I'm feeling a little down and I just want to vent a little.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

For about the past month or so, I’ve been feeling really bad. I’m overwhelmed and overworked, I’m sad and paraniod and I feel totally taken advantage of by almost everyone who’s supposed to care about me.

On any given day there is a ton of stuff depending on me and I’m getting no help what so ever. Doing the things I do outside of the home, I have about forty kids depending on me to accomplish things. I am supposed to have help, but no one else helps, they volunteer to do things, then back out at the last minute, dumping on me. If I don’t follow through, I feel guilty about letting the kids down. But the pressure is unbelievable. There is a big event tonight, we’ve known about for two months, everyone was ready to help. Late last night, I got some phone calls and now I am responsible for providing all of the refreshments, plates, silverware, cups and I have to make and print 100 programs. The people who were supposed to take care of this, backed out. I would feel awful if I was the one to disappoint the kids, so I do it all. What the hell is it that makes me feel responsible for everyone ?

At home, I feel over whelmed too. My kids are good kids, but my son forgets his homework all the time, then gets really upset and pissed off because he has to go in detention for it. He shoots off his mouth at me because he doesn’t know where else to go with his anger. I end up feeling mad as hell.

My little girl is so sweet, but she can’t seem to remember much either. She can’t remember what she did at school or what she’s supposed to do at home. I sent her to school with enough lunch money for two weeks, she forgets to turn it in and I keep getting letters sent home telling me, if I can’t afford to buy her lunches I should be applying for the free low income lunches. :smack:

I wake up everyday with terrible headaches. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I keep trying to do things to cheer myself up and it works momentarly, then I’m down again. That makes me seem like a crazy woman half of the time, to the people around me.

I’ve been drinking every day, not getting drunk, but it scares me that I am drinking. My mother’s an alcholic and drug addict, so I’m afraid I might be becoming one too. I’ve never been a big drinker before, but no one else knows I’ve been drinking, I don’t want my family to know. They would be disappointed in me.

Don’t get the wrong impression here, I’m not suicidal or anything, just really down. I wish I knew how to make things better. I also know that most of this is my own fault, I should just be telling everyone to lay off, but for some reason I can’t. I would feel worse then I do now.

Thanks for listening.

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Sending warm thoughts your way Dragongirl.

As an aside, I have suffered from mild chronic depression most of my adult life. I have found that St. John’s Wort has helped. I am not a doctor, so I urge you to get permission from your GP before trying it.

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Just wanted to say good luck. I know you’ll pull through.

N.

PS. I don’t think that my sig has ever been as appropriate as it is here.

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dragongirl, do you want advice? If so, I have a few suggestions.

I bet the SDMB’s answer to Dear Abby, Manda Jo, would have some great advice, too.

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The rest of you post pretty much describes my life. I have so much sympathy for your situation because it is basically how my life has been at time. Depression has been rough on me in the past. The part quoted above is what concerns me the most. It screams problem drinker. No one can say for sure where it might lead but from my own life’s experience you are heading down a road that is only going to get much rougher. Alcohol, depression, and life’s troubles were like an endless feedback loop, each making the others much worse. I’m not much on advice but I urge you to please, please, please see a professional of some sort. Perhaps an MD can prescribe some anti-depressants or a psychologist can help you a bit - anything to break the cycle. Best wishes and I hope things get better.

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Sure, I’m open to advice.

I’ve tried to talk to a very few people about how I feel, but I keep hearing " You can manage, you’re Superwoman"

It’s awfully hard to live up to that, but it seems like it’s even harder not to.

I really don’t know how to even get counseling. My medical insurance sucks and won’t cover much of anything and the nearest clinic is about an hour away, but I can’t get there and be home to get the kids from the bus in time.

I would love to start telling people to “Fuck off !” but I don’t and I can’t and I don’t know why. I even feel guilty for feeling the way that I do. There are so many people in the world that have it tougher then I do.

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Dragongirl you must SAY NO. Your first priority is to the children. Everything else is gravy. You must cut back. You don’t mention a dragonboy, but IIRC you Pitted him once or twice.

There is no need to say, “Fuck off.” You could say, “I’ve been volunteering a lot lately and I’m getting a bit burned out. I’m going to pass on this event. I’ll let you know when I’m available.”

[channeling Dear Abby]Remember, no one can take advantage of you without your permission.[/channeling Dear Abby]

And it’s okay not to be Superwoman. I would prefer SuperMommy anyway.

