I’m not sure why I’m posting this. I guess it’s because almost my whole circle of 'net friends is also friends with the girl mentioned in this post; I can’t complain to them very well – it’s unfair. But sometimes you just need someone to hear you out… so with that said:
There’s this girl I know.
We met on an MMORPG around 3-4 years ago and quickly became best friends. (Just to keep things straight, I’m female – it was a non-romantic relationship.) We talked all the time. For one reason or another, both of us spent huge amounts of time on the computer, and we bonded. We fought a lot, but we still stayed friends, that whole time. I over came my shyness and talked to her on the phone, numerous times. We sent each other letters and birthday cards, and little presents like stickers.
And for an extremely shy and not outgoing young girl, I did an amazing thing. I went to stay with her and her family for a week. We got along well, and this summer she came to visit me and my family… (we live numerous states apart: OR and AZ.)
We had such good times! We were best friends; we referred to each other as sister… we laughed about our habit of saying exactly the same thing at the same time as our sisterly mind-reading. We knew everything about each other, or so it seemed. We were best friends, though miles seperated us.
A few weeks ago… I lost her. Or my image of her, anyways, the person I thought was always there… Suffice it to say, we had a fight. A bad one. I won’t pretend I was totally in the right, and I don’t want to go into why we fought. But it seems like this is the last and worst one. Because though I miss that old image of her, I don’t miss the new person she has become. I hate the new person, as much as I loved my old sister. Maybe we just grew apart – we are both young (teenagers). I don’t know. All the things I disliked about her but could bear before suddenly were unbearable; all the grating little habits, all her selfishness and all her hurts and all her unfairness combined. I’m not saying I wasn’t selfish, or hurtful, or unfair. I’m sure I was. But…
I’ve fought with her before. She’s a person who fights a lot by nature. But always before, I was just angry, and I missed talking to her, and I wanted to make-up, even through the anger. Now there’s only this flat blank dislike. I don’t like this new person. I don’t -want- to make up with her. And it scares me, and saddens me, and I want to cry till I’m ill, because she was my best friend, she was my sis, she was my confidant, and now I’m losing her. And I know it’s only my own fault.
Damn. 