I'm fairly sure my best friend's wife is cheating on him. What to do?

[fisha]

Actually, with the most recent developments, I would highly advise NOT telling your friend.

This will resolve on it’s own-either she’ll get over the guy she is supposedly sleeping with when proximity is not a factor, making her focus on her marriage,or when she moves, she’ll realize that the marriage is over.

In addition, the husband will be able to notice if there is an ongoing affair a little easier if there is distance involved.

Either way, the decision will make itself, you saying anything at this point is immaterial.

[JThunder]

@Qadgop the Mercotan

My rule of thumb: Unless someone is at significant risk of being in actual physical danger, I keep my mouth shut.

Sometimes, non-physical danger is a great deal more damaging that physical danger.

As I recall, you work in the penal system. I’m sure that you know what I mean.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

@JThunder

Sometimes, non-physical danger is a great deal more damaging that physical danger.

As I recall, you work in the penal system. I’m sure that you know what I mean.

Ah, but who decides what is a non-physical danger, and to whom?

And which adults should be supervising the lives of which other adults as regards these matters?

I work in a system where there’s a lot of supervision of adults by other adults going on.

I do not wish to spend my non-work time in a system where there’s a lot of that going on.

Do you?

[JThunder]

@Qadgop the Mercotan

Ah, but who decides what is a non-physical danger, and to whom?

I’m not saying that these questions are always easy. My point is that we can’t simply dismiss danger simply because it’s non-physical in nature.

Heck, as a physician, I’m sure that you know all about psychological trauma. Surely you’ve seen a lot of that in your line of work. That’s not something that intelligent adults dismiss simply because it’s non-physical in nature – especially since the wounds can cut much deeper than any blade.

I repeat: I’m not saying that all danger is easy to determine. That holds true for both physical and non-physical danger, though. Moreover, there are times when it is just painfully obvious than someone is in emotional danger, and we’d be fools to dismiss that simply because it’s not a matter of life or limb.

[tesseract]

Tell him already!!!

[Dung_Beetle]

This question is not all that related to the situation, it’s just something I wondered. When your friend moves five hundred miles away, will you still keep in touch? Will you know how this all turns out?

[Eureka]

@Dung Beetle

This question is not all that related to the situation, it’s just something I wondered. When your friend moves five hundred miles away, will you still keep in touch? Will you know how this all turns out?

And most importantly, will you tell us all how this turns out?

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

Any word here, Shamozzle? My inner gossip is dying over here.

[greatshakes]

@Scumpup

My wife is a good, honorable, and loving woman. She is, in point of fact, a wonderful person who shows me_every day_tremendous love and loyalty. She is everything that one could ask for in a wife and closest friend. For someone to impugn that wonderful woman’s character and morals with such a base accusation is far more than I would be willing to tolerate. Since the proper response, horsewhipping the impertinent bastard, is out of the question in today’s world (the horse being replaced by the automobile has resulted in a dearth of horsewhips), I would have to content myself with just demolishing the mouth that spoke such filth.
Perhaps it is a result of the time and place where I was born. Perhaps it was role models like my father and uncles. Regardless of why I am this way, I believe (and I act upon) the only proper response to some things being an ass-kicking. Whether the people following this thread agree is of no importance.

I’m all for giving a manly punishment for troublesome people, but you are clouding the issue by bringing your wife into it. What if you were being cuckolded? Would you want to know about it? THAT is what the OP is about.

It is childish to say that the OP is passing on gossip. This isn’t gossip, it’s casual journalism. This kind of thing is public domain. Some wanker thinks he’s smart and parks in front of a stranger’s house overnight, then walks down the street to visit a married woman whose husband is out of town! This is public domain, regardless of how anybody wants to paint it. It is flagrant, and violates all of the canons of ‘discretion’ that separate gossip from repeating the six-o’clock news.

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

@greatshakes

I’m all for giving a manly punishment for troublesome people, but you are clouding the issue by bringing your wife into it. What if you were being cuckolded? Would you want to know about it? THAT is what the OP is about.

It is childish to say that the OP is passing on gossip. This isn’t gossip, it’s casual journalism. This kind of thing is public domain. Some wanker thinks he’s smart and parks in front of a stranger’s house overnight, then walks down the street to visit a married woman whose husband is out of town! This is public domain, regardless of how anybody wants to paint it. It is flagrant, and violates all of the canons of ‘discretion’ that separate gossip from repeating the six-o’clock news.

I was kidding about the “gossip” thing. I was just curious as to what the OP decided.

ETA: And BTW, I don’t know where you’re watching the 6:00 news, but when I was in the states the news was only gossip. News in America is a fucking joke.

[Hippy_Hollow]

@AuntiePam

Couldn’t this argue for innocent? Unless these people live in a big city, or out in the boonies, somebody’s gonna notice.

I don’t think getting another outsider involved was a good idea. But then I’m in the MYOB camp.

Yeah, but the MYOB attitude that a lot of people display means that many will see or notice what’s going on, but they won’t do anything about.

Nor should they, if they’re just acquaintances of the couple. But the OP is a best friend. The threshold is a little higher here.

I agree with those who suggest it’s best to say what you actually know. And I’d probably confirm that it was indeed his car, rather than taking the sister’s word for it, before I said anything. I actually considered the option of telling the wife that you’ve noticed what’s going on, but there have been some good objections to this.