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Sorry, I meant to say your first priority is to your children, not the other little rugrats.

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I don’t like giving or receiving hugs.

…

Hugs Dragongirl :smiley:

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It’s hard to say “No” to charity work without feeling guilty. I’ve been able to do it because I know my limits. I truly believe that I need to take care of myself and my family before I take care of someone else, because if I burn myself out on other people, I won’t be there for my family. Or I will be there, but in a bitchy mood all the time. :slight_smile:

How old is your daughter? Can she read? Can she write? Have her make a list (or you can make one for her) of the things she needs to remember to do every day. Then post it in her bedroom, put a copy in her backpack, and if she has a locker, put one in there. Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised at how much it helps. I have lists posted in my kitchen (on the back of a cabinet door) and in my bathroom (in the medicine cabinet). It lists everything I want to do every morning before I leave and how long each task takes. I never forget deodorant anymore.

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My girl is 8 years old, but she’s having a hard time learning to read. I’ve made lists for her but she forgets to look at the lists. But I’m still trying.

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Let me let you in on a little secret regarding volunteer work: If you don’t do it, someone else will. And if they won’t, then it wasn’t all that important in the first place, was it?

I suspect you’re getting calls to help out because the caller knows you’ll say yes. If I was looking for help, my first calls would be to those I was pretty sure would sign on. There are lots of other people in the world - they all need their chance to lend a hand. Let them have that chance!

You and your kids are first priority. Do yourself and them a favor and concentrate on the family exclusively for a while. It may seem selfish, but it’s really not - your kids need you more than anyone else. After you are sure you’ve got a handle on that part of your life, you might consider taking on maybe one pet project as time allows.

And don’t drink - if you feel like you have to, come here and post. Substitue one addiction for another - at least we won’t make you puke in the morning!

Good luck to you - wish I had more to offer you.

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Dragongirl, I don’t have much to add except my enthusiastic support for saying no more.

I know it’s hard–I’m a softy, and I tend to go with the flow, and if someone calls and asked me to do something, my first instinct is always to say yes. Then later, I find myself regretting my decision.

So practice this. Write it down in big, bold letters and tape it by your phone and on your fridge and maybe on your bathroom mirror.

First Priority: My health, sanity, and children.
Second Priority: My home, my activities, and peace and quiet.
Third Priority: EVERYTHING ELSE.

Of course, your list may vary somewhat, but your first priority needs to be clear cut and definite, so that you are able to say NO when the time comes. Just do it. Don’t offer any excuses–a simple, “No, I’ll have to pass on that one” will do it. Your priorities must change–it’s vital to your health and your family.

For counseling, call the nearest mental health center (probably in that town an hour away). Explain your situation–you may find that they have satellite services available closer to you. Even in my very tiny town, we had an office like that open a couple of days per week.

You could use the support, honey. Make that call, okay? And let us know what you find out. Even if you have to travel, do it. Your kids need you to be healthy, and what’s going on right now is not healthy.

Email or im me if you need to vent. I’m on and off most of the time.

{{Dragongirl}}

Best,
karol

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There’s lots of good advice offered here in this thread. I hope that at least some of it helps you. And remember, you don’t need to make the whole world right, just your corner of it. And you get to define how big that corner is.

Here’s a smorgasbord of ideas that hit me. Feel free to use them or chuck them, whatever works best for you.

If your daughter doesn’t remember to turn in the lunch money, mail a check to the school. They’d be happy to get it that way.

Does your son carry a backpack to school? Can you make it part of your routine to see that his homework goes in there every night when he’s done? I have a 12 year old son - I know how scatterbrained they can be sometimes.

If you have any more commitments coming up, call the others who said they’d help a few days ahead of time, and tell them you’re counting on them to make this work. Tell whoever asks you to volunteer “Sorry, I can’t do this one. Maybe you could call <name of person that backed out on you>”.

Pour the rest of the booze down the sink, or if you can’t do that, give it away. Get it out of the house right now, and don’t replace it.

Hug your kids, tell them how wonderful they are, and that you want to go do something special with them this weekend. Then go - to a park, or the zoo, or a movie,or a bike ride - just go. Make it an easy but fun event that you can refer to in your mind as “the time when things started getting better”.

Consider talking to someone about depression - a counselor, a priest/rabbi/minister, a doctor, whoever. Any of these can refer you to a community mental health program if money is a problem.

And hang in there, dragongirl. It will get better - honest!!