Going off this, and to expand on George Carlin:
I have stuff.
You have junk.
He has a lot of shit!
I have a thick, attractive beard.
You could use a shave.
He’s scraggly.
I have a very keen sense of my surroundings.
You’re quite the detective.
He’s paranoid.
Or…
I’m thoughtful.
You’re distracted.
He’s oblivious.
[Quote]
(http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0030015/quotes) from Bernard Woolley in Yes, Prime Minister:
Quite appropriate for political discourse here:
I support my political party.
You are a partisan.
He is a loony lib/tighty rightie.
I’m flexible.
You’re pretty easy-going yourself, but
he’s completely wishy-washy!
I’ve learned to be assertive,
you’re strong-minded, but
she’s a pushy, self-centered prima donna!
I am a thought-provoking Doper.
You never give cites.
He is a troll.
I’m an idealist.
You’re a bleeding heart.
He’s delusional.
I had the discipline, dedication, and devotion to earn several college degrees.
You really extended your college years past a psychological healthy point in your life.
He’s living in an ivy league tower afraid to face the real world.
Of course I should pass on my superior genes as much as I can.
Don’t you know anything about birth control?
He breeds like a rabbit.
I am open and honest.
You’re blunt.
He’s a rude asshole.
I am steadfast in my principles.
You’re stubborn.
He’s a bigot.
I am aware of my intellectual limitations.
You’ve got a lot to learn.
He’s an ignorant yahoo.
I know when to fight and when to withdraw.
You need to start standing up for yourself.
He’s a yellow-bellied coward.
What a lovely painting of a woman playing a guitar.
She’s holding a wheel of Gouda. When is she going to cut the cheese?
What kind of Asian slapping somone’s ass sex act is that a picture of?
I’m frugal.
You’re tight with your money.
She’s cheap.
I’m progressive
You’re liberal
He’s a socialist
I’m charismatic.
You’re likeable.
He’s an ass kisser.
I’m rugged.
You’re rustic.
He’s a redneck.
I glow.
You perspire.
He sweats like a pig.
I’m a rebel.
You’re an outlaw.
He’s a criminal.
I’m judicious.
You’re judgemental.
He’s an asshole.
I’m magisterial.
You’re well-informed.
He’s a know-it-all.
I’m an oenophile.
You love wine.
He’s a wino.
I’m a statesman.
You’re a politician.
He’s a hack.
I’m a Trekker.
You’re a Trekkie.
He really should get a life!
My favorite college team’s coach believes in giving players from educationally-disadvantaged backgrounds opportunities to become student-athletes.
Your favorite college team’s coach has recruited a few academic borderline cases over the years.
That guy’s favorite college team’s coach fields a bunch of functional illiterates.
My representative in government is making sure my district gets its fair share.
Your representative in government is a bit too eager to approve spending for your district, no matter how effectively the money might be spent.
His representative uses pork money to buy elections.
I’m sexy.
You’re daring.
She looks like a slut.