Where does it say that?
Same question.
Post 52. She said he finally got tested months after he said he had.
Don’t know what to say: it’s a violation of your trust and your safety. Ick. Hugs to you. I’d be livid.
While prostitutes aren’t the highest risk group for STDs (teens are), they certainly do carry a higher risk than the rest of the adult population. And if having sex is your job, I’m going to be more worried about STDs (and that’s not even counting the gross violation I feel here). Lots of people practice ‘safe sex’ and get pregnant or get an STI. Prostitutes are no exception. And how do I know any one of these prostitutes wasn’t a drug user? Or that they weren’t infected and continued to do their ‘job’? I don’t know if he found the women on CL or via Google, but he said ‘the Internet’. Walking the streets is so passe. (A Google search shows prostitutes in Denver with their own web pages. This one (NSFW) offers a discount for public school teachers.) So if he’s telling the truth - he found one/s online and used protection - he still got chlamydia. She performed oral on him, so I suppose that’s another method of transfer.
He said he used a condom with her - in fact, that was one of his justifications for not telling me about it (I practiced safe sex and I just didn’t want to talk about my past). But condoms don’t cover ‘everything’ and, oh god, come on people, ew. And…he blatantly lied. I think “I’ve had sex with five different hookers since we last had sex, with one of them being 3 weeks ago” is a lot different than “I had a one night stand over a year ago”. Again, factor in his general agoraphobia and nervousness around new people and what he originally told me is extremely believable. In fact, it is what I would’ve guessed.
Boy, did I guess wrong. 
And I have no way of knowing the truth about his sexual history now. There’s no reason to believe anything he says. Didn’t we have a poll about if we’d have sex with someone who used a prostitute in the past? Pretty sure I checked “eff no!”
Re: Condoms: I did try a LifeStyles brand and had an uncomfortable, but somewhat tolerable, result (though Trojans and other regular ones are 10x worse). I guess, again, with our history and levels of trust already, I thought I’d be OK. This person had never given me a reason to doubt him. He’s also the sarcastic, funny, self-deprecating type who is sometimes too honest. And up until two days ago, he’d be the “nicer half” of us two. He told me he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to talk about it, because he knew I’d judge him, and because he felt bad about it. (He said he’d have mixed feelings about sleeping with a prostitute - “I feel sorry for her afterwards.”)
I’ve only had condomless sex with a few men. I’m used to risking being miserable after sex when I’m dating someone. Perhaps this is how I turned into such a frigid bitch. 
Okay, no, but it’s part of the reason why I don’t have a lot of relationships or ones that last long.
I think I really will do a full STD panel/signed by a doc type of thing, and only after we’ve been married for 20 years. It’s on me that I didn’t, I know that, but I wish people pushed that more. Like, when sexual health clinics come and talk to my students, I wish they’d have a printout just to hammer it into everyone’s heads. (Teens are notorious for lying anyway, right? 
)
Finally…I have (often unpopular on the Dope) strong opinions about the sex industry. He was well-versed in them. 
So many prostitutes are wrapped up in drugs, are victims of violence (yes, even online - just because you can’t see a pimp doesn’t mean he’s not there) or started doing this at a very young age. Some of these prostitutes are doing this as kids (and some will pass through my classroom…). I just applied for a teaching position in a group home for girls who have been victims of the sex trade or sexual violence. I just don’t see why anyone needs to contribute to that problem, ‘fully consenting sex worker’ or not.
edit: And to the person who mentioned BC and cysts - I switched to a Progestin-Only Pilll as of yesterday.
:eek: I clicked on that link of the escort you posted…WOW! I guess anyone with a vaj that is willing can make a living that way…
Dear god, why? What’s it going to take for you to kick this asshole to the curb for good?
Are you sure it’s condoms you have trouble with - could it be spermicides, or a specific lubricant?
Oh my god, he’s changed ok!!! :rolleyes: 
No, but seriously: you don’t even know if this guy gave you something far more serious than can be cured with ABX. It’s possible you have HIV and you may not know for six months. How you could even be in the same room with this creeper before knowing if your life is on the line is bewildering to me.
See, that’s my beef with infidelity-- it’s not the breaking of emotional trust, but rather the fact that someone else took your LIFE in their hands. By him agreeing to have unprotected sex with you, knowing what he had done, he decided an orgasm was worth more than your life. I don’t have to say what that means his opinion of you must be.
Tell him to fuck off and to never speak to you again. You are better than that kind of boy (he’s not a man) and you deserve better than that. It appears you don’t think you do deserve better, but I promise you that you do.
You know what else? Someone amazing is out there-- someone who will treat you right and not put your life on the line. But you need to get yourself straightened out first— make sure you’re clean and healthy physically, but also emotionally. You’ve gotta figure out why you’d let someone do this to you, then go back to him again. And again. And for whatever reason you’re doing that, figure out how you’re going to stop it.
Once you straighten yourself out, someone amazing will come to you— because you are an amazing person who deserves someone equally amazing.
I appreciate the sisterly advice, but he was paying for the doc and the whole thing took 5 hours. It’s not like we are buddies anymore. I was just going through something awful and yucky and I was in pain. Too exhausted to yell. 
It is good to get a sisterly kick in the ass. I almost MISSED him this afternoon. Ugh, then I remember what he did.
“I called the doctor, all of my testing and treatment over the next 6 months will be $XYZ. Mail me a check. Bye.”
