I'm sorry you can't get pregnant, but...

My $.02…

Mr. Sylver and I have been trying for almost 3 years now. I haven’t been able to conceive, so I cannot even begin to understand the grief parents feel after a miscarriage. The frustration is there though, and the unwelcome thoughts that creep into your mind in the middle of the night. My best friend, who already has a 5 year old son, got pregnant last year, she’s single, and the father was a married, one-night stand in the front seat of a Dodge truck.

I have an 11 year old son, who I gave up 3 days after he was born to an adopted family in a near-by town. I never regretted my decision, because he has a better life than the one I could’ve given him at age 15, but I couldn’t help but ask myself if I had given away my only chance to be a mother.

Don’t think I didn’t curse the unfairness of it all. Why could I get pregnant at 15, but not at 26? Why can my best friend give birth to children that she isn’t financially, or emotionally prepared to raise.

Those questions will probably never be answered, so I’m not going to waste my time, or my love on them when I have better thing to concentrate on.

Seeing pregnant women, baby stores, and strollers doesn’t bother me. I look forward to seeing my new nephew who is all of 3 weeks old. I get my maternal fix slathering attention on all my friends’ kids. I would be in a worse fix if I couldn’t, or didn’t want to be around them. They remind me of the wonderful life I will have sooner or later, one way or another, not what I don’t have.

I’d agree with all those who advised giving her space. She will deal with her emotional trauma in her own time and then make the choice to live her life for what she does have, not what she doesn’t.

Syl

[[Fucking hell, do you people think babies are puppies? There’s grief involved in adoption for the baby, the relinquishing mother and the receiving mother.

Repeat after me several times – adoption does not cure or fix infertility. Having a live baby does bring joy but it is not a simple fix of hand over the baby like a bag of fucking flour. ]]

Not meaning to judge the very personal longing that many people have to create a child from their own genes (I don’t get this)… but just wanted to add that no, adoption does not “cure infertility.” It does cure orphanhood, though.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their opinions.

I’ve decided to let things go for a while. My family in Australia still talks about me, and they are the ones who are seeing her reactions. I know I will be told when she has settled down.

She is not an unreasonable person, so I doubt that she will resent my kid, even though I mentioned the possibility before. And I’m sure that given time things will become sorted out.

Thanks again.