Congratulations! No, I’m serious. This is the problem-solving part; after this, things are going to get better for you. But don’t go through this for nothing…learn a lesson.
Good luck.
Is it an ectopic or not? What did the ultrasound show?
I have also behaved foolishly while in love/lust. I’m sorry you’re hurting and hope you feel better soon.
You deserve better than this and your son deserves better too. I hope you can find someone to go with you for the procedure. Don’t they have people that do that?
I wish you better luck in the future.
CitizenPained, your location says Denver, but if by any weird chance you’ve moved to my area (Chicago, or anywhere within 50 miles or so of it), then PM me. I’ll go with you to the clinic if you like.
This right here. For the love of all that’s good in this world, you need to first take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.
Then you need to look very closely at your “friend.” He’s awesome to you when he wants sex from you, and when you’re mad at him. He runs the fuck away when he’s got tough news to give you (like his lies are coming out), or when you fucking need help the most.
Bad paraphrase, probably, of a quote I’ve heard before: “If you’re going through hell - keep going.”
Thank you for that. Im still in Denver. 
I know I was stupid. The whole thing has been a shock. It hurts. How does someone go from being your best friend to…this?
I go for a checkup in an hour. 
There was no fetus visible on the Sunday night ultrasound. Have to figure out where it is before we expel it.
Some fucked-up shit has happened to you. Don’t waste time agonizing over whether it was preventable or how stupid you feel or whatever. Please, just learn from your mistakes.
CitizenPained, I tried to send you a PM but apparently I’m not the only one because your box is full. Just FYI. 
If I wasn’t on the other side of the planet I would take you too and from the clinic.
I understand how love can make you do foolish things.I have my own heartbreak going on at this moment - nothing on par with yours though. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}
I cleaned it. 
Thank you. I mean that.
I’m trying.
Today he drove me to my appointment because it started to snow here and I was hobbling around work like an old lady. When he got there, I realized it wasn’t sticky snow, but felt crappy so I let him drive. I was silent the whole time. I was glad he was there for me when I was dry heaving, though.
The OB gave me a pelvic and it hurt. I had tears running down my face and it was awful. I left in tears, hobbling, very glad I had Jerkface with me then because it shot all the way up my back area.
They drew blood. The OB said there wasn’t any point in an ultrasound yet because my HCG levels were low last time, even though I should be 5 weeks. She called me later on and told me they’d doubled as is normal, but too low for 5 weeks. So it could be an ectopic that’s very high in the uterus, on the outside, or somewhere where it’s growing but not viable. Or I will miscarry. Or it’s a real pregnancy and I have to abort it.
I feel horrible. I keep thinking, “Maybe I can keep it…? If I get this new job…maybe…” but that puts my career/life back again. My son is 7. I finally feel like I may keep my head above water financially. I love my son. We are so close. How could I do that to him? And Jerkface isn’t going to stick around.
I am very pro choice, but it seems to go against my gut instinct here. And yet…when I was pregnant with my son, I was instantly bonded (even though I’d never wanted a child and was only barely 19 years old) with him and knew exactly that he was a boy and what he’d looked like and etc.
But with this…well, I’ve been calling it “the alien” and that’s kind of what it feels like. But I’m not convinced anything is there.
Sunday in the hospital they kept pumping me full of Dilauded so I’d calm down because the pain was so bad. Now there’s nothing they can do. I’ve missed two days of work and am possibly out tomorrow. This is killing me financially (I only teach part-time, no benefits or sick days) and I am so scared/alone. And too embarrassed to tell many people what is going on. Jerkface was here for awhile to make sure I was OK, and when he saw my temp was 100.1, he asked if I wanted to go back to the ER, but he’s been complaining about how badly he wants to go back home and into his agoraphobic space and check out. Plus my kid was puking once he got home from school.
Also…I can’t cry in front of my son if I can help it. Judah is asleep next to me with a puke bucket next to him and I have 3 blankets and a sweatshirt on. But when he was vomiting, I was crying and wincing at the pelvic/back/side pain and telling him it was all going to be OK, shh, mom’s here, etc. (This is the point where Jerkface started putting on his shoes - kid is puking, girl is hormonal and sick, I gotta jet.)
I don’t mean to turn this into my LiveJournal (which I don’t have) but I just don’t know where else to vent.
I have to say, I really love the Dope right now. Everything is so scary. I am always taking care of my students and my son and friends and I desperately want someone to take care of me. (And the me in pain/fever + kid puking also is a painful reminder that I’m a single mother and my boyfriend dumped me.)
