I'm considering committing murder.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Stupid Questions Dept:

Q: Exactly what face (or fill-in-the-blank body part) is worth you putting up with her petty and manipulative personality!? Lets get some perspective here: In a Gary Larson world, you’re the Ant and she’s the Little Boy with the Magnifying Glass. What’s cooking is you.

No Good can Ever come of Any interaction between you two. Ever.

re-read that last sentance Out Loud

Block her email? No…change Your email, delete all aspects of her email, address or phone numbers (none of that, “well, I’ll keep it in a file in case I need it” BS) from your hard-copy phone books, cellphones, speed-dials, and PCs. For 6 months (possibly a year), your email needs to be set to allow incoming mail from “people in your address book only” and make damn sure she’s not listed there.

Every time you think of her, you owe your next GF 50 situps. Everytime you say her name outloud, even to yourself, you owe next GF 100 situps. Everytime you post about her…500 situps.

(Your next GF will thank you appropriately)
*posted by Count Bluchher, a mean rotten nasty SOB who’s just trying to ruin your life and make you misrable, without any consequence to your feelings. Happy Holidays. Now, do it.

42

[QUOTE=Contrapuntal]
Do youn have any pictures of her naked? Semi? Post them early and often on the intraweb. Copy to her from a dummy e-mail.
[/QUOTE]

And, uh, no. I deleted them. Back in the early days of recent heartbreak I had a tendency to look at them a bit too much and, uh, well, you know, (oh, damn it…) control the kitten population, a bit too damned frequently ( :smack: ), and I realized that it wasn’t really doing me any good.

Holy smoke, that first thread I posted last Chrismas is really a piece of fucked-up psycho-nonsense. I must have been out of my head. She really isn’t the nice person I idolized back then. Then again, maybe she isn’t as all together horribly psychotic as I think now. I’m sure she has some good sides. I’ve just forgotten what they are. Well, exept for her great rack.

Damn it. I think I should get laid. There must be *someone *I can call…

43

[QUOTE=Peak Banana]

Damn it. I think I should get laid. There must be *someone *I can call…
[/QUOTE]

Ghostbusters? :smiley:

44

I think what you need, Peak, is a decent girlfriend. Once you are with someone nice and normal, you won’t even know why you wasted so much time and mental energy on your loser ex.

And delete her (the ex) from your life, in every way. No final good-byes - just gone. She can’t play games with you if you stop playing back. Well, she can, but that’s getting into stalker territory, and that’s a whole 'nother thread.

45

Peak Banana,

You’re right. The whole situation sucks and it isn’t fair. Sometimes life sends us things we don’t want or takes things from us that we do. Nothing fair about it. But you said something interesting in your other thread that had me wondering.

So how has this been going? Have you been getting out of the rut? Have you been doing things to “get out of it”?

I’m not asking to be nosy and actually I’m not asking for you to post your answer. Or maybe you have already posted about this (no search feature for us newbies) and that’s great if you’ve already shared about this. But if not, it’s just a question that you might want to reflect on. After all, this whole thing is not about your ex. She’s out of your life now. It’s about YOU.

Wishing you the best on getting out of the rut and basking in the sunshine.

46

[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo]
Peak BananaSo how has this been going? Have you been getting out of the rut? Have you been doing things to “get out of it”?
[/QUOTE]

Funny you should ask. Yes, I have. Things are looking up and I’ve actually had a fantastic year. I’m keeping busy. I’ve banged two different girls since the psycho ex, one of them repeatedly over a period of several months (didn’t work out, but no hard feelings about that one). I’ve been to Turkey to see a solar eclipse. I’m now in library school, and I’ve had an excellent semester, with great fun, good results, and crazy new skills to show for it. I have a part-time job as well as going to school, which I also really enjoy, and where I’ve met a lot of really cool people. For all intents and purposes, I’m turning into a happy, outgoing individual, and if this continues, heck, I may soon be hard to tell apart from a reasonably normal person, albeit with some black stains of fucking up from the last few years on my resume. Right now I’m having more fun than I’ve been having in years, heck, maybe more than ever, and it feels like I’m finally spending my time improving myself and doing something worthwhile. Yay me.

