Oh! I don’t disagree with you on principle. It’s just that I’ve been on both sides of such an equation and…well…yes, he should definitely forget about her.
Clairobscur is right, Acsenray. “Forget it now, immediately, and don’t dwell on it” is not an option. I wish getting over rough events were that easy.
Lurker, what you say hurts, but I need to hear it as I believe there’s a high probability that you’re right. I’m the rebound guy, and I’m not all of the special things she had me believing.
You guys don’t know how much you are helping me. I appreciate all of the excellent posts so much. I’m going to try to get away from the PC now, because I am desperately sitting here waiting for emails to come in hoping that I hear from her. My heart sinks a little every time Mozilla Thunderbird alerts me that I’ve got a new email, and then there’s the disappointment that the best news I’ve had all day is that Kohl’s is giving me 20% off. Gonna get away, even if it just means watching TV. Thanks again.
I’m going to quote something someone once said here in a similiar discussion: “Restraining orders are not love letters.”
Do you think that you’re in some unique position? We’ve all had our hearts broken, and regardless of how you feel right now, no one can say anything more helpful than “Forget it now, immediately, and don’t dwell on it.” Of course it’s hard to to, but the more seriously you try to do it starting now the less it will harm you in the the long run and the sooner you’ll get over it. So no matter how impossible it seems, start pretending it is possible and start living as if you are doing it. That is the only thing that can happen and the sooner you resign yourself to it, the better off you will be.
And it’s making me feel Notok
AOL told you when the person initially opened the email but it didn’t tell you about any subsequent times they opened the email. I didn’t even know that was possible and I’ve never heard of a program that does that. Has anyone else here?
Anyway, in the last four years have you dated much or at all? Was this woman the last person you were involved with for any length of time?
I think he said that he has had many sexual relationships in the meantime.
Oh. I thought maybe he was just really lonely, which would make it kind of understandable. Actually it *is *understandable to have those feelings, but what is not understandable is for a 47-year-old to *nurture *those feelings to this extent, instead of realizing that he’s being silly and moving on.
Do not feed your Inner Emo.
Absolutely correct. Hard as hell to do, but it’s the only way.
One suggestion: find something else to do, and do the heck out of it. Go jogging. Collect Tarzan novels. Learn PERL. Make some other use of the empty hours. This is how you deal with a toothache, and this is how you deal with a broken heart. More than simply, “Forget it,” or “Get over it,” it’s “Think, actively and energetically, about something else.” Play a videogame. Read a book. Masturbate a lot. WHATEVER. But do something else, rather than sit and mope and reflect and write more pointless emails (to her or to us!)
Heck, wander over to the Great Debates forum on these Message Boards and get stuck in on an argument about morals or theology. You can kill HOURS!
Well, I pride myself in being an expert of dealing with this kind of heartbreak. First, you’re going to want a sandwich cause this is a big quest I am sending you on. (I was sent on the same quest four and a half years ago, and I am almost done.)
First, cut your hair like Ellen DeGeneres.
Then, begin singing, making videos, getting fangirls. As you climb your way to the top of the internet music ladder, you will be noticed by a famous, black rapper.
He will get you signed.
You will then release albums, win awards, star in TV shows, get a new girlfriend, etc, etc.
Finally, last but not least, you have to cut off the head of a cow weighing exactly 143.56 pounds. Raise it high above your own head, letting the blood of such a sweet, innocent animal drip down upon you. Scream the lyrics of your song to the sky, throw the head down. Turn, and calmly walk away.
Then, and only then will you be over her.
I am going to cut the head off of my own cow tomorrow. It has been a long journey waiting for it to reach the precise weight, but it has been well worth it, and tomorrow, I will be set free from the spell of the girl who broke my heart in seventh grade.
Dagnab it! Gonna have to put li’l Missoula-calf on a diet!
I assume this is one of those things that is only possible with HTML emails. You embed an invisible graphic in it that calls up a URL, and that URL can tell you how many times it’s been requested. Or something like that, from my understanding.
Oh sure. “…from my understanding.” 
Yikes, and I thought it was mildly odd that one of my bosses is notified whenever we read an email sent from him about work related stuff- can’t imagine dealing with something like that in my personal life.
Anyway- I’ve been disappointed by plenty of guys who it seemed like I really clicked with and contact with them just petered out due to whatever was going on in their personal lives (I’m in an age group where a lot of boys are still in school/figuring out their lives). In retrospect though, I can see that I was overlooking flaws that could have made an actual relationship fail.
I also think it’s wrong to put your love interest on a pedestal the way it seems like you have for this woman, because then you’re just setting her up to disappoint you. I went on a few dates with this guy who would go on and on and on about how wonderful I am to the point where it made me very uncomfortable, and I told him so. In his mind he had built up all these amazing expectations about what being with me would be like and when it was a perfectly good time, but not much else, he kind of drifted away and I found that I actually wasn’t all that upset about it (and now know to be VERY suspicious of anyone who pours on the compliments).
I’ve been upset about a guy for a period of weeks, but never a period of years. I think the fact that this went on for years**** indicates that this is different from the typical heartbreak of a break up- and I’m not saying this to be mean, but this wasn’t even really a break up in the way most people use that term- you went on a few dates and that’s it, I don’t consider that to be a “relationship.” I don’t want to be an armchair psychologist, but it seems that the problem goes far deeper than anything about her specifically.
I see. Creepy. OP: cut that stalker shit out.
Then are there certain email services/programs that preload emails that would trigger this without actually reading it?
Or she could be showing all her friends how ridiculous a love email could be.
I’ve honestly never used one of these services, but the topic has come up at least a couple times here on the Dope, most notably in threads regarding opening spam emails. (A spammer can hit a bunch of email addresses with an embedded graphic like this and, if HTML email is set to “on” for all senders, they can track which emails are active.) Apparently, it’s called a Web bug.
I don’t know exactly how externally hosted inline images in HTML email works–if they get preloaded, or not; if they get cached or stored on a machine after the first time they are viewed, etc. Somebody with more technical knowledge will have to chime in. My guess is that preloading without the user actually opening won’t trigger the counter (otherwise, I can’t see how this service would work–or at least it’d be returning lots of false positives), but I can’t say for sure.
I recognize myself a bit in the OP. Not for as long as four years, but I was devastated by my feelings for someone who I met and maybe had about 4 dates with. He then changed his mind and I cried almost everyone day for months. I also know that wasn’t exactly realistic, but it fucking hurt all the same, so you have my sympathy.
However, you need (as did I) to ask yourself: “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t love me?” You deserve more from a relationship, anyone does.
As for her loving you somewhere “deep down” or something. It might even be true, who knows, but that doesn’t get you get you anywhere, and please please believe me here. If she does feel a connection with you but has issues or whatever, that do not allow her to express that, or only in occasional drips the end result is the same as if she didn’t love you at all…and it’s incredibly undermining to live off the scraps of love that someone throws you. Find someone who is unambiguously crazy about you. Good luck.
Not only do you deserve more from a relationship, but I’ll tell you, no woman likes to be put on a pedestal. Men put us on pedestals and when we inevitably come tumbling down, as is human, they get upset because we are no longer that perfect woman.
A marriage and a relationship are made out of partners. Actually, I’ve often thought that we love as much because we find the other’s faults/idiosyncracies charming and bearable as we love their good points.
You have little to no emotional connection. What, exactly do you love about her? And will this be a healthy relationship in any way, with you mooning over her, and her possibly throwing dribs and drabs towards her?