I woke up this morning to my sister’s dog going apeshit. The postman had called. He delivered a parcel for me. It was from my girlfriend in America. It’s my birthday on Thursday so it was my present.
I opened it up and part of the present was…
Drum roll please!
…Bacon Salt!
So where’s the ring?
I’ve hidden it under a ring near the summit of K2. If she can get up there I’ll marry her. 
Stay away from Americans. Nothing but trouble.
Bacon salt makes a wonderful de-icer…and delicious snowballs afterwards!
You do realize that bacon salt is not an American euphemism for wanting sex.
On the other hand, had she sent you pork rinds …
Duuuuude, bad news. See salt is used for pouring on slugs to make them shrivel up. Bacon salt … well … you wouldn’t happen to have a pork slug on hand would you? See where this is going?
Has she mentioned the bacon mints? I’m still quite curious about the bacon mints.
No, not the bacon mints, bleh.
When’s the wedding?
Yeah, let us know so we can come throw bacon bits at you as you leave the church!
(if it’s a mosque or synagogue, we can use imitation bacon bits!)
the next thread,
Ask the drunken Irishman how his new bride feels about being pelted with imitation pork by a bunch of miscreants
The old drunken Irishman thread has died a death.
Mmmmm . . . unexplained bacon salt.
Have you recently moved? In pioneer days in midwest US, salt was a traditional housewarming gift. A bit of salt was scattered on the threshold, symbolic of protection from harm.
This,of course, is why I don’t live in the midwest.
Is she a Doper?
If not, she should be.
Nope she’s no doper. I was just telling her about it having read it here. I tried it out. At first I was slightly disappointed but in pasta sauce and or on baked potatoes with cheese it’s really nice. PS I’m a vegetarian. I haven’t recently moved.