I’ve been in an on-and-off relationship with my best friend for about 5 years (including a silly 1.5-year interval where I dated someone else). Recently, she’s been less pleasant and more distant, and told me on Friday that she has someone else in her life.
I feel so lonely. She and I have never been anything but friend-lovers, so I don’t know if we’ll be able to hack the “only friends” thing. The girl who had my back through everything is thus quickly retreating from my life. I can’t do anything–I barely eat or sleep. We went out to a movie last night, and afterward, I suggest we do something that’d keep us in regular contact–start watching a series together, do a puzzle, anything–but the idea was flat-out rejected. That was tantamount to the final rejection of me as a person. In my mind, she was always the girl who’d love me forever… I feel as if she won’t, nobody will.
But this is all dumb, because I’ve already done it to her. She’s gone through this, and come out fine. Me, though, I’m turning into a wreck. I feel like I have to face the world all alone, which terrifies me. I’m just a little kid who can’t take care of himself, where she, my poor abused best friend, just picked herself up and dusted herself off. I don’t want to whine to anyone, because I expect them to call me an idiot.
I’m venting because I imagine it’ll make me feel better. And I’m hoping that strangers on the Internet will validate my feelings, which is like putting your nest egg into Amway. But… here goes.
I feel for you. It’s best to keep in mind that not all friendships, or all relationships for that matter, should be for life. Sometimes you find someone that meets a need in your life for a certain period of time, and then when the time comes that that’s no longer the case, it’s time to move on. And that’s okay.
Grieve for her and the relationship with her that will no longer be, and then move on to bigger and better things. Sounds like she is doing the same.
A ‘more than friend, less than lover’ of mine also got out of a 5 year relationship recently. The important thing to realize is that what you’re feeling is normal and healthy. It’s important to grieve for a little while and let your feelings all hang out. You’re not weak and the pain will fade in time.
Being alone ain’t so bad. You get used to it. Do what you want, when you want, without having to consider other parties.
Well, of course you feel upset right now! Someone that has been a very important part of your life is distancing herself from you, and that is painful. The grief that you’re feeling isn’t dumb at all - it’s only natural. Be good to yourself and give it time.
What you are feeling is totally normal. It is the oldest human story in the world. Nearly all art and a good chunk of human history is based on exactly what you are feeling right now. You aren’t alone in this- you are part of a grand human drama.
We all get our heart broken at some point, often many times. At first it seems like the end of the world, then it just aches. Eventually you can hope that you will be able to look back with fond memories. Just because something didn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. You will have many adventures in this life. This is just one of them.
For now, go ahead and feel what you feel. Cry. Have a drink. Keep an eye on your mental health- try to get out, don’t drink too much, find things to look forward to on your own. But it’s okay to feel these things. Life isn’t about being happy. It’s about having experiences. This one of the classics. Do what you need to do and trust that in the end you will come to peace with it.
Thanks, guys.
We talked, after seeing Rent, and it feels a little more comfortable, so I’m in a better headspace as I start the week. I appreciate the perspective.