And still, this bitch is able to get me down, busting open old wounds and serially-breaking my heart with this constant “look, this guy gets to screw me, you don’t, neener-neener”-bullcrap. You’re right, though, the problem is not really with her, it’s with me. I need to stop sucking the shit up. Doper advice has been unanimous, and I do get the point: no more contact, no more even reading her e-mails until I can look her in the eye and say “oh, you have a nice shiny new boyfriend? not my business, and I don’t care”, and really not care.

So, she’s out. Blocked. Shunned. Surgically removed. Now, excuse me while I go outside and mope just a *teensy *bit more.

47

[QUOTE=Peak Banana]
Funny you should ask. Yes, I have. Things are looking up and I’ve actually had a fantastic year. I’m keeping busy. I’ve banged two different girls since the psycho ex,…And still, this bitch is able to get me down, busting open old wounds and serially-breaking my heart with this constant “look, this guy gets to screw me, you don’t, neener-neener”-bullcrap.
[/QUOTE]
You know, if she was really doing all that great and totally doesn’t need you in her life, she wouldn’t be sending you messages like this. The best thing you can do for yourself (and the worst thing you can do to her) is to completely ignore her. She’s not even worth your pity.

Good luck to you.

Stranger

48

My young friend:

(And I am assuming much here, considering I don’t know you: I do not know if you are younger than me, or if you would even consider me a “friend”, but I will leave the heading as it is, and hope you will accept it in the spirit in which it is offered.)

It is obvious you are hurting, and it is also obvious that you have gotten the attention of some people who care about you, and who have offered their advice to help you through this time.

I have nothing to add to what has been written, but I would like to say I am sorry for writing what I did in the manner it was written.

After much thought and reading your words (and feelings), I have come to the conclusion that what I wrote was cold and uncaring, and I apologize.

The apology does, however, carry a caveat: Please be more careful in the future in the wording of your subject.

We are living in an age when any comment, no matter how off-handedly it is said, can come back to haunt you, and from what I read, you do not seem like the type of person who would do such a thing.
I wish you the best.

Q

49

I think you played the first email wrong. It should have went like this.

from: psychoexgirlfriend@bitchmail.com
to: peakbanana@sucker.com
subject: new boyfriend.

“Hi. I have a new boyfriend! Just thought I’d let you know that I’m very happy.
Love,
Psycho Ex-Girlfriend.”

from: peakbanana@sucker.com
to: psychoexgirlfriend@bitchmail.com
subject: re: new boyfriend.

REALLY? I just got a new boyfriend too! It’s Rick, the guy who used to cut my hair. We hooked up a few times about a month before you and I broke up. After I got our of our relationship I came to terms with the fact females were not for me and how I was just fooling myself. I’m SO much happier out.

We should TOTALLY go shopping (or dancing) sometime.

Ta-ta for now,
Peak Banana."

50

Good luck man. It took me literally threatening to track down and kill my ex-girlsfriends husband, and then providing her address to her when she said it couldn’t be done, to get her to stop harassing me and threatening my family (threaten me, fine, threaten my children, I will run you to the ground and end you).

Seriously, stop all contact. You’ll only be better for it. You’re young… in time, you’ll look back on this period and wonder how you could have let yourself get so hung up on someone like that.

51

[QUOTE=Peak Banana]
Funny you should ask. Yes, I have.

<snip>

Now, excuse me while I go outside and mope just a *teensy *bit more.
[/QUOTE]

I apologize for my post. My hope was that it would be interpreted as concerned and constructive. I obviously misread the situation and/or didn’t communicate my intention well. And I should not have made any assumptions about your current situation. I’m sorry for that.

