Tomcat - I was hoping the author would stand up! I want to thank you; I was taking notes when I read that post and I think it was partially responsible for my current happy social life
Ag - I don’t think you should pass up on service personnel necessarily. However, I recommend that you arrange a meeting rather than ask for a phone number next time. Remember that she works with the public (in a high geek percentile area, right?) and there are some weird people out there - she really shouldn’t be giving out her number to a customer unless she’s gotten to know him really well.
…that for those of us in the medical profession, it’s a double-edged sword: often we have to touch in order to diagnose and this can be misnterpreted by the vulnerable patient. I sometimes wonder if we “police” ourselves adequately, because in my small hospital, I am often left alone with female patients to do EKG’s, breathing treatments, chest percussion, etc. When I first began in the field of respiratory therapy, I asked that a nurse stand by in the case of an EKG on a female, but now the nurses just roll their eyes at me if I ask when they are busy. I still however, ask for a witness if the patient is underage or temporarily mentally unstable. For the rest, I just takes my chances.
Additionally, we being in the public eye, are encouraged to treat our customers in a friendly manner, and this can become a problem if there is an SO in the room and he/she misinterprets your intentions. A very fine line, I sometimes call my female patients “Dear” (especially if elderly), but I have learned to gauge what the response might be and know when it is “not” appropriate. I also frown upon the use of first names with patients with whom one is not familiar.
I found Tomcat’s post to be very informative to my situation, because there have been times when I have found myself unusually attracted to a female patient. Luckily, I am now better armed to watch for the “signs”. Thanks again, Tom!
And this, I believe will be my 300th post. Please allow myself a little pat on the back, as it were, and I hope that at least some of them haven’t been too stupid.
Not to worry. I’m still mostly clueless, but I learned to be a little less passive. “I have no idea if this woman is interested in me…but if I make a move, then I’ll know for sure.” It’s gotten me generally good results, and eventually a wife, too, so all further information on technique is unimportant to me. But I sure could have used that information in my twenties.
Just another clueless dude checking in. I remember some years back going to a department store (Penneys? Dillards?) with a female friend. I got a feeling that the salesgirl was flirting with me, but I wasn’t sure, so I just dismissed it as the product of my hopeful imagination.
But it still bugged me, so while we were walking through the parking lot I asked my friend, “Was she flirting with me, or am I imagining things?” She responded, “YES! It was DISGUSTING!”
So, there you have it. Flirting must reach the “disgusting” stage before it even begins to penetrate my thick skull.
I was once so clueless in a particular instance that my first hint that this woman was interested in me was when she said: “I’m going to give you a blow job now, is that ok?”
I feel your pain, Ag. I am clueless as well. I generally don’t see it until I am about to be hit by an entire lumberyard, much less a 2x4. Oh, well… at least I don’t go around getting my heart (or someone else’s) broken all the time, right?
The one thing I haven’t seen anyone mention is the possibility of giving her YOUR phone number. That way she is not revealing her personal number, and you have indicated your interest. If she never calls, no big deal. If she calls, jackpot!
I’m nobody’s poet, but hell, I’ve been clueless myself, so I wrote this a couple of years ago. I just wrote it. Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t. It was a kind of outlet for me…
I Noticed You …
…as you made your way down the aisle, and you stopped at my row to
look out my window to see the sunrise over Frankfurt, and you bent over
to see the terra cotta roofs as we broke through the clouds. I heard
your sharp intake of breath as you marvelled at the beauty of what you
saw, just as I do every time I go “home”.
I wanted to speak to you, but the cold impersonal situation of the
flying tube we were in and everything I have ever read about not making
any kind of contact with your fellow passenger kept me from doing that,
and I believe we are both the poorer for me ( or you ) not having
spoken.
You see, I wanted to give you “space”. There is so little of it to be
had on this voyage, and I did not want to intrude on yours, or I felt
that you did not want yours intruded upon. So I let you look and smile
and I was silent. Had it been mine to offer, I would have given you the
entire row to enjoy the early morning German sunshine.
The other thing. I am male and you are female. All of the above might
have been completely inappropriate or taken the wrong way by whoever.
But no matter, it would have been nice to have shaken your hand, told
you my name and made some kind of contact as we sped through the sky to
our final destination.
… the women’s lib thing has got so many of guys so confused that we don’t know if we should shit or go blind when it comes to interacting with a female to whom we are attracted, so most of us don’t do anything at all.
Sorry, that should have read “clean-cut men.” (whoa- I mis-typed that as ‘clean-but’, glad I caught it! )
And it is still true. If it interferes with a), then you are probably hanging out with some specific group that accepts that style, and the women associated with said group probably don’t care as much. HOWEVER, most women I have known and talked with all toe the line on this one. Clean shaven (this includes tidy goatee’s, etc.) and at least presentable hair make good first-impressions. All women know that you are going to look like a bear emerging from hibernation most of the time, but when they first meet you, it helps, first impressions and all. Sorry, but it does. Maybe not even helps in an active way, but passively. It removes the question. Being well shorn doesn’t scream “Hey! Look at me! I am a clean-cut guy!” but not shaving and having nice hair DOES scream “Hey! Look at me! I didn’t put any effort in my appearance today! 4-day stubble and bed-head baby!”
And if you don’t believe me, try both. My money will be on the clean option.
…subclause c, section 1a. Shaving and getting shorn shall not be necessary in the case of a violation of selfness. Failure to do so however, shall institute a state of…
Okay, I am definitely not an expert on the subject. Here’s my suggestion for a customer service type situation where you’re pretty confident that she is flirting, someone please point out the flaws in it:
You: Would it be okay if I ask you a personal question?
Her: Sure. (Of course she will agree to this. The purpose of the question is only to prevent taking her by surprise, and to be polite.)
You: I was wondering, are you always this nice or are you flirting with me?
Two possible paths from here:
Her #1: Ha ha. I’m always this nice.
You: That’s what I figured, but I wanted to be sure. Have a nice day.
Or:
Her #2: Ha ha. I’m flirting with you. (Maybe “What do you think?”, if she’s not ready to admit it quite yet. As long as it’s not Her #1, you’re doing well.)
You: I was hoping you’d say that! Could I give you a [call*/e-mail/poke in the shorts] sometime?
[* - Always ask if you can give her a call. If she says yes, then point out that you will need her number. Somehow this is easier for her to agree to than if you go straight for the number. Don’t ask me why, I’m just reporting it.]
Upon re-reading this, I notice that it represents honesty which usually bites me in the ass, so maybe it wouldn’t work. What do the teeming millions think?
