I’ve been in an on-and-off relationship with my best friend for about 5 years (including a silly 1.5-year interval where I dated someone else). Recently, she’s been less pleasant and more distant, and told me on Friday that she has someone else in her life.
I feel so lonely. She and I have never been anything but friend-lovers, so I don’t know if we’ll be able to hack the “only friends” thing. The girl who had my back through everything is thus quickly retreating from my life. I can’t do anything–I barely eat or sleep. We went out to a movie last night, and afterward, I suggest we do something that’d keep us in regular contact–start watching a series together, do a puzzle, anything–but the idea was flat-out rejected. That was tantamount to the final rejection of me as a person. In my mind, she was always the girl who’d love me forever… I feel as if she won’t, nobody will.
But this is all dumb, because I’ve already done it to her. She’s gone through this, and come out fine. Me, though, I’m turning into a wreck. I feel like I have to face the world all alone, which terrifies me. I’m just a little kid who can’t take care of himself, where she, my poor abused best friend, just picked herself up and dusted herself off. I don’t want to whine to anyone, because I expect them to call me an idiot.
I’m venting because I imagine it’ll make me feel better. And I’m hoping that strangers on the Internet will validate my feelings, which is like putting your nest egg into Amway. But… here goes.