Okay, now I’m conceding that this guy is a pathetic asshole. What kind of man when faced with people he knows and he could help easily just by staying where he is just goes home for no good reason? Even if he’s breaking up with you.
One of the few things that people almost never judge about in this world is a miscarriage. Most people won’t ask too many questions, but will certainly feel for you and try to help you. I’m not sure if being open about that can help with your employer, but a simple, “I’ve missed a few days because I am having a miscarriage. I’m terribly ill and not 100% sure when this will be over” might be worthwhile in making sure your boss isn’t thinking you’re just being flaky.
I wouldn’t go into all the details (or that it might be ectopic, or that you may need to abort) or anything. Just tell them you’re having a miscarriage.
That’s a good idea. I am feeling horrible about it because I am the ESL coordinator for the morning shift of students and they are doing English Language Testing. My boss did ask if I was prego (yikes) and I said “abdominal infection”. I’ll tell him something like that tomorrow - a miscarriage. I told two girls at work (we teachers have to share space with 40 kids in our alternative ed center) so they won’t resent me too much. i just said probable ectopic, docs trying to locate and treat.
My boss and his boss are both male and they’re the type who just want their asses covered. And because I was in so much pain, I couldn’t come back and test some more students today. I just feel bad all around. They should’ve trained more people for this!
It would have been easy for David to stay and help out. But he’s so damned uncomfortable in his own skin when he’s at that stress level that I could just tell I should let him go. He stayed in bed next to me when I tried to sleep, but then I was jolted awake by a pelvic spasm and he said he had to get going, had to take anti depressant meds and be in his own space. I understand, but I’m a little worried about the fever.
Step 1: *stop making excuses for David and people like him. *
**
It’s this that hurts the most.** The knowing that five days ago he picked up my son from school and entertained him in the hospital for 3 hours while I was there and did everything he could to make me feel better…to…just giving up and being overwhelmed. On Sunday we were in the ER again and I have an IV and Dilauded (sp?) going through my veins and oxygen in my nose and tears running down my face and he gets a romantical look on his face and says, “You just look really pretty. Even sick.”
Then he checks out. Walking off. Actually dropped the f bomb on the phone last night, saying he was over, done, f’ing checking out.
Today, he was feeling guilty and bad and tried to help me get to my appointment, but when it turned into a “Ru is in a shit ton of pain again and also upset you dumped her and her kid just hurled”, he said, “I wasn’t planning on being here all day. Sorry I can’t do more. I just need to go home and sit on my couch.”
I know I could never leave someone that needed me for health reasons. I mean, damn. But I know he has depression/anxiety issues…still…the way he can shut off his emotions is a little alarming. Or just bipolar.
He did this 3 years ago as well, but it wasn’t like this. We didn’t have this issue. And I was kind of a brat back then. This time it hurts so much worse because I know it’s not my fault.
(sorry for the ramble)
No excuses. I do have sympathy for mental illness…though I guess part of it is: I let him stick the dick in my pretty, so he can’t be that bad.
I did a very very childish thing. Earlier, he originally didn’t want to come over and help me out at home for a few hours while i got settled with new pain meds. We blew up at each other.
I posted on his FB wall something like: Thanks for fucking those hookers, giving me chlamydia, knocking me up and then dumping me. Yeah, dating you has been AMAZING.
I’ve **never **done anything like that before. I have gotten upset and cried these last few weeks, but that kind of drama? No way! I know it pissed him off and it was really immature, but he deleted it quickly. Luckily, we don’t have FB friends in common.
The other day I told him that when this was all over, he owed me a puppy. Can I still take the puppy?
Maybe I should just ask for a one time cash pay out of $1,000 to cover my emotional duress…
It felt good though, didn’t it? I’m not mad at that. Frankly, if somebody gave me an STD, let alone acted like this guy has acted since, I’d be posting him all over the world wide web’s various versions of “Don’t Date Him Girl.” Photos and all.
I’m childish. Sue me. (Or just don’t give me STDs).
Step 2 - change your phone number and email addresses and any method he has of contacting you and find someone else to support you through this miserable time. There are no excuses for the way he has treated you, except that he’s possibly a sociopath.
Also: delete and block his Facebook.
I think Vz can block phone numbers. I can add him to a block on gmail. I did block on FB. After Monday’s ultrasound, I want to get the total of the bills + figure abortion costs and ask him to write me a check. He did offer before. At the moment I qualify for presumptive Medicaid, but there’s no paperwork filed yet. (Have to be able to move without pain for longer than an hour first…)