chocolate flavored syrup. ( AJdeBosco, of course) Available a Jewel, Kroger, and any Chicagoland roast beef stand.
This is a great thread!
Perhaps I’m a brand of bacon-flavored beer? Served in a glass shaped like breasts…
You’re obviously an herbal supplement that gives the imbiber the illusion of getting the best BJ ever!
I fear I’m a supposedly miraculous weight loss product. Or worse . . .
I’d be a diet candy bar.
The ads:
A brunette model, hair piled up high, seen in profile.
Vertical silky ribbons in varying shades of brown ripple behind her, as she tilts her head back and takes a bite of a candy bar.
Voice over: “You will never miss the calories, but your friends don’t have to know that.”
Closing shot text: “Don’t tell them what they are missing”
The reality: A cookie/“chocolate” bar, where the chocolate is actually more waxy then chocolately.
There’s worse?
I’m thinking something like Alli
Me, I would be Emily Vanilla