52

[QUOTE=Quasimodem]
I have come to the conclusion that what I wrote was cold and uncaring, and I apologize.
[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding? Don’t worry, your post was fine. It made me smile, in fact. :slight_smile:

[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo]
I apologize for my post. My hope was that it would be interpreted as concerned and constructive.
[/QUOTE]

And that is just the way I did interpret it. Thank you. :slight_smile:

My heartfelt thanks goes out to everyone in the thread for kind words and thoughts, and good advice. Dopers rule, OK?

53

[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
I hate you.

And, I’ve never even met one of your ex-es! :mad:
So.

Send me their numbers/e-mail addys.

After all, fair’s fair.
[/QUOTE]

Seriously dude, do you really want to set yourself up for failure?

On a note related to the OP, I’ve been in (read as currently in) the same situatuion. I’ve had this on-again-off-again thing with my highschool GF for about 10 years now. After STUPIDLY spending the night at her place last weekend (it was a no sex thing, thank god I’ve got some selfcontrol left), she told me about her new guy friend and how much better I am then him, and how she wanted things to be better between us. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I may be stupid for going over there, but I’m not so dumb as to not see through the BS.

Peak now you have to realize that no matter how good you become as a person, or as a BF, or lover remeber this one thing: THIS WOMAN IS YOUR KRYTONITE

She knows how to push all your buttons to wind you up, help her feel great about herself or whatever she needs from you, and then when shes done she’s cast you to the wind till she needs another ‘fix’. Don’t let her do it, just cut her off as others have advised.

I also think you should do her sister or something. Not really the best advice, but trust me, you’ll feel better :smiley:

54

Peak Banana–what you need are felt-tip markers.

Lots of felt-tip markers.

Do you know her phone number?

Can you seek out the sleazy-est men’s rooms in the lowest dives in your region?
You know what to do.
Go, my son! You Quest awaits!
Mods: the above is a joke!!!

55

[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train]
You know, if she was really doing all that great and totally doesn’t need you in her life, she wouldn’t be sending you messages like this.
[/QUOTE]

spot on. Every time she sends an email, that just means she is scraping bottom.

She is bad stuff. Good riddance and enjoy your life.

56

Postscript to thread: Merry freaking ex-mas to me.

Did meet with the ex. Looked her in the eye and told her “oh, new boyfriend? good for you” and sent her on her merry way, and right there and then I really didn’t care, and let me tell you, it felt pretty darn good.

Why this sudden change of heart? Well, last Friday I worked up the nerve and asked this beautiful bonsai girl (20 years of age, about 5.4 feet, 88 pounds of un-freaking-believableness) at work for her phone number, and gave her mine. In theory, she’s way out of my league. She has this face, you know, and this whole thing going, that makes me want to cry… write a poem… jump on her… Anyway, Saturday, *she *called me. Hung out with her for the next week. Had amazing time. Turns out she’s an superbly cool person. Achieved kissy-kissy, cuddly-cuddly. No action yet, but the prospects, bizarrely enough, I think, are looking not too shabby, not too shabby at all.

The only thing is…

Now I’m completely obsessed with *her *instead of the ex. Heels over head. Bonkers. :smack:

Something tells me the problem is with me, not the chicks. This will most certainly backfire horribly. For now, however, I feel pretty great. Well, great, and… completely horrible.

Wish me luck.

57

(Oh, and by the way… does anyone have any good tips about bonsai girl maintenance? Do they need, like, pruning? Confinement in very small apartments? Vitamin deprivation? Anything I should know about? Or do they take care of themselves?)

58

Anything I can tell you about infusing your new girl will sound like I got it from the Penthouse Forum.

Stay away from that old one. If necessary, make it so you get seen with hot new girl at the mall or something.

As for pruning, I find that the “scorched earth” technique is rather nice.

59

[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever]
Anything I can tell you about infusing your new girl will sound like I got it from the Penthouse Forum.
[/QUOTE]

And why would that be? :stuck_out_tongue:

60

According to this site you should keep her outside, avoid watering her with the common garden hose, keep her away from sea breezes, and weed her fairly regularly. Good luck with that.

And congratulations. :wink: