I need a smile or two. C’mon, guys, I know you can come through for me on this.
Anything?
Okay…this is going on as I speak. I have four cats. They’re all huddled around my new space heater…sleeping as sound as can be. Except for Miss Cranky Face (my little gray cat…and yes, I really call her that!) who vants to be alone…and is sleeping on top of my monitor.
There is a big test tomorrow. The teacher is telling the class that unless there is a nuclear attack or a sudden serious illness, she will expect everyone to be in class for the test.
So, smart aleck pipes up, “What if I’m too tired to come to class because I’m suffering from sexual exhaustion?”
Teacher fires back, “Well, then, you’ll just have to write with your other hand.”
::sneaking up behind Kythereia::
BOO! tickle tickle tickle
::running away::
Sits across from Kythereia and makes funny faces.
:rolleyes: :dubious: 
:eek: 
:o :smack:
Does that mean no flirting? Aww. Just when I thought I could rely on you!
hugs
goes skipping across the room, trips, lands on face
I meant to do that.
mouth twitches just slightly, mmmmf noise
Oo, I remembered this really good joke last night, too. Aw, what was it? Oh, yeah! I was thinking about how I wish I had warm fur like the kitties, and I remembered this joke about two cowboys who were on a cattle drive. One of the cowboys was a young fellow, and this was his first cattle drive. His mom was worried about him sleeping out in the desert, so she’d made him a sleeping bag of buffalo hides to keep him warm. The first night of the cattle drive, he rolls out his buffalo-hide sleeping bag and starts to crawl in. The other cowboy, he’s ridden a lot of cattle drives, and he tells the greenhorn, “You know, it gets really cold in the desert at night, and you’ll be warmer if you turn your sleeping bag so the fur’s on the inside.”
“Oh, thanks, pardner,” says the younger cowboy, and he turns his sleeping bag inside out and crawls inside. A minute later he starts just snickering to himself, and after a while, the older cowboy asks him, “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, I was just thinking about that poor buffalo,” says the greenhorn, “who spent his whole life wearing his fur the wrong way out!”
There are 3 tomatoes crossing the street. A daddy tomato, a mommy tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts to lag behind. Daddy tomato notices and walks back to him, smushes him, and says, “Catch up!!”
I hear tell that there’s a whole team of UN Weapons Inspectors coming over to my apartment to search for cats. They heard we have Weapons of Mouse Destruction.
ba-DUM-bum!
accent on the “dum”
I don’t know why, but this never fails to cheer me up.
::sticks straws in nose::
::sneezes::
:eek: Sorry, Hal. They’ll heal… eventually.
Ok, here’s one. Raunchiness alert.
Guy is stationed in the desert. After three weeks or so, he gets horny. He goes to his Commanding officer, explains the situation, and the Captain says “Well, there’s Bessie, the camel…”
The guy interrupts. “No way! I’m not interested, Captain, that’s disgusting.” and storms off to his tent.
After a few more weeks, he’s desperate, and figures what the hell? So he waits until one night, goes to Bessie, ties her up, drops his pants, and has at it. Suddenly a bright light is shined on him, and the Captain shoUTS
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
And the guy says, “Well, sir, you told me to use Bessie for when I got horny.”
And the Captain says, “To ride into town, you idiot!”
And another. Also raunchy.
Cowboy is captured by Indians (Native American, not my kind.) They say, “We’re going to kill you in three days, but until then, you can have whatever you want each night. If you want something from town, your horse can get it.”
So the guy whispers into his horse’s ear. The horse runs off and comes back shortly with a beautiful blonde. The guy shrugs, and proceeds to screw her all night.
Next night, same thing. He whispers into his horse’s ear, the horse runs off, and comes back with a beautiful redhead. He looks irritated, but takes her in the teepee and screws her all night, too.
The third night, he goes over to his horse. Grabs its ear. Sticks his face close to it. And in the loudest voice shouts.
“POSSE! BRING THE POSSE!”
Love ya, Kyth.
worked for me!
would a pretty kitty pic do the trick?
Ok, you know what it’s time for, right?
Aaah! it’s zombies now.
Fine.
What do you call a chicken’s favorite veggie?
Bwakoli
Hi Ky.
(Just registered, so you have the somewhat dubious honor of being my first joke audience on the boards).
To get the full effect, you need to read this out loud. You’ll understand what ‘tenjewberrymuds’ means by the end of the conversation, which a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”
Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”
RS: “Rye…Roon sirbees…morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??”
G: “Uh…yes…I’d like some bacon and eggs.”
RS: “Ow July den?”
G: “What??”
RS: “Ow July den?..pryed, boyud, poochd?”
G : “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”
RS: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”
G: “Yes, crisp bacon will be fine.”
RS : “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”
G: “What?”
RS:“An toes. July Sahn toes?”
G: “I don’t think so.”
RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes??”
G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan
sahn toes’ means.”
RS: “Toes! toes!..Why jew don wuan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”
- Hide quoted text -
G: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes,
an English muffin will be fine.”
RS: “We bodder?”
G: “No…just put the bodder on the side.”
RS: “Wad?”
G: “I mean butter…just put it on the side.”
RS: “Copy?”
G: “Excuse me?”
RS: “Copy…tea…meel?”
G: “Yes. Coffee, please, and that’s all.”
RS: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder
on sigh and copy…rye??”
G: “Whatever you say.”
RS: “Tenjewberrymuds.”
G : “You’re very welcome.”
DISCLAIMER: this is only my second post on the board, people, since Ive only registered an hour ago. Ive read all the rules and the FAQ, but if Ive made any faus pas, then try and let me know without making me feel like a dolt, huh? 