I know I’m being a little harsh, that’s sort of just my way though. You deserve better and you deserve to be rid of that fool. If that involves you having to pay your doctor bills yourself, so be it. A few hundred dollars isn’t worth letting someone like that stick around in your life.
Keep up the good work though, girl. You’ll move on away from him soon enough :).
Kind of echoing Diosa, I don’t know how you could possibly be in the same room with this man for five hours, or even *why *you would, as opposed to getting the money from him and going by yourself.
He played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded prostitute gun and lost. What’s even worse is that he made you an unknowing participant for round two.
If I had the money, I’d do it myself. If he had several hundred laying around, I think he’d just hand it to me. He did offer to pay for the rest, but I saw him put it on his Discover card at PP.
I would like to stop talking to him because when I do, I sometimes forget what he did! Old habits and all. Its just a minute or two, but then I catch myself and go, “Oh shit…gahhh…” Even TODAY when talking about the follow-up appointment, I forgot how horrible he was. The whole thing makes me so damned sad.
This sucks. And before this, he was one of my favorite people to spend time with. I pretty much hate spending time with anyone for more than an hour at a time, so yeah.
I had a lunch date today with a guy and I caught myself thinking, “_____ is so much more interesting.” And then I wondered if the trial attorney across the table from me had a hooker habit. :smack: Yeah, it’s way too early to be dating when I’m all bummed, but I need a distraction. And free lunch. 
I’m usually quite good at holding grudges – and believe me, I’m furious – but just a few days ago I was really happy and thinking that 2012 was off to a great start. I feel very vulnerable and I can’t tell any of my friends about this, so when he’s being nice and asking if I feel better, I forget I want to carve a sad face into his penis.
You guys are right. I need to shoot him an email and explain that I can’t be his buddy here and I need to deal with it alone. On his dollar.
I think I’m also used to looking out for him because he has a history of depression. We kind of do that for each other - we really don’t bring each other down. We don’t ooze love, but we’re pretty fond of each other. Or were. Since he seemed to feel so shitty and guilty (which he SHOULD), I think it was harder for me to maintain the, “I’m going to kill you. I am actually going to fucking kill you, you sick fucking fuck.”
I am also a tiny bit scared about not having health insurance and not knowing what’s in store for me. And if I’m mean to him now, will he tell me more bad news if he gets more bad test results?
It sounds like you do need someone to help you through this, though. That’s probably why you didn’t mind it so much that he accompanied you to PP. It’s hard going through fear and not being able to express it to anyone.
What are you more upset about; the lying and deception or the sex with prostitutes? And I think you can seperate the two issues.
:dubious:
This is true. Times like these and I wish I had close friends. 
Well, he had sex with a prostitute and then with me. So if he had just had sex with a prostitute and told me, I could’ve said, “Okay. Dealbreaker” if I wanted to. He also lied about testing. He slept with a prostitute, slept with me, then got tested.
Haha! It was a joke, but I see what I just did there!
No. He’s not fond of you. He doesn’t care about you one iota. He proved that the minute he stuck his infected dick in you and literally risked your life after he fucked a hooker. You do not do that to people you care about-- you do that to people you see as disposable, people whose entire life is worth less to you than one orgasm.
For the medical bills, I can understand-- have you talked to PP about a payment plan? I know their services are based on your ability to pay. Depending on what state you’re in, you may be able to get even free help-- in CA, there’s something called the Family PACT card. If you make under. . . I think $21,000, ALL reproductive health stuff is 100% free and covered. Up until this year, I have never in my life paid for birth control, STD tests, HIV tests, pap smears, breast exams, or even UTIs.
Here’s the thing about breaking ties with him and not getting information: he has a proven history of not being honest with you anyway. While it’s nice to think he’d tell you if he’s given you HIV or HPV, I wouldn’t count on it. You need to go at this yourself— get a testing schedule from PP, follow it, and hope everything is good.
Agreed with this. I understand you may not have close friends, Citizen who can go with you, but if you ever need anyone to talk to about it, I’m sure I’m not the only Doper who would privately avail myself for you to vent to.
Some; not all. The PP I went to (and the others I’ve been to) require payment at time of service, just like most docs. My non-Pap exam was $90. Comprehensive std testing is $120, and it’s $120 for a Pap exam.
There’s an STD clinic that dispenses Rx when you show symptoms. That’s the tip of it (for me, anyway - I’m so panicked!). I tried to apply for services, but they count child support as income, so I was over by a few grand a year.
Yes, I have a schedule. I’m a little worried about payment. This is NOT something I could ask my dad for help with. (You should’ve heard him when I asked to help pay for my car when it broke down!)
Thank you. I really, really appreciate the support I’ve found in this thread. I come to the Dope a little too often as I’m scared of ‘real life’, but you’ve been great and it means a lot. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve written that email.
Real time update - he just wrote back again -
Waitwaitwait…You have a child? This guy put his infected penis in you knowing that he could give you a crippling or even lethal disease that not only affects you but could also affect your ability (or even longevity) to care for your child.
This guy does not give a shit about you. He just wanted to get his rocks off, and did. I’m not a parent and usually I don’t hop on the “omg babies are the world!” bandwagon, but DAMN.
I hope you recover, and find somebody better. Somebody who won’t risk their life, yours, and even your child’s, just for a quick